[Fanfiction] My so-called Love Life (2/20)
Apr. 2nd, 2015 06:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wendyjolyTitle: My so-called Love Life
Authors:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
wendyjoly (Sho's POV) & sky_fish7 (Nino's POV)
Genre: Romance, Human Drama, Angst, AU (the ages and character relationships are different from usual, for example Nino and Jun are half-brothers in here while Nino is the younger brother)
Warnings: misunderstandings, more precice warnings later on; lots of flashbacks (we added lines with exact places and dates to help you keeping up with the timeline)
Type: Multichapter (20 chapters written in turns, switching POV)
Rating: PG-13 – NC-17
Fandom/s: Arashi (main), mentioned also members of V6, Kanjani8 and other Johnny's groups as well as some Japanese actors/actresses
Pairing/s: main: Sakumiya (Sakurai x Ninomiya), side: Juntoshi (Matsumoto x Ohno), Ikumiya (Ikuta x Ninomiya); mentioned: Ikuba (Ikuta x Aiba), Okada Junichi x Miyazaki Aoi,...
Summary:
Even if Nino doesn't believe in true love, he's happy to hear that his older brother Jun is going to marry his long-year boyfriend Ohno. He even takes over the job of his brother's best man happily. That is, until he finds out that Sho - Ohno's best friend and Jun's colleague at work - who had played a big role in Nino's past before they broke apart, will be his partner to organize the wedding. Will they manage to forget their common past or grab the occasion to fix their broken and tumultuous relationship?
Special appearances/cameos in chapter 2:
Yamada Ryosuke as intern
Author Notes:
Yeahhhh! It's finally here and we're so excited. We took care of this lovely baby during several months, it's now time for it to discover the world or being discovered? Anyway I enjoyed so much writing this story in collab with Sky, like she said it was a wonderful emotional rolling coaster. She was the organized one (the brain?) of our duet while I fooled around...Thanks Sweetie, I couldn't dream to find a best co-author ♥
Special thanks go to our dear Juju (jtaytt)it wasn't easy to ride this huge roller coaster with us, we're so sorry for being such sadistic persons. We love u ♥
BTW, as a present for our dear readers, we provide a special „Original Soundtrack“ for this fanfiction! Well, basically, it's just a selection of songs we liked to listen to during the writing process or thought that would fit (+ a small selection of Arashisongs that fit the story. Of course XD). You can find it here in the masterpost of this fanfiction.
I recommand you to listen to "Heartache" by One OK Rock and "Gone away" by Lucy Schwartz while reading this chapter!
Wendy♥
Go to the chapter : 1 – Nino's POV (Sky)
“How are you Ohara-san?”
“Pretty well, Sensei. Thanks to you.”
The doctor, Sakurai, just began the morning visit when less than one hour ago a bunch of new interns barged into his office, wearing brand new lab coats, so clean that it was almost suspicious. By the end of the week, half of them will quit and by the end of the month he would choose two among the remaining to become his students. Sakurai-sensei was very famous in the little medical universe of Tokyo and medicine students from the entire district used to jockey to receive his teaching. Yet he wasn't a permissive teacher, far from it, but if he was strict, he had a serious reputation of genius.
People said, he used to work more than all the medical staff reunited. They said, he wouldn't ask to his colleagues something he won't do himself and everybody respected him for that. He could be strict or tyrannical with his students sometimes but he would offer them the best lessons they could receive in the health field. He didn't really take the time to speak to them, he wasn't a talkative man, except when it was to offer to his patient the comfort they needed.
He left the fluffy dog which followed him around at the door and entered the first room without introducing the new students to the people waiting for him inside. They had no choice but to join the other interns and residents who were already gathered around the patient's bed, staring at Sakurai as if he was God visiting ordinary people.
“Yuuta-sensei?”
“Yes, Sakurai-sensei. Ohara Shiori, 42 years old, breast cancer, stage III. She’ll be operated on the day after tomorrow by Matsumoto-sensei. Her blood tests are good.”
“Perfect. Are you ready, Ohara-san?”
He took the file handed over by the one named Yuuta and skimmed through it, raising his gaze to question the patient.
“I guess, I am,” said the woman in her 40's in an undertone.
Sakurai stroke the back of her hand gently. “We’ll do our best.”
“Thanks, Sensei.”
“I'll assist Matsumoto-sensei, you won't be alone.”
He left the bedroom after a last nod to the woman. The new interns stood idiotically in the bedroom, waiting until the last doctor left the place.
“What are we supposed to do?” whispered a guy to another one.
“Following and taking initiative, I guess.”
“Oh… okay.”
Not totally convinced, they followed the visit and Sakurai was really admirable. He’s a jerk, thought Yamada, one of the new students, he talked to his interns as if they were crap - not a “please”, no politeness of any sort and his questions were monosyllabic- but he was nice with the patients and extremely professional.
The day ended with the evening visit and once again, the new incomers felt like the third wheel. No one seemed to be taking care of them and Sakurai even less than the others. As they were about to enter the room of the woman they saw this morning, Yamada's attention was attracted by the sound of a sob behind. A teenager was sitting on the bench outside of the bedroom and after a shrug, he walked towards him.
“Are you Ohara-kun?”
The boy nodded and rapidly wiped his tears while Yamada sat by his side. “Are you a doctor?”
“I am.”
“Are you taking care of my mother?”
“The entire staff does their best to take care of your mum.”
“Sensei, will you save her?”
Yamada felt his heart clenching painfully and he patted the boy’s shoulder and smiled. “Matsumoto-sensei and Sakurai-sensei are the best doctors of the town, they will save her, I swear to you. Now wipe your tears and eat something. You have to be strong to support her.”
“Thank you, Sensei.”
The boy raised and Yamada joined the crowd of the interns already exiting the bedroom, Sakurai ahead. A last meeting and he would be free to go back home. Perhaps he will treat the other interns tonight? They survived their first day, and it was a matter of rejoicing.
They were sitting around the big table with the entire staff, nurses, helpers, physiotherapists, psychologists, doctors and trainees. In the middle of it, Sakurai and Matsumoto, the two heads of the hospital. The two cancer specialists used to work together and if Sakurai took care of the consultations, Matsumoto was the surgeon of the team. The new students stood behind, their hands on their notebooks, ready to answer to any question about any patient they visited today.
“I have to choose the intern who will assist me in the OR for Ohara-san's operation. Yamada?”
The boy leaped on his feet and blushed, feeling the hateful gazes of his colleagues upon him and the astonished version from the rest of the staff. It was unusual for Sakurai to remember the name of an intern and totally impossible for him to ask for one in his OR.
“Yes, Sensei?”
“You talked to Ohara-san’s son earlier. What did you say?”
“I told him to be confident. That you will save his mother.”
“Okay. You’re in.”
Did he really deserve such a reward, thought Yamada? He didn’t give a shit after all, he didn’t steal to get this place.
“Thank you, Sensei.”
“She’s your patient from now on. And if she dies, you’ll have the task of announcing it to her family.”
“Yes… What?!”
“You heard perfectly. You promised him that we’ll save his mother and if we can’t? Did you even study her file during your all so interesting first day in our hospital?”
“I… but I gave him hope. That’s what doctors ought to do,” stuttered the boy.
“A doctor does his best to save the life of his patient and gives the necessary hopes to his family to fight the disease. But we’re not God, we can’t save everyone. Only a kid would believe that.”
Yamada swallowed hard, feeling those looks of victory in the eyes of the others, feeling the sudden urge to run away and hide himself far from Sakurai’s cold look. The other interns were right when they called him Darth Vader, he was able to cut your breath with one sole look.
“I thought~”
“That you were cleverer than everyone? Let’s see what you’re worth in an operation room. Something to say?”
“It’s unfair.”
“Congratulations,” Sakurai looked at his watch. “You held on for almost 10 hours. It’s unfair? What is fair here? You don’t agree with my teachings methods? Ask your dean to change your assignment, Yamada. Oncology isn’t for kids.”
The people in the room laughed out loud and the boy clenched his fists.
Sakurai Sho felt Matsumoto Jun's gaze on him but he didn't pay attention to his colleague and friend, and opened the next file. The conversation was over.
At the end of the day, as he was sitting behind his desk, someone knocked at his door and he didn't have to raise the head to know the identity of the visitor. Jun sat down cross-legged in the armchair facing the desk and grabbed a pen on Sho's desk to play with it.
“You were harsh with the boy earlier.”
“I know. A hospital isn't a playground and the sooner he learns that, the better.”
“Don't lecture me, I know my job but you could have cornered him in your office, not during the staff meeting.”
“You're surely right,” Sho sighed, leaning back on his chair, taking off his glasses to rub his tired eyes. “I'll see him tomorrow.”
“Fine.”
“That's all?”
“No, I...to be totally honest, I'm worried about you,” Jun said. “You're tired and it tends to make you lose your temper. When did you go back home for the last time?”
“I don't know, last week perhaps... our schedule is insane.”
“We have the same one and yet I can't stand more than two days without seeing Satoshi.”
Sho smirked like always when his friend conjured his lover with this idiotic sappy smile. They were meant to be together, it was so obvious, almost comforting for this so resigned man.
“Jun... Aoi decided to leave me. She asked for divorce and of course, I agreed.”
“You...what?! Why?”
“She has someone and they want to marry as soon as possible, that's the most basic reason, I guess.”
“Who?”
“An associate of the cabinet. Her Boss.”
“But why did you accept?” Jun wondered. “I can't believe, she cheated on you! You got along well, right?”
“We need two to be married, if she's in love with someone else, I can't keep her by force.”
“As a matter of fact but~”
Sho chuckled and caressed the head of his dog. “It's not a big deal, thousands of couple are splitting up each year. We did our time.”
“But... how are you?”
“Pretty well. This man seems to be a good man.”
“You're so~ you're an alien! How can you be so quiet?!”
“Jun, I love Aoi-chan, I want her happiness and if I can't be the one who brings it to her, I can't blame her for searching elsewhere for it.”
“Is she still living with you?”
“Yeah. She'll move out in a few days. But you're right, I have to go back home to take some rest.”
“I'll treat you tonight? You could sleep at our place and talk to Satoshi perhaps.”
“No need. I'll finish this and I'll be home in one hour.”
“Okay, but call me if you need me.”
“No problem, thanks Jun. And let me call Oh-chan to tell him.”
“I know you won't, you're like my brother, a real air stream,” Jun said.
“How is he?”
“Who?”
“Your brother?”
“Stop acting as if you'd care about him and give up your pitiful attempts to change the subject. Call Satoshi.”
“I'll do my best,” Sho concluded.
Jun patted his shoulder and exited the office, leaving a perplexed Sho behind. It was said and he didn't flinch. Perhaps it was the occasion to raise the veil to Jun on a side of his life he always kept in the dark until now but the words were stuck in his throat. It's been so long now, lying was like a second nature. Well, he didn't really lie, he simply hid the truth, thought the doctor with a total bad faith.
If he had to be totally honest with himself, he had to admit that diving into work all night and day long for years was comfortable. By focusing on his brilliant career, he didn't have to think about the mess that was his private life. He was married to Aoi for almost 6 years now and the routine between them was somehow very easy to get accustomed to. With the divorce, he would have to find new habits, a new way of life and he already began to think he would live most of the time within the four walls of this hospital. But wasn't it already the case? He took off his lab coat, went to the nurses' office to tell them he was taking his leave and with his dog on his heel, drove back home.
The lights of the house were turned on and the door was unlocked.
“I'm back home.”
“Oh, Sho, welcome back!”
He left his shoes and his coat in the entrance area, following the delicious odour floating in the air.
“I didn't know, if you would come back home, you should have called, I would have cook something better.”
“Don't worry, compared to the hospital's cafeteria your cooking is paradise. I'll miss it.”
Aoi whirled around and Sho crossed his wife's gaze, so sad and so full of guilt. He scolded himself mentally.
“I'm so sorry, Sho.”
“Don't be, please. I'm glad for you. You deserve to be happy and Okada is a good man.”
“He really is.”
“And you're in love with him for years. Don't regret anything. We tried our best and it didn't work, we can't help it.”
Aoi walked to him and hugged her husband tenderly, resting her cheek on his torso. “I'll cook for you and once a week I'll leave meals in the fridge. I know, you're strong but you have to promise me to take care of yourself and perhaps... to find someone?”
“I swear,” Sho caressed her back and he wondered for a second, if he managed to fool her with his white lie.
He would take care of himself, but finding someone... He forgot the idea for years now. He tried a bit during the early times after their wedding but a relationship without love wasn't his thing. He moved back and smiled.
“When will you move?”
“Are you that rushed?!”
“I'm just enjoying the last days with my cute little wife.”
She sobbed once again and hugged him. Well, it won't be that easy, thought Sho sadly.
“Yamada? YAMADA! Open your eyes!”
The new intern, Yamada, was leaning on the patient, the sound of the beep machine so strong at his ear, his OR outfit already covered by blood, a suction probe in the hand. Jun and Sho were working together on the patient, totally focused on their task.
“Sorry, Sakurai-sensei,” the intern apologized. How could things go this bad, he wondered?
“Suction, please. I can’t see anything.”
“Yes, sorry.”
The boy did what he was told and took a glance up at the line of interns watching them by the panoramic window.
“Can you see something?” Sho asked in a stern voice.
“I… I see the tumor.”
“Right here-,” Jun showed him the awful mass of misshaped flesh, “and these are the metastasis.”
Yamada opened his eyes wide, unable to believe that so many and visible little cells were running along the vessels, invading the muscles and the flesh on their way.
“What can we do?” he asked sheepishly.
“Usually, we scrub the tumor and send it to the lab,” Sho answered. “They tell us if they find healthy flesh, if not, we keep on scrubbing. In our case, there’s nothing to do. We’ll close her and that’s all.”
“But it’s impossible!”
“We have reached our limits. We can’t do more. Sorry.”
Yamada clenched his jaws, so angry and frustrated to be so useless. Sho knew, he was totally right but he could understand the new intern's displeasure. In a blur, the boy assisted them to close the wound and watched the team transport her to the recovery room.
As soon as Yamada exited the OR, the father and the son ran to him, a smile full of hope on their faces and he didn’t run away. He announced the terrible news and when it was done, walked to the on-calls room to hide his tears.
“You did well.”
Sho was behind him, yet the new intern was so sure to have locked the room.
“She’s almost dead, she will be in a few days and… I did well?”
“You didn’t run away and you did your duty very courageously. The announcement to the family is the most difficult part of our work. Look… sit down. Yamada-kun, please.”
The student sat on the chair Sho handed him and looked at him. The doctor had lost his usual coldness and the intern perceived a compassion in his look he didn't see before.
“You said, your job was to give hope to the patient and his family but you forgot something. By keeping this hope alive when there’s nothing to hope for anymore, you hinder them from preparing for the unavoidable and saying goodbye to the dear one. But you spent time with her, with her family, with the nurses who are taking care of her day after day. No one else did it and it’s the reason why I chose you. The human being is the center of our job. Not the test results or some other details. But it’s a tough work, you have to protect yourself.”
“I…I can’t.”
“Of course you can. I'll teach you.”
Sho left the place, leaving the boy alone after designating him as his new intern.
“Are you free for lunch?” asked a voice he knew well behind him.
He turned around and smiled to his older friend, “Oh-chan. Don't know why but I was pretty sure I will see you today. Jun told you?”
“Yeah. So this lunch? It's been ages since I enjoyed your joyful presence...”
Sho couldn't tell if he was positively delighted to share his friend's lunch. He didn't feel like talking about the failure of his marriage once again, but Ohno was right. He avoided him for too long.
“Are we waiting for Jun?”
“Nope. It's just you and me today.”
“...Okay.”
They took the elevator to the top level of the hospital, taking advantage of the splendid weather to eat on the terrace overlooking the town. They grabbed some meals - the less hospital-like ones – and sat on the sunny side of the place.
“So, how are you?” Ohno asked right on the bat.
“You're always so subtle, my friend.”
“That's what a friend does. So?”
“According to the circumstances, I'm not bad at all. I was prepared for it for some time. Things didn't precisely work between us.”
“This is only a new start.”
“Exactly.”
“Sho-kun, I know you weren't an ordinary couple but Aoi-chan was your safety buoy.”
“What do you mean? That I'll drown without her?” Sho chuckled.
“Into work, yeah. It's already all your life.”
“So I have nothing to fear.”
“If you say so. By the way I'm gonna marry Jun.”
“You~,” Sho almost choked and spat his mouthful of rice ungraciously. “What?” he stuttered finally.
“Jun proposed and I accepted.”
“It's so like you! You throw a bomb with a smile and don't even understand why I'm shocked. But... Congratulations. I'm happy for you.”
“Thanks. And despite of what you're thinking, I'm perfectly aware that it's not the best time for this kind of news, but I thought it could help you to feel better too.”
“You're right. And it will be a splendid wedding.”
“Speaking of which... would you accept to be my best man?”
“Sure,” whispered Sho, touched like he didn't think he would be. “I suppose, Jun listed the things to do?”
Ohno burst out laughing. “You know him so well. He planned to leave it on your desk.”
“Sincerely, it will be my pleasure. I didn't really do anything for my own wedding, my parents almost pushed us to the altar. It will be my revenge.”
“Nino will be Jun's best man,” Ohno added, leaning forward on the table.
Sho kept his smile but his eyes darkened slightly. Of course, Nino would be his brother's best man, who else? He couldn't say he didn't think they would meet again one day, he already tried once or twice but was he ready now? Six years was a very long time, wasn't it and he was not in good shape recently. Recently? Since five years and nine months he was nothing more than the shadow of himself. He raised his gaze to his friend who stood still, waiting for a reaction he was unable to offer.
“Perfect,” Sho concluded, taking a sip of water to swallow the knot in his throat. “I'm looking forward to meeting him.”
To be continued...
Authors:
wendyjoly (Sho's POV) & sky_fish7 (Nino's POV)Genre: Romance, Human Drama, Angst, AU (the ages and character relationships are different from usual, for example Nino and Jun are half-brothers in here while Nino is the younger brother)
Warnings: misunderstandings, more precice warnings later on; lots of flashbacks (we added lines with exact places and dates to help you keeping up with the timeline)
Type: Multichapter (20 chapters written in turns, switching POV)
Rating: PG-13 – NC-17
Fandom/s: Arashi (main), mentioned also members of V6, Kanjani8 and other Johnny's groups as well as some Japanese actors/actresses
Pairing/s: main: Sakumiya (Sakurai x Ninomiya), side: Juntoshi (Matsumoto x Ohno), Ikumiya (Ikuta x Ninomiya); mentioned: Ikuba (Ikuta x Aiba), Okada Junichi x Miyazaki Aoi,...
Summary:
Even if Nino doesn't believe in true love, he's happy to hear that his older brother Jun is going to marry his long-year boyfriend Ohno. He even takes over the job of his brother's best man happily. That is, until he finds out that Sho - Ohno's best friend and Jun's colleague at work - who had played a big role in Nino's past before they broke apart, will be his partner to organize the wedding. Will they manage to forget their common past or grab the occasion to fix their broken and tumultuous relationship?
Special appearances/cameos in chapter 2:
Yamada Ryosuke as intern
Author Notes:
Yeahhhh! It's finally here and we're so excited. We took care of this lovely baby during several months, it's now time for it to discover the world or being discovered? Anyway I enjoyed so much writing this story in collab with Sky, like she said it was a wonderful emotional rolling coaster. She was the organized one (the brain?) of our duet while I fooled around...Thanks Sweetie, I couldn't dream to find a best co-author ♥
Special thanks go to our dear Juju (
jtaytt)it wasn't easy to ride this huge roller coaster with us, we're so sorry for being such sadistic persons. We love u ♥BTW, as a present for our dear readers, we provide a special „Original Soundtrack“ for this fanfiction! Well, basically, it's just a selection of songs we liked to listen to during the writing process or thought that would fit (+ a small selection of Arashisongs that fit the story. Of course XD). You can find it here in the masterpost of this fanfiction.
I recommand you to listen to "Heartache" by One OK Rock and "Gone away" by Lucy Schwartz while reading this chapter!
Wendy♥
Go to the chapter : 1 – Nino's POV (Sky)
Chapter 2
- - Tokyo, Matsumoto Hospital; January 8, 2015; 8 am - -
- - Tokyo, Matsumoto Hospital; January 8, 2015; 8 am - -
“How are you Ohara-san?”
“Pretty well, Sensei. Thanks to you.”
The doctor, Sakurai, just began the morning visit when less than one hour ago a bunch of new interns barged into his office, wearing brand new lab coats, so clean that it was almost suspicious. By the end of the week, half of them will quit and by the end of the month he would choose two among the remaining to become his students. Sakurai-sensei was very famous in the little medical universe of Tokyo and medicine students from the entire district used to jockey to receive his teaching. Yet he wasn't a permissive teacher, far from it, but if he was strict, he had a serious reputation of genius.
People said, he used to work more than all the medical staff reunited. They said, he wouldn't ask to his colleagues something he won't do himself and everybody respected him for that. He could be strict or tyrannical with his students sometimes but he would offer them the best lessons they could receive in the health field. He didn't really take the time to speak to them, he wasn't a talkative man, except when it was to offer to his patient the comfort they needed.
He left the fluffy dog which followed him around at the door and entered the first room without introducing the new students to the people waiting for him inside. They had no choice but to join the other interns and residents who were already gathered around the patient's bed, staring at Sakurai as if he was God visiting ordinary people.
“Yuuta-sensei?”
“Yes, Sakurai-sensei. Ohara Shiori, 42 years old, breast cancer, stage III. She’ll be operated on the day after tomorrow by Matsumoto-sensei. Her blood tests are good.”
“Perfect. Are you ready, Ohara-san?”
He took the file handed over by the one named Yuuta and skimmed through it, raising his gaze to question the patient.
“I guess, I am,” said the woman in her 40's in an undertone.
Sakurai stroke the back of her hand gently. “We’ll do our best.”
“Thanks, Sensei.”
“I'll assist Matsumoto-sensei, you won't be alone.”
He left the bedroom after a last nod to the woman. The new interns stood idiotically in the bedroom, waiting until the last doctor left the place.
“What are we supposed to do?” whispered a guy to another one.
“Following and taking initiative, I guess.”
“Oh… okay.”
Not totally convinced, they followed the visit and Sakurai was really admirable. He’s a jerk, thought Yamada, one of the new students, he talked to his interns as if they were crap - not a “please”, no politeness of any sort and his questions were monosyllabic- but he was nice with the patients and extremely professional.
The day ended with the evening visit and once again, the new incomers felt like the third wheel. No one seemed to be taking care of them and Sakurai even less than the others. As they were about to enter the room of the woman they saw this morning, Yamada's attention was attracted by the sound of a sob behind. A teenager was sitting on the bench outside of the bedroom and after a shrug, he walked towards him.
“Are you Ohara-kun?”
The boy nodded and rapidly wiped his tears while Yamada sat by his side. “Are you a doctor?”
“I am.”
“Are you taking care of my mother?”
“The entire staff does their best to take care of your mum.”
“Sensei, will you save her?”
Yamada felt his heart clenching painfully and he patted the boy’s shoulder and smiled. “Matsumoto-sensei and Sakurai-sensei are the best doctors of the town, they will save her, I swear to you. Now wipe your tears and eat something. You have to be strong to support her.”
“Thank you, Sensei.”
The boy raised and Yamada joined the crowd of the interns already exiting the bedroom, Sakurai ahead. A last meeting and he would be free to go back home. Perhaps he will treat the other interns tonight? They survived their first day, and it was a matter of rejoicing.
They were sitting around the big table with the entire staff, nurses, helpers, physiotherapists, psychologists, doctors and trainees. In the middle of it, Sakurai and Matsumoto, the two heads of the hospital. The two cancer specialists used to work together and if Sakurai took care of the consultations, Matsumoto was the surgeon of the team. The new students stood behind, their hands on their notebooks, ready to answer to any question about any patient they visited today.
“I have to choose the intern who will assist me in the OR for Ohara-san's operation. Yamada?”
The boy leaped on his feet and blushed, feeling the hateful gazes of his colleagues upon him and the astonished version from the rest of the staff. It was unusual for Sakurai to remember the name of an intern and totally impossible for him to ask for one in his OR.
“Yes, Sensei?”
“You talked to Ohara-san’s son earlier. What did you say?”
“I told him to be confident. That you will save his mother.”
“Okay. You’re in.”
Did he really deserve such a reward, thought Yamada? He didn’t give a shit after all, he didn’t steal to get this place.
“Thank you, Sensei.”
“She’s your patient from now on. And if she dies, you’ll have the task of announcing it to her family.”
“Yes… What?!”
“You heard perfectly. You promised him that we’ll save his mother and if we can’t? Did you even study her file during your all so interesting first day in our hospital?”
“I… but I gave him hope. That’s what doctors ought to do,” stuttered the boy.
“A doctor does his best to save the life of his patient and gives the necessary hopes to his family to fight the disease. But we’re not God, we can’t save everyone. Only a kid would believe that.”
Yamada swallowed hard, feeling those looks of victory in the eyes of the others, feeling the sudden urge to run away and hide himself far from Sakurai’s cold look. The other interns were right when they called him Darth Vader, he was able to cut your breath with one sole look.
“I thought~”
“That you were cleverer than everyone? Let’s see what you’re worth in an operation room. Something to say?”
“It’s unfair.”
“Congratulations,” Sakurai looked at his watch. “You held on for almost 10 hours. It’s unfair? What is fair here? You don’t agree with my teachings methods? Ask your dean to change your assignment, Yamada. Oncology isn’t for kids.”
The people in the room laughed out loud and the boy clenched his fists.
=+=
Sakurai Sho felt Matsumoto Jun's gaze on him but he didn't pay attention to his colleague and friend, and opened the next file. The conversation was over.
At the end of the day, as he was sitting behind his desk, someone knocked at his door and he didn't have to raise the head to know the identity of the visitor. Jun sat down cross-legged in the armchair facing the desk and grabbed a pen on Sho's desk to play with it.
“You were harsh with the boy earlier.”
“I know. A hospital isn't a playground and the sooner he learns that, the better.”
“Don't lecture me, I know my job but you could have cornered him in your office, not during the staff meeting.”
“You're surely right,” Sho sighed, leaning back on his chair, taking off his glasses to rub his tired eyes. “I'll see him tomorrow.”
“Fine.”
“That's all?”
“No, I...to be totally honest, I'm worried about you,” Jun said. “You're tired and it tends to make you lose your temper. When did you go back home for the last time?”
“I don't know, last week perhaps... our schedule is insane.”
“We have the same one and yet I can't stand more than two days without seeing Satoshi.”
Sho smirked like always when his friend conjured his lover with this idiotic sappy smile. They were meant to be together, it was so obvious, almost comforting for this so resigned man.
“Jun... Aoi decided to leave me. She asked for divorce and of course, I agreed.”
“You...what?! Why?”
“She has someone and they want to marry as soon as possible, that's the most basic reason, I guess.”
“Who?”
“An associate of the cabinet. Her Boss.”
“But why did you accept?” Jun wondered. “I can't believe, she cheated on you! You got along well, right?”
“We need two to be married, if she's in love with someone else, I can't keep her by force.”
“As a matter of fact but~”
Sho chuckled and caressed the head of his dog. “It's not a big deal, thousands of couple are splitting up each year. We did our time.”
“But... how are you?”
“Pretty well. This man seems to be a good man.”
“You're so~ you're an alien! How can you be so quiet?!”
“Jun, I love Aoi-chan, I want her happiness and if I can't be the one who brings it to her, I can't blame her for searching elsewhere for it.”
“Is she still living with you?”
“Yeah. She'll move out in a few days. But you're right, I have to go back home to take some rest.”
“I'll treat you tonight? You could sleep at our place and talk to Satoshi perhaps.”
“No need. I'll finish this and I'll be home in one hour.”
“Okay, but call me if you need me.”
“No problem, thanks Jun. And let me call Oh-chan to tell him.”
“I know you won't, you're like my brother, a real air stream,” Jun said.
“How is he?”
“Who?”
“Your brother?”
“Stop acting as if you'd care about him and give up your pitiful attempts to change the subject. Call Satoshi.”
“I'll do my best,” Sho concluded.
Jun patted his shoulder and exited the office, leaving a perplexed Sho behind. It was said and he didn't flinch. Perhaps it was the occasion to raise the veil to Jun on a side of his life he always kept in the dark until now but the words were stuck in his throat. It's been so long now, lying was like a second nature. Well, he didn't really lie, he simply hid the truth, thought the doctor with a total bad faith.
If he had to be totally honest with himself, he had to admit that diving into work all night and day long for years was comfortable. By focusing on his brilliant career, he didn't have to think about the mess that was his private life. He was married to Aoi for almost 6 years now and the routine between them was somehow very easy to get accustomed to. With the divorce, he would have to find new habits, a new way of life and he already began to think he would live most of the time within the four walls of this hospital. But wasn't it already the case? He took off his lab coat, went to the nurses' office to tell them he was taking his leave and with his dog on his heel, drove back home.
=+=
The lights of the house were turned on and the door was unlocked.
“I'm back home.”
“Oh, Sho, welcome back!”
He left his shoes and his coat in the entrance area, following the delicious odour floating in the air.
“I didn't know, if you would come back home, you should have called, I would have cook something better.”
“Don't worry, compared to the hospital's cafeteria your cooking is paradise. I'll miss it.”
Aoi whirled around and Sho crossed his wife's gaze, so sad and so full of guilt. He scolded himself mentally.
“I'm so sorry, Sho.”
“Don't be, please. I'm glad for you. You deserve to be happy and Okada is a good man.”
“He really is.”
“And you're in love with him for years. Don't regret anything. We tried our best and it didn't work, we can't help it.”
Aoi walked to him and hugged her husband tenderly, resting her cheek on his torso. “I'll cook for you and once a week I'll leave meals in the fridge. I know, you're strong but you have to promise me to take care of yourself and perhaps... to find someone?”
“I swear,” Sho caressed her back and he wondered for a second, if he managed to fool her with his white lie.
He would take care of himself, but finding someone... He forgot the idea for years now. He tried a bit during the early times after their wedding but a relationship without love wasn't his thing. He moved back and smiled.
“When will you move?”
“Are you that rushed?!”
“I'm just enjoying the last days with my cute little wife.”
She sobbed once again and hugged him. Well, it won't be that easy, thought Sho sadly.
- - Tokyo, Matsumoto Hospital; January 10, 2015; 11 am - -
“Yamada? YAMADA! Open your eyes!”
The new intern, Yamada, was leaning on the patient, the sound of the beep machine so strong at his ear, his OR outfit already covered by blood, a suction probe in the hand. Jun and Sho were working together on the patient, totally focused on their task.
“Sorry, Sakurai-sensei,” the intern apologized. How could things go this bad, he wondered?
“Suction, please. I can’t see anything.”
“Yes, sorry.”
The boy did what he was told and took a glance up at the line of interns watching them by the panoramic window.
“Can you see something?” Sho asked in a stern voice.
“I… I see the tumor.”
“Right here-,” Jun showed him the awful mass of misshaped flesh, “and these are the metastasis.”
Yamada opened his eyes wide, unable to believe that so many and visible little cells were running along the vessels, invading the muscles and the flesh on their way.
“What can we do?” he asked sheepishly.
“Usually, we scrub the tumor and send it to the lab,” Sho answered. “They tell us if they find healthy flesh, if not, we keep on scrubbing. In our case, there’s nothing to do. We’ll close her and that’s all.”
“But it’s impossible!”
“We have reached our limits. We can’t do more. Sorry.”
Yamada clenched his jaws, so angry and frustrated to be so useless. Sho knew, he was totally right but he could understand the new intern's displeasure. In a blur, the boy assisted them to close the wound and watched the team transport her to the recovery room.
As soon as Yamada exited the OR, the father and the son ran to him, a smile full of hope on their faces and he didn’t run away. He announced the terrible news and when it was done, walked to the on-calls room to hide his tears.
“You did well.”
Sho was behind him, yet the new intern was so sure to have locked the room.
“She’s almost dead, she will be in a few days and… I did well?”
“You didn’t run away and you did your duty very courageously. The announcement to the family is the most difficult part of our work. Look… sit down. Yamada-kun, please.”
The student sat on the chair Sho handed him and looked at him. The doctor had lost his usual coldness and the intern perceived a compassion in his look he didn't see before.
“You said, your job was to give hope to the patient and his family but you forgot something. By keeping this hope alive when there’s nothing to hope for anymore, you hinder them from preparing for the unavoidable and saying goodbye to the dear one. But you spent time with her, with her family, with the nurses who are taking care of her day after day. No one else did it and it’s the reason why I chose you. The human being is the center of our job. Not the test results or some other details. But it’s a tough work, you have to protect yourself.”
“I…I can’t.”
“Of course you can. I'll teach you.”
Sho left the place, leaving the boy alone after designating him as his new intern.
“Are you free for lunch?” asked a voice he knew well behind him.
He turned around and smiled to his older friend, “Oh-chan. Don't know why but I was pretty sure I will see you today. Jun told you?”
“Yeah. So this lunch? It's been ages since I enjoyed your joyful presence...”
Sho couldn't tell if he was positively delighted to share his friend's lunch. He didn't feel like talking about the failure of his marriage once again, but Ohno was right. He avoided him for too long.
“Are we waiting for Jun?”
“Nope. It's just you and me today.”
“...Okay.”
They took the elevator to the top level of the hospital, taking advantage of the splendid weather to eat on the terrace overlooking the town. They grabbed some meals - the less hospital-like ones – and sat on the sunny side of the place.
“So, how are you?” Ohno asked right on the bat.
“You're always so subtle, my friend.”
“That's what a friend does. So?”
“According to the circumstances, I'm not bad at all. I was prepared for it for some time. Things didn't precisely work between us.”
“This is only a new start.”
“Exactly.”
“Sho-kun, I know you weren't an ordinary couple but Aoi-chan was your safety buoy.”
“What do you mean? That I'll drown without her?” Sho chuckled.
“Into work, yeah. It's already all your life.”
“So I have nothing to fear.”
“If you say so. By the way I'm gonna marry Jun.”
“You~,” Sho almost choked and spat his mouthful of rice ungraciously. “What?” he stuttered finally.
“Jun proposed and I accepted.”
“It's so like you! You throw a bomb with a smile and don't even understand why I'm shocked. But... Congratulations. I'm happy for you.”
“Thanks. And despite of what you're thinking, I'm perfectly aware that it's not the best time for this kind of news, but I thought it could help you to feel better too.”
“You're right. And it will be a splendid wedding.”
“Speaking of which... would you accept to be my best man?”
“Sure,” whispered Sho, touched like he didn't think he would be. “I suppose, Jun listed the things to do?”
Ohno burst out laughing. “You know him so well. He planned to leave it on your desk.”
“Sincerely, it will be my pleasure. I didn't really do anything for my own wedding, my parents almost pushed us to the altar. It will be my revenge.”
“Nino will be Jun's best man,” Ohno added, leaning forward on the table.
Sho kept his smile but his eyes darkened slightly. Of course, Nino would be his brother's best man, who else? He couldn't say he didn't think they would meet again one day, he already tried once or twice but was he ready now? Six years was a very long time, wasn't it and he was not in good shape recently. Recently? Since five years and nine months he was nothing more than the shadow of himself. He raised his gaze to his friend who stood still, waiting for a reaction he was unable to offer.
“Perfect,” Sho concluded, taking a sip of water to swallow the knot in his throat. “I'm looking forward to meeting him.”
To be continued...
