The Dangerous Liaisons Tokyo (5/8)
Jan. 13th, 2015 05:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wendyjolyTitle : The Dangerous Liaisons Tokyo
Author : WendyJoly
Rating : NC-17
Pairing : Various but mainly Sakumoto
Beta : The wonderful![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jtaytt ♥
Genre : Schemes, university and love
Summary : Masaki Aiba enters the prestigious Tokyo U and becomes the stake of a game he totally ignores.
Note : This story is a very freely adapted version of one of my ever favourite book, “Les Liaisons Dangereuses” by Choderlos de Laclos.
CHAPTER 5
Sitting in his parent’s lounge, Sho turned between his fingers the card he found on his threshold this morning. Someone slid it under the door and if it hadn’t been purple, he probably didn’t notice it.
It has been three weeks since he drew a line on Jun and its three weeks since his life was made into one of doubt and angst. He became his own torturer, his desire the prisoner of his willpower. On the verge of implosion, unable to find a way out of this melancholy.
He would have given everything to knock at this door that is so close and laugh with him as if nothing happened between them. Why does his conscience have to get in the way? His guilty conscience and the terrible physical attraction he felt for the man.
Sho hid it all day long, at the university, with his parents who were so proud to have such a clever son, every evening with Maki on the phone or through the webcam. But where was he? How was his life now? Once again he had to face his deficiency in human relationship matter, being in automatic pilot in a life he didn’t really choose. Truth to be said, nothing has really changed and until now, he managed to forget it to move on. If only Maki was here everything would have been simpler.
But Jun didn’t make his task any easier.
He didn’t accept the rejection and every day, Sho had to overcome a new ordeal, making each act of resistance more and more difficult.
The previous day, he found him in the hall as he went to his bedroom. Sho tried to walk by, avoiding his gaze but Jun spoke his name.
“Sho, how long do you intend to avoid me?”
“I don’t avoid you.”
“What a shitty liar.”
“Bye.”
Sho walked away hastily but he heard Jun’s steps behind and the latter gripped his wrist strongly.
“You are punishing me for something happened ages ago. Talk to me at least, you can’t act as if I never existed in your life…it’s cruel. And I know you’re not.”
“What do you really want, Jun, honestly?”
Sho stared at him finally and reading the doubt in his eyes. Jun didn’t answer immediately.
“You.”
For the first time since they met, he had this look. The look of a man who can’t take it anymore. Sho turned his back to him and resumed his walk, feeling his resolution flinching, struggling against the desire he had to listen his sweet words. Shutting his mind to let his desire taking the control.
“Sho!” yelled Jun angrily, “I don’t know how to forget you. I don’t know how move on, I don’t know nothing anymore. Please, I’m lost.”
“I’m lost too.” said Sho without turning around.
“So why are you struggling? Why do you refuse to be happy, to make me happy?”
“By tossing my entire life out the window?”
“You crave for it too, it’s crystal-clear. But look at me, fuck!”
Sho turned around slowly, seeing the anger and the frustration misshaping Jun’s beautiful face. He smiled sadly and entered his bedroom, putting his earphones on his head in order not to hear anymore. Jun or this crazy desire twisting his entrails painfully.
=+=
“Sho?”
“Hm?”
“I’d like you to be at the main table for the charity ball this year. You will meet our stockholders.”
“Don’t you find this strange?” He said absent-mindedly, fixating on the card in his hand.
“What?”
“That a charity ball used to be a company meeting. It should be, I don’t know, perhaps, the chance to do something good without privileging one’s own interest.”
“Don’t be childish. How could we unite so many people if we had to talk about needy children?”
She was so cynical. Sho’s father kept on reading his economic paper.
“Yeah…I can be so childish sometimes.”
Once again he gazed at his father and his splendid indifference for the world around, his mother arranging a bouquet of flowers almost mathematically.
Nothing would ever change in this house. On the wall facing him, a picture of his brother with his parents, smiling, confident. He wanted to scream, to exit this house and never coming back. So why was he here, each Sunday, in this cold room, enduring the sarcasm of this woman who never loved him? Out of loyalty, habits, respect of the etiquette?
Sho looked at the card, the little date handwritten at the back.
“True to be said, I won’t come this year.”
“What?”
“I have something else to do.”
“I advise you to reconsider the order of your priorities.” threatened his mother.
“Or what, mother? You and father will draw a line on me? Like you did with grandma?”
Sho was seriously pissed off. He never spoke so harshly to his parents and if he felt terrorized, seeing their reproachful gazes, he couldn’t stop anymore. He dared to talk about the taboo. This grandmother who threw away her respectability to live the life she chose.
“I forbid you to speak her name in this house.” She hissed, her face suddenly hateful.
His father took a glance at the scene above his paper.
“Why? Because she did what she want without giving a shit about rumours?”
“She is the one who disown us by doing what she did!”
“She’s a woman of honour, loyal to her beliefs and I forbid you to talk bad about her.” exploded Sho, totally crazy “You should care about the people who are living rather than the dead one!”
He stood up and grabbed his stuffs. He opened the door but his father’s voice stopped him.
“You won’t pass this threshold again unless you apologize properly.”
“You never fail to surprise me, father.”
He left the place without a look and drove to the one person who won’t judge him.
Sho climbed up the stairs of the building and knocked on the door of the association. He didn’t wait and entered the apartment, rushing to the old lady’s lounge. She was listening to an old jazz band. Sho couldn’t help but smiled tenderly. He sat by her side and took her hand delicately.
“You scared me.” She laughed out loud.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to.”
Imouto-sensei caressed the face of the man and frowned.
“Something bothers you, my Angel?”
Sho put his head on the woman’s lap, searching for her caress like he did when he was a child, feeling the stress leaving him gradually.
“Oba-chan…”
“You lunched with your parents?”
“How do you know?”
“I know my dear daughter by heart, she’s the only one who is able to depress you this way. But there’s something else, isn’t it?”
Sho opened his eyes, looking up at her, took back her hand, and caressing it.
“I’m lost Ba-chan.”
“Do tell me.”
“I don’t know what I have to do. I feel like staying in my bedroom all day long.”
“Well…what happened?” She said perceptively.
“Have it happen to you before? You know you shouldn’t do something, yet you crave for it?”
“Of course, too many times to be counted.”
“And what did you do?”
“You know what I did…look at me. I was rich, my life was perfectly well organized and I gave every little thing I possessed for children. I lost my husband, my daughter, my house…but I don’t regret it. I did what I dreamt to do, there’s a price to pay, that’s all.”
“Are you happy?”
“Here is the mistake!” said the old woman with a smile. “People believe that happiness is the ultimate goal. I’d rather believe there are some furtive moments, some longer moments when you can assert you’re happy.”
“You wrote wonderful books.”
“You could write some wonderful books too. You’re so talented.”
“I can’t. My parents won’t allow it.”
She sighed deeply and resumed her caress.
“Tell me your problem.”
“It’s Jun-kun.”
“Oh…Jun-kun…what’s bothering you about Jun-kun?”
“I think I’m in love with him.” He said in an undertone.
“And Maki-chan?”
“I’m in love with her…too. For some different reasons.”
“Did you talk to her?”
“No! Of course not. Nothing happened between Jun-kun and me and nothing will ever happen. I told him I won’t see him anymore. My parents…you know.”
“What does he think?”
“He blames me, I think. He’s sad probably. He said he was in love with me once.”
“I see…”
“And this morning, I found a card. He is celebrating his birthday and he invited me.”
“Do you intend to go?”
“I don’t know.”
“But you want to.”
“I do want see him, Ba-chan…this is so hard.”
“So, you have the answer.”
“But…he’s not a good man. There are pictures and rumours…he didn’t even deny it.”
“If you fell in love with him, there is good in him, Sho…trust yourself.”
“I’ll throw myself into the lion’s mouth.”
“And if you don’t, you will regret it sometime during all your lifetime.”
“I know he’s toying with me.”
“Are you sure or are you trying to convince yourself in order not to suffer?”
“I…” He thought thoroughly. “I don’t know. And if that’s the case? If I see him and not give up? And Maki? I can’t hurt her.”
“So you’ll stay with her knowing you’re in love with someone else? Sho-kun…” She held his hands. “You’re a wonderful person and this isn’t your parents’ work. I think I did a good job with you, teaching you how seeing people like they really are. Perhaps he isn’t a good man…perhaps will you suffer…certainly since you’re already suffering. But indecision is the worst solution. And I always thought that educating a child is teaching him to get up after a fall, not preventing the fall. I know you’ll get up again. I trust you.”
Sho remained silent and put his head on his grandmother’s lap once again, lulled by her caresses and Nat King Cole voice whispering words of love.
=+=+
Jun mother’s house was fully packed tonight.
For the past several weeks, the employees worked to decorate the place splendidly, the English garden, and the entire house. For two hours, guests, friends, people from the show business, acquaintances and artists came to celebrate the event of the season.
This woman who blamed herself for being more interested in being a lover more than a mother for her son always did her best to organize a larger party than the previous year. But Jun was her most beautiful success, and she told him again and again, as if it was enough to compensate her lack of stability. Blaming herself without doing anything to fix her addiction, she allowed him everything…rumours, the crazy expenses she could totally afford, and the lack of seriousness about his life.
She was by Jun’s side, in a splendid tailored dress, greeting the guests one after another.
“Happy birthday, darling.” She said kissing his cheek.
Jun smiled gently and kissed on his mother’s forehead. She was a gorgeous woman, men were crazy about her and Jun learnt a lot from her. But not once he saw her as manipulative or mean, contrary to the man he saw in the mirror each morning. She was fickle and gave her heart as quick as she took it back. Yet, Jun admired the way she was involved in each and every relationship. He couldn’t do this. And why should he anyways? To be permanently between two men, two women, two love and a broken heart? Not for him…
And since Sho left his life, he had a good sample of what he wanted to avoid at all cost. Nothing seem to be important now and he accepted this party only to please his mother, he couldn’t do this to her.
He couldn’t help but sliding an invitation under Sho’s door…even if he had no hope.
“I’ll take my leave.” said Jun’s mother.
“Why?”
“Look at all those pretty girls, you’ll be too busy to even notice my absence.”
“You’re the only one for me, Mum.” He said with a charming smile.
“I love you, you know?”
“I know.”
“We’ll lunch together this week?” She put on her coat.
Jun nodded and walked her to the door and came cross Nino with Masaki and Satoshi.
The President of the students pecked her cheek and Jun pulled him hard on his sleeve to quench his enthusiasm.
“Happy birthday, Jun-kun!” He handed him a bottle of champ.
“Thanks.” He answered, leaning to Masaki who was red as hell, pinching his cheek under the surprised look of the potter.
“Nice crowd.” cut Nino purposely.
“Always…”
Nino kept Jun company while the two love birds walked to the buffet. The alcohol began to take effect and the party people were louder and more debrided. In a corner, a couple was making out and Nino felt his interest growing. Jun’s parties were always full of surprises and he didn’t resist bringing along the little couple. They hadn’t moved at all, but Masaki changed. The day following the night he spent with Jun, he found Nino to tell him in confidence what happened. Nino smiled, thinking about the guilty look he had. “And did you like what Matsumoto-kun did to you?”
Masaki slowly nodded and his mentor burst out laughing.
“So, what’s the problem? Do you want to do it again with Jun-kun?”
New nods.
“It’s great.”
“But Satoshi-kun?”
“He’s the man you’re in love with. Jun-kun is your lover, it’s simple.”
Aiba sighed with relief. Everything sounded so simple with Nino.
The President of the students went back to his companion who fixated at the couple, very pissed.
“What’s with this gloomy look?”
“Which gloomy look?”
“Yours…it’s the other guy?”
“What are you talking about?”
“You invited him?”
“If you’re talking about Sho-kun, I did.”
“And he didn’t come?”
“Not yet.”
“Are you really in love?! I don’t recognize you. I’m…how could I put it…a bit disappointed, he’s so ordinary.”
Jun arched an eyebrow and glared at his friend.
“Of course not. I’m not in love with him, it’s simply despise. He’s tougher than I thought…”
“So give up and move on.”
“No way. He will be mine.”
“You’re tiring, with those obsessions. Let it go…” said Nino putting his arms around Jun’s neck, smiling and capturing his gaze. “Why won’t we find a pretty girl who will end the night between us…like the old times, it’s a good way to conclude a birthday party.”
Jun looked down, wondering if Nino’s proposition implied something far more interesting. For a moment he was tender with him, more touchy and he even kissed him a few weeks ago…maybe…he raised his gaze and Nino laughed. The smaller was watching something above Jun’s shoulder, his eyes narrowed.
Jun felt what was happening behind his back before even seeing it. He turned around and Sho was on his doorsteps, hands in his pockets, appalled.
When he met Jun’s gaze he ran away.
“Bastard.” whispered Jun to Nino as he began to run.
He caught him at the portal and grabbed his wrist.
“Wait, Sho, please.”
The student clenched his jaws coldly.
“You’re wrong, there’s nothing between Nino and I.”
“Stop lying Jun.”
“I swear, I waited for you tonight, I hoped you…” He cupped Sho’s face, trying to kiss him.
Sho turned the head.
“Leave me alone. If you care a bit about me, leave me alone. My life is upside down since you. I don’t sleep, I don’t eat, I hate myself because of you.”
“Because you can be yourself when you are with me?”
“Because with you, nothing is important anymore. Just you.”
“So let me love you, Sho.” murmured Jun, his heart exploding with joy after the confession.
He hugged him and squeezed him thigh.
“Do you love me Jun?” said Sho against his neck, sending thrills of pleasure through Jun’s body.
“I love you…I never love anyone but you. I won’t love anyone the way I love you now.” answered Jun overwhelmed by an unexpected ecstasy, unable to believe his luck.
A few minutes ago, he was low, drowning in an ocean of melancholy and now he was holding him tight, telling him how much he loves him.
“I missed you so much, Sho, you don’t know how much.”
In this very second, he sincerely believed it.
Jun moved back to put his lips on Sho’s. “Finally.” He thought as he was pressing his mouth against the pulpous one he dreamt about so much. But he stepped back, baffled. His lips were cold and didn’t answer to the kiss. Yes, he was stiff against him earlier. Jun felt as if he was hugging a block of ice. Carried away, he didn’t even notice.
“Sho?”
“So if you really love me, leave me alone.”
“What?”
“I don’t want to love you, I don’t want you in my life. I want a peaceful life, I want to find my old life back.”
“So why did you come tonight?”
“I wanted to see you. I craved for it. The time far from you let me think that the pain due to the absence was far worse than being at your side knowing that you were fooling me. But when I saw you with Ninomiya and I remembered. So…since I’m a weak man, spare me and don’t tempt me anymore. Good bye Matsumoto-san.”
Sho resumed his walk, the cold of the night biting him cruelly. He climbed into the car and after a few kilometres stopped the engine, gasping for air. Tears blurred his eyes and he kneeled, hiding his face behind his hands, swallowing his sobs. He tried to convince himself that his choice was for the best in spite of the mad craving for him to go back to Jun. It has been so good to be in his arms, to feel his laugher on his skin, to hear those sweet words…no, it was better this way.
When the knot in his throat disappeared, he drove to the campus.
The dormitories were empty and pitch black. Sho took out the key in his pocket, sliding it into the lock but it was already open. He forgot to lock it, his head was such a mess.
Sho switched on the light and his gaze crossed Jun’s. He was in the middle of the bedroom, his face serious and moving. He opened his arms and Sho ran to him, searching for his lips eagerly, dragging him to the bed, laughing and crying on his lips, on his neck. He cupped Jun’s face and looked at him directly.
He was in love with him, true…Sho could see the incredulity in his eyes, the joy he tried to hide, too afraid to be rejected once more, the desire so obvious…like Sho’s desire at this very moment.
Jun fixated the pulpous lips and pecked them tenderly, undoing the first buttons of his shirt, his mouth following his finger’s trail. Sho closed his eyelids, letting the sensation overwhelming him. His shirt falls on the floor and Jun toppled him on the bed, caressing his chest and his belly, kissing it. His hand patted Sho’s groin through the fabric, caressing the bulge misshaping the pants. As he was about to unzip it, Sho stopped him.
Jun freaked out.
“I never did it.” said Sho.
“I know Sho.”
“No you don’t. I never made love.”
Jun gazed at him, remaining silent. He sensed under the cotton material, Sho’s member softening. No doubt he was thinking about Maki right now…Jun moved until his mouth and kissed him hard.
“Thanks.” uttered Jun. “It’s the first time for me too. The first time I’m making love to someone I love.”
Sho welcomed the kiss and Jun slid his fingers inside the pants to wake up his flaccid shaft.
He pushed his legs apart and placing himself between them as he put his lips on Sho’s lower belly, making him moan then went south slowly moving up and down. Soon Sho was hard and erected “You are so beautiful” said Jun huskily, his own erection aching furiously.
“Come.” Sho opened his arms.
Jun laid by his side and Sho mirrored his previous movements. He tossed his shirt and sucked his nipples one after another patiently and zealously, licking the so tempting mole and Jun moaned in content, brushing his hair, his eyes on him. Sho froze above the zip but Jun opened it, freeing himself his aching sex. Seeing Sho’s hesitation he murmured:
“I don’t force you.”
Sho laid down against him, on his flank and taking his hands he intertwined their fingers like he dreamt. He nibbled Jun’s inferior lip for him to open the mouth to let him slide his tongue inside.
Jun groaned as their hands touched his erected member and began to make to-and-fro movements. Feeling Sho’s hand on his manhood put him in trance…it was the most erotic thing he ever knew, far more confusing than all those pure sex sessions he lived.
“Sho…” He susurrated before making him rolled over “I really want you.”
Sho chuckled, glancing down their two rigid sex.
“I want to be inside you.” He smiled against his neck.
Sho panicked. Of course, he knew what two men were doing in a bed but he never thought he would have to live it. Since Jun, his entire benchmarks vanished and it was exhilarating and stressful. Yet, it was too late to hesitate, not when they were in his bed, feeling his heart beating furiously in his chest.
He nodded slowly.
Jun kissed him again, and then stiffened.
“What?” asked Sho.
“I have nothing…to prepare you, I mean.”
“I don’t care.” said Sho, coming back to his mouth.
“Yes, we care or you’ll never allow me to lay a hand on you again…wait.”
Jun leaped on his feet and rummaged in Sho’s bedroom then went back to him, shutting off the light.
“What are you doing?” asked Sho.
“I preserve the mystery.”
Jun’s fingers trailed a line on Sho’s skin. It was damn good, just like the mouth on his member. He couldn’t repress a scream when Jun deep throated him while he began to finger his hole skilfully.
He grabbed the sheets, tore between the sensation of the greedy mouth and the three fingers stretching him. Jun found his soft spot immediately and played to tease it, driving Sho crazy.
“Jun…I’m gonna…” He put his hand on Jun’s head to stop his ministrations.
“Not now, you have to wait for me.” He hovered over Sho.
Sho parted his legs wider, feeling Jun’s hardness rubbing his groin. They kissed again and Sho relaxed enough for Jun to penetrate him. Feeling Sho tensing again he tried to appease him.
“I’m sorry Sho, excuse me…I’m hurting you.”
“Keep on.” threw Sho, tears at the corner of his eyes that Jun licked amorously, thrusting deeper. Sho screamed and scratched Jun’s back.
“I’m going to move now.”
Sho nodded and couldn’t keep a new groan, feeling again the sensation Jun made him feel with his fingers earlier.
Jun moved slowly in him, enjoying Sho’s little screams in his ear. It was so sweet and unexpected that he couldn’t believe he was making love to Sakurai Sho. It was far better than everything he imagined. Hearing his own name murmured with passion, he released hard inside him, his scream of victory louder than the noise of their skins rubbing against each other. He withdrew and took him in his mouth again, swallowing his seed eagerly until the last drop.
He put his head on Sho’s belly, listening to his hectic breathe, smiling idiotically, beyond happy.
Sho caressed him gently, dragging him to his lips, confused to find his own taste on Jun’s mouth, blushing because he figured out that his sperm slid in Jun’s throat. Yet he enjoyed his smile and his almost childish joy in the dark. He passed the Rubicon and God only knew what would happen now. But what his grandmother said was true. In this very moment, he could cry with happiness.
“Tell me now.” murmured Sho, stroking Jun’s hair.
“What?”
“What you used?”
“I’ll buy you a new one tomorrow.”
“What will you buy?”
“Oil…gomen, that’s all I found.”
Sho laughed, startled by the absurdity of the scene. So he was here, in his bed, this great seducer.
TBC...
Author : WendyJoly
Rating : NC-17
Pairing : Various but mainly Sakumoto
Beta : The wonderful
jtaytt ♥Genre : Schemes, university and love
Summary : Masaki Aiba enters the prestigious Tokyo U and becomes the stake of a game he totally ignores.
Note : This story is a very freely adapted version of one of my ever favourite book, “Les Liaisons Dangereuses” by Choderlos de Laclos.
Sitting in his parent’s lounge, Sho turned between his fingers the card he found on his threshold this morning. Someone slid it under the door and if it hadn’t been purple, he probably didn’t notice it.
It has been three weeks since he drew a line on Jun and its three weeks since his life was made into one of doubt and angst. He became his own torturer, his desire the prisoner of his willpower. On the verge of implosion, unable to find a way out of this melancholy.
He would have given everything to knock at this door that is so close and laugh with him as if nothing happened between them. Why does his conscience have to get in the way? His guilty conscience and the terrible physical attraction he felt for the man.
Sho hid it all day long, at the university, with his parents who were so proud to have such a clever son, every evening with Maki on the phone or through the webcam. But where was he? How was his life now? Once again he had to face his deficiency in human relationship matter, being in automatic pilot in a life he didn’t really choose. Truth to be said, nothing has really changed and until now, he managed to forget it to move on. If only Maki was here everything would have been simpler.
But Jun didn’t make his task any easier.
He didn’t accept the rejection and every day, Sho had to overcome a new ordeal, making each act of resistance more and more difficult.
The previous day, he found him in the hall as he went to his bedroom. Sho tried to walk by, avoiding his gaze but Jun spoke his name.
“Sho, how long do you intend to avoid me?”
“I don’t avoid you.”
“What a shitty liar.”
“Bye.”
Sho walked away hastily but he heard Jun’s steps behind and the latter gripped his wrist strongly.
“You are punishing me for something happened ages ago. Talk to me at least, you can’t act as if I never existed in your life…it’s cruel. And I know you’re not.”
“What do you really want, Jun, honestly?”
Sho stared at him finally and reading the doubt in his eyes. Jun didn’t answer immediately.
“You.”
For the first time since they met, he had this look. The look of a man who can’t take it anymore. Sho turned his back to him and resumed his walk, feeling his resolution flinching, struggling against the desire he had to listen his sweet words. Shutting his mind to let his desire taking the control.
“Sho!” yelled Jun angrily, “I don’t know how to forget you. I don’t know how move on, I don’t know nothing anymore. Please, I’m lost.”
“I’m lost too.” said Sho without turning around.
“So why are you struggling? Why do you refuse to be happy, to make me happy?”
“By tossing my entire life out the window?”
“You crave for it too, it’s crystal-clear. But look at me, fuck!”
Sho turned around slowly, seeing the anger and the frustration misshaping Jun’s beautiful face. He smiled sadly and entered his bedroom, putting his earphones on his head in order not to hear anymore. Jun or this crazy desire twisting his entrails painfully.
“Sho?”
“Hm?”
“I’d like you to be at the main table for the charity ball this year. You will meet our stockholders.”
“Don’t you find this strange?” He said absent-mindedly, fixating on the card in his hand.
“What?”
“That a charity ball used to be a company meeting. It should be, I don’t know, perhaps, the chance to do something good without privileging one’s own interest.”
“Don’t be childish. How could we unite so many people if we had to talk about needy children?”
She was so cynical. Sho’s father kept on reading his economic paper.
“Yeah…I can be so childish sometimes.”
Once again he gazed at his father and his splendid indifference for the world around, his mother arranging a bouquet of flowers almost mathematically.
Nothing would ever change in this house. On the wall facing him, a picture of his brother with his parents, smiling, confident. He wanted to scream, to exit this house and never coming back. So why was he here, each Sunday, in this cold room, enduring the sarcasm of this woman who never loved him? Out of loyalty, habits, respect of the etiquette?
Sho looked at the card, the little date handwritten at the back.
“True to be said, I won’t come this year.”
“What?”
“I have something else to do.”
“I advise you to reconsider the order of your priorities.” threatened his mother.
“Or what, mother? You and father will draw a line on me? Like you did with grandma?”
Sho was seriously pissed off. He never spoke so harshly to his parents and if he felt terrorized, seeing their reproachful gazes, he couldn’t stop anymore. He dared to talk about the taboo. This grandmother who threw away her respectability to live the life she chose.
“I forbid you to speak her name in this house.” She hissed, her face suddenly hateful.
His father took a glance at the scene above his paper.
“Why? Because she did what she want without giving a shit about rumours?”
“She is the one who disown us by doing what she did!”
“She’s a woman of honour, loyal to her beliefs and I forbid you to talk bad about her.” exploded Sho, totally crazy “You should care about the people who are living rather than the dead one!”
He stood up and grabbed his stuffs. He opened the door but his father’s voice stopped him.
“You won’t pass this threshold again unless you apologize properly.”
“You never fail to surprise me, father.”
He left the place without a look and drove to the one person who won’t judge him.
Sho climbed up the stairs of the building and knocked on the door of the association. He didn’t wait and entered the apartment, rushing to the old lady’s lounge. She was listening to an old jazz band. Sho couldn’t help but smiled tenderly. He sat by her side and took her hand delicately.
“You scared me.” She laughed out loud.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to.”
Imouto-sensei caressed the face of the man and frowned.
“Something bothers you, my Angel?”
Sho put his head on the woman’s lap, searching for her caress like he did when he was a child, feeling the stress leaving him gradually.
“Oba-chan…”
“You lunched with your parents?”
“How do you know?”
“I know my dear daughter by heart, she’s the only one who is able to depress you this way. But there’s something else, isn’t it?”
Sho opened his eyes, looking up at her, took back her hand, and caressing it.
“I’m lost Ba-chan.”
“Do tell me.”
“I don’t know what I have to do. I feel like staying in my bedroom all day long.”
“Well…what happened?” She said perceptively.
“Have it happen to you before? You know you shouldn’t do something, yet you crave for it?”
“Of course, too many times to be counted.”
“And what did you do?”
“You know what I did…look at me. I was rich, my life was perfectly well organized and I gave every little thing I possessed for children. I lost my husband, my daughter, my house…but I don’t regret it. I did what I dreamt to do, there’s a price to pay, that’s all.”
“Are you happy?”
“Here is the mistake!” said the old woman with a smile. “People believe that happiness is the ultimate goal. I’d rather believe there are some furtive moments, some longer moments when you can assert you’re happy.”
“You wrote wonderful books.”
“You could write some wonderful books too. You’re so talented.”
“I can’t. My parents won’t allow it.”
She sighed deeply and resumed her caress.
“Tell me your problem.”
“It’s Jun-kun.”
“Oh…Jun-kun…what’s bothering you about Jun-kun?”
“I think I’m in love with him.” He said in an undertone.
“And Maki-chan?”
“I’m in love with her…too. For some different reasons.”
“Did you talk to her?”
“No! Of course not. Nothing happened between Jun-kun and me and nothing will ever happen. I told him I won’t see him anymore. My parents…you know.”
“What does he think?”
“He blames me, I think. He’s sad probably. He said he was in love with me once.”
“I see…”
“And this morning, I found a card. He is celebrating his birthday and he invited me.”
“Do you intend to go?”
“I don’t know.”
“But you want to.”
“I do want see him, Ba-chan…this is so hard.”
“So, you have the answer.”
“But…he’s not a good man. There are pictures and rumours…he didn’t even deny it.”
“If you fell in love with him, there is good in him, Sho…trust yourself.”
“I’ll throw myself into the lion’s mouth.”
“And if you don’t, you will regret it sometime during all your lifetime.”
“I know he’s toying with me.”
“Are you sure or are you trying to convince yourself in order not to suffer?”
“I…” He thought thoroughly. “I don’t know. And if that’s the case? If I see him and not give up? And Maki? I can’t hurt her.”
“So you’ll stay with her knowing you’re in love with someone else? Sho-kun…” She held his hands. “You’re a wonderful person and this isn’t your parents’ work. I think I did a good job with you, teaching you how seeing people like they really are. Perhaps he isn’t a good man…perhaps will you suffer…certainly since you’re already suffering. But indecision is the worst solution. And I always thought that educating a child is teaching him to get up after a fall, not preventing the fall. I know you’ll get up again. I trust you.”
Sho remained silent and put his head on his grandmother’s lap once again, lulled by her caresses and Nat King Cole voice whispering words of love.
=+=+
Jun mother’s house was fully packed tonight.
For the past several weeks, the employees worked to decorate the place splendidly, the English garden, and the entire house. For two hours, guests, friends, people from the show business, acquaintances and artists came to celebrate the event of the season.
This woman who blamed herself for being more interested in being a lover more than a mother for her son always did her best to organize a larger party than the previous year. But Jun was her most beautiful success, and she told him again and again, as if it was enough to compensate her lack of stability. Blaming herself without doing anything to fix her addiction, she allowed him everything…rumours, the crazy expenses she could totally afford, and the lack of seriousness about his life.
She was by Jun’s side, in a splendid tailored dress, greeting the guests one after another.
“Happy birthday, darling.” She said kissing his cheek.
Jun smiled gently and kissed on his mother’s forehead. She was a gorgeous woman, men were crazy about her and Jun learnt a lot from her. But not once he saw her as manipulative or mean, contrary to the man he saw in the mirror each morning. She was fickle and gave her heart as quick as she took it back. Yet, Jun admired the way she was involved in each and every relationship. He couldn’t do this. And why should he anyways? To be permanently between two men, two women, two love and a broken heart? Not for him…
And since Sho left his life, he had a good sample of what he wanted to avoid at all cost. Nothing seem to be important now and he accepted this party only to please his mother, he couldn’t do this to her.
He couldn’t help but sliding an invitation under Sho’s door…even if he had no hope.
“I’ll take my leave.” said Jun’s mother.
“Why?”
“Look at all those pretty girls, you’ll be too busy to even notice my absence.”
“You’re the only one for me, Mum.” He said with a charming smile.
“I love you, you know?”
“I know.”
“We’ll lunch together this week?” She put on her coat.
Jun nodded and walked her to the door and came cross Nino with Masaki and Satoshi.
The President of the students pecked her cheek and Jun pulled him hard on his sleeve to quench his enthusiasm.
“Happy birthday, Jun-kun!” He handed him a bottle of champ.
“Thanks.” He answered, leaning to Masaki who was red as hell, pinching his cheek under the surprised look of the potter.
“Nice crowd.” cut Nino purposely.
“Always…”
Nino kept Jun company while the two love birds walked to the buffet. The alcohol began to take effect and the party people were louder and more debrided. In a corner, a couple was making out and Nino felt his interest growing. Jun’s parties were always full of surprises and he didn’t resist bringing along the little couple. They hadn’t moved at all, but Masaki changed. The day following the night he spent with Jun, he found Nino to tell him in confidence what happened. Nino smiled, thinking about the guilty look he had. “And did you like what Matsumoto-kun did to you?”
Masaki slowly nodded and his mentor burst out laughing.
“So, what’s the problem? Do you want to do it again with Jun-kun?”
New nods.
“It’s great.”
“But Satoshi-kun?”
“He’s the man you’re in love with. Jun-kun is your lover, it’s simple.”
Aiba sighed with relief. Everything sounded so simple with Nino.
The President of the students went back to his companion who fixated at the couple, very pissed.
“What’s with this gloomy look?”
“Which gloomy look?”
“Yours…it’s the other guy?”
“What are you talking about?”
“You invited him?”
“If you’re talking about Sho-kun, I did.”
“And he didn’t come?”
“Not yet.”
“Are you really in love?! I don’t recognize you. I’m…how could I put it…a bit disappointed, he’s so ordinary.”
Jun arched an eyebrow and glared at his friend.
“Of course not. I’m not in love with him, it’s simply despise. He’s tougher than I thought…”
“So give up and move on.”
“No way. He will be mine.”
“You’re tiring, with those obsessions. Let it go…” said Nino putting his arms around Jun’s neck, smiling and capturing his gaze. “Why won’t we find a pretty girl who will end the night between us…like the old times, it’s a good way to conclude a birthday party.”
Jun looked down, wondering if Nino’s proposition implied something far more interesting. For a moment he was tender with him, more touchy and he even kissed him a few weeks ago…maybe…he raised his gaze and Nino laughed. The smaller was watching something above Jun’s shoulder, his eyes narrowed.
Jun felt what was happening behind his back before even seeing it. He turned around and Sho was on his doorsteps, hands in his pockets, appalled.
When he met Jun’s gaze he ran away.
“Bastard.” whispered Jun to Nino as he began to run.
He caught him at the portal and grabbed his wrist.
“Wait, Sho, please.”
The student clenched his jaws coldly.
“You’re wrong, there’s nothing between Nino and I.”
“Stop lying Jun.”
“I swear, I waited for you tonight, I hoped you…” He cupped Sho’s face, trying to kiss him.
Sho turned the head.
“Leave me alone. If you care a bit about me, leave me alone. My life is upside down since you. I don’t sleep, I don’t eat, I hate myself because of you.”
“Because you can be yourself when you are with me?”
“Because with you, nothing is important anymore. Just you.”
“So let me love you, Sho.” murmured Jun, his heart exploding with joy after the confession.
He hugged him and squeezed him thigh.
“Do you love me Jun?” said Sho against his neck, sending thrills of pleasure through Jun’s body.
“I love you…I never love anyone but you. I won’t love anyone the way I love you now.” answered Jun overwhelmed by an unexpected ecstasy, unable to believe his luck.
A few minutes ago, he was low, drowning in an ocean of melancholy and now he was holding him tight, telling him how much he loves him.
“I missed you so much, Sho, you don’t know how much.”
In this very second, he sincerely believed it.
Jun moved back to put his lips on Sho’s. “Finally.” He thought as he was pressing his mouth against the pulpous one he dreamt about so much. But he stepped back, baffled. His lips were cold and didn’t answer to the kiss. Yes, he was stiff against him earlier. Jun felt as if he was hugging a block of ice. Carried away, he didn’t even notice.
“Sho?”
“So if you really love me, leave me alone.”
“What?”
“I don’t want to love you, I don’t want you in my life. I want a peaceful life, I want to find my old life back.”
“So why did you come tonight?”
“I wanted to see you. I craved for it. The time far from you let me think that the pain due to the absence was far worse than being at your side knowing that you were fooling me. But when I saw you with Ninomiya and I remembered. So…since I’m a weak man, spare me and don’t tempt me anymore. Good bye Matsumoto-san.”
Sho resumed his walk, the cold of the night biting him cruelly. He climbed into the car and after a few kilometres stopped the engine, gasping for air. Tears blurred his eyes and he kneeled, hiding his face behind his hands, swallowing his sobs. He tried to convince himself that his choice was for the best in spite of the mad craving for him to go back to Jun. It has been so good to be in his arms, to feel his laugher on his skin, to hear those sweet words…no, it was better this way.
When the knot in his throat disappeared, he drove to the campus.
The dormitories were empty and pitch black. Sho took out the key in his pocket, sliding it into the lock but it was already open. He forgot to lock it, his head was such a mess.
Sho switched on the light and his gaze crossed Jun’s. He was in the middle of the bedroom, his face serious and moving. He opened his arms and Sho ran to him, searching for his lips eagerly, dragging him to the bed, laughing and crying on his lips, on his neck. He cupped Jun’s face and looked at him directly.
He was in love with him, true…Sho could see the incredulity in his eyes, the joy he tried to hide, too afraid to be rejected once more, the desire so obvious…like Sho’s desire at this very moment.
Jun fixated the pulpous lips and pecked them tenderly, undoing the first buttons of his shirt, his mouth following his finger’s trail. Sho closed his eyelids, letting the sensation overwhelming him. His shirt falls on the floor and Jun toppled him on the bed, caressing his chest and his belly, kissing it. His hand patted Sho’s groin through the fabric, caressing the bulge misshaping the pants. As he was about to unzip it, Sho stopped him.
Jun freaked out.
“I never did it.” said Sho.
“I know Sho.”
“No you don’t. I never made love.”
Jun gazed at him, remaining silent. He sensed under the cotton material, Sho’s member softening. No doubt he was thinking about Maki right now…Jun moved until his mouth and kissed him hard.
“Thanks.” uttered Jun. “It’s the first time for me too. The first time I’m making love to someone I love.”
Sho welcomed the kiss and Jun slid his fingers inside the pants to wake up his flaccid shaft.
He pushed his legs apart and placing himself between them as he put his lips on Sho’s lower belly, making him moan then went south slowly moving up and down. Soon Sho was hard and erected “You are so beautiful” said Jun huskily, his own erection aching furiously.
“Come.” Sho opened his arms.
Jun laid by his side and Sho mirrored his previous movements. He tossed his shirt and sucked his nipples one after another patiently and zealously, licking the so tempting mole and Jun moaned in content, brushing his hair, his eyes on him. Sho froze above the zip but Jun opened it, freeing himself his aching sex. Seeing Sho’s hesitation he murmured:
“I don’t force you.”
Sho laid down against him, on his flank and taking his hands he intertwined their fingers like he dreamt. He nibbled Jun’s inferior lip for him to open the mouth to let him slide his tongue inside.
Jun groaned as their hands touched his erected member and began to make to-and-fro movements. Feeling Sho’s hand on his manhood put him in trance…it was the most erotic thing he ever knew, far more confusing than all those pure sex sessions he lived.
“Sho…” He susurrated before making him rolled over “I really want you.”
Sho chuckled, glancing down their two rigid sex.
“I want to be inside you.” He smiled against his neck.
Sho panicked. Of course, he knew what two men were doing in a bed but he never thought he would have to live it. Since Jun, his entire benchmarks vanished and it was exhilarating and stressful. Yet, it was too late to hesitate, not when they were in his bed, feeling his heart beating furiously in his chest.
He nodded slowly.
Jun kissed him again, and then stiffened.
“What?” asked Sho.
“I have nothing…to prepare you, I mean.”
“I don’t care.” said Sho, coming back to his mouth.
“Yes, we care or you’ll never allow me to lay a hand on you again…wait.”
Jun leaped on his feet and rummaged in Sho’s bedroom then went back to him, shutting off the light.
“What are you doing?” asked Sho.
“I preserve the mystery.”
Jun’s fingers trailed a line on Sho’s skin. It was damn good, just like the mouth on his member. He couldn’t repress a scream when Jun deep throated him while he began to finger his hole skilfully.
He grabbed the sheets, tore between the sensation of the greedy mouth and the three fingers stretching him. Jun found his soft spot immediately and played to tease it, driving Sho crazy.
“Jun…I’m gonna…” He put his hand on Jun’s head to stop his ministrations.
“Not now, you have to wait for me.” He hovered over Sho.
Sho parted his legs wider, feeling Jun’s hardness rubbing his groin. They kissed again and Sho relaxed enough for Jun to penetrate him. Feeling Sho tensing again he tried to appease him.
“I’m sorry Sho, excuse me…I’m hurting you.”
“Keep on.” threw Sho, tears at the corner of his eyes that Jun licked amorously, thrusting deeper. Sho screamed and scratched Jun’s back.
“I’m going to move now.”
Sho nodded and couldn’t keep a new groan, feeling again the sensation Jun made him feel with his fingers earlier.
Jun moved slowly in him, enjoying Sho’s little screams in his ear. It was so sweet and unexpected that he couldn’t believe he was making love to Sakurai Sho. It was far better than everything he imagined. Hearing his own name murmured with passion, he released hard inside him, his scream of victory louder than the noise of their skins rubbing against each other. He withdrew and took him in his mouth again, swallowing his seed eagerly until the last drop.
He put his head on Sho’s belly, listening to his hectic breathe, smiling idiotically, beyond happy.
Sho caressed him gently, dragging him to his lips, confused to find his own taste on Jun’s mouth, blushing because he figured out that his sperm slid in Jun’s throat. Yet he enjoyed his smile and his almost childish joy in the dark. He passed the Rubicon and God only knew what would happen now. But what his grandmother said was true. In this very moment, he could cry with happiness.
“Tell me now.” murmured Sho, stroking Jun’s hair.
“What?”
“What you used?”
“I’ll buy you a new one tomorrow.”
“What will you buy?”
“Oil…gomen, that’s all I found.”
Sho laughed, startled by the absurdity of the scene. So he was here, in his bed, this great seducer.
TBC...
