The maps that leads to you (3/4)
Sep. 5th, 2014 05:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wendyjolyTitle: The map that leads to you
Author: WendyJoly
Pairing : Guess who~
Rating: NC-17
Lenght : Chaptered
Beta : Uchiwas and penlights to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
chibipinkpetals
Genre: Love, curiosity and mistery
Disclaimer: I owe nothing but Arashi owns surely my soul
Summary : When Ninomiya Kazunari crosses the path of a mysterious and rich man, buying pieces of Art like he buys groceries, he decides to solve the mystery, even if he had to draw himself the map that leads to him.
PART 3
I've never set a foot in Canada, the only image I have is bear hunting, maple syrup and the big loggers with checkered shirt…not enough to make friends.
But I’m not there with that purpose and I rapidly look for a drive for Moraine Lake after catching a touristic book.
I don’t know what I’ll find at the end of the road and I hope Aiba left some hints for me. Three days are necessary for me to reach Lake Louise, a little snowy town 15 km away from the famous lake.
My entering in the local hotel causes sensation. Japanese people are probably not so frequent here. Not sure it’s good sign for me.
It's freezing outside and it’s with a satisfied smile that I find the warmth of the fireplace – I've always been weak against the cold. Once settled and changed, I begin my investigation.
No one's ever seen him, no one knows him…I expected as much.
So, I wander in town, pretending I’m a tourist, a trekking freak who waits the occasion to try the mountains around. I have to wait one week until the snow tempest finally cease for the ability to walk towards the Lake.
Saying it’s a marvel is an understatement. A blue azure lake because of the UV reverberation on the rocks, the White Mountains and forest everywhere.
I smile when I realize he really lives here. For a Japanese from Hokkaido who never goes back home, he couldn’t find a more similar place. The climate here is rude too, the woods and the mountains are a natural rampart against the rest of the world. It’s obvious. He can’t live in town because he would be immediately spotted, but I’m now convinced the people here are protecting him on their own way. No one will lead me to his place and I look around to ask to the local guides what trekking they are proposing and find out the place they are avoiding. There are 5 official trails in the mountains. The Lake Moraine trail, the Eiffel Lake, the Wenchemna passageway, the Larch Valley and the Sentinel passageway. This latter is the most difficult according them.
I take my equipment and at dawn, I take the road.
Walking fast, I reach the first trail at 8 AM and at 12, the first passageway. That’s when I set a foot on the Larch Valley that my troubles begin. The sky is threatening and after 2 hours, I can’t see anything beyond 3 meters.
Luckily for me, I have the time to reach a little shelter and I can warm myself and eat something I brought with me. There are some cans on the shelves, but I can’t keep the fire alive if I can’t go out. If only the weather could turn in my favour…but a new day passes without any improvement and I begin to freeze, cursing my stubbornness and my carelessness. But I don’t regret leaving my daily life to chase after him, I didn’t have the choice so I can’t have any remorse. Even if it means losing my life here and now.
In a blur, I finally feel warm and a hot liquid touching my chapped lips painfully.
*
When I open my eyes, I’m crippled with pain, unable to decide what hurt the most. Yet, I lay down in a comfortable bed, I’m hot and I smell good. I’m even starved.
I straighten and observe the place. It’s a big bedroom where a fire burn in a fireplace with an exquisite pine-tree odour. The curtains are closed and I go out of the bed to open them. If there’s a huge terrace on the other side of the wide-window, I’m at the first or second level of a house. There’s a snowy valley beneath, with no trace of trail at all.
The light in the bedroom allows me to notice that the house is made with logs, like the swiss or Canadians chalets.
“Are you awake?”
I turn around and face the gentle face of Aiba.
“You found me?”
“I didn’t. But I can assure you that you were in bad shape.”
I look at the mirror and my face is covered by injuries due to the frost.
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Where am I?”
“You’re not in town if it’s your question.”
“Am I at his place?”
“Indeed.”
I made it? I grin and frown painfully.
“If you wish to take a shower, the bathroom is right behind you. I will lead you to him after.”
I try to do everything as fast as I can, forgetting my awful look, putting on the outfit the butler left to me. I follow him along the corridors of the enormous chalet. There is no one else but us, a most religious silence reigns everywhere and I freeze when I suddenly face an entire wall made in glass, I’m in the middle of a snow ball.
Aiba opens a door and I hear a soft music from the end of the room. It’s a library of fairy tale. Thousands of books on wooden shelves decorated by beautiful arabesque we can only touch with a step ladder.
When I turn around, Aiba has walked by me and afar, a silhouette. He’s reading something and doesn’t raise his gaze on me. I freak out suddenly. And if he acted like at London? If he ignored me and looked at me like the crazy guy I am? Who would have risk his life for a man he barely know? No one…
“He’s awake.” Aiba says to his boss.
He rises and stares at me coldly and finally goes back to the butler. He sounds to be furious.
“What do you want from me?” He says immediately.
“To see you.”
“Who could be dumb enough to go out in a storm?” He’s very angry. Against me, his butler, I don’t know.
“I guess…me.”
“Aiba, get out.”
“Sho, please.”
“I said get out!” He shouts now and when the man passes the threshold, he approaches me, his hands behind his back, scrutinizing me coldly.
“Is it your name, Sho?”
“…”
“Your real name?”
“Why are you here? Really?”
“I wanted to see you, really.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m an idiot who goes out during a storm to meet a man he fell in love after a night.”
“Bullshit.”
“It’s true!”
“You want a scoop, that’s all.”
“I won’t write anything. I swear.”
His look is like ice and he keeps on walking, I’m unable to think anymore. I smell his perfume overwhelming me and seducing me again, I die to touch him.
“Are you trying to make me believe that you crossed half of the world because you’re in love with me?”
“It’s true.”
I catch him as he passes in front of me and his gaze is not so self-assured suddenly. I caress his cheek and he closes his eyes to not see me again. But he bewitches me and I don’t think further and link our lips, feeling my heart jumping to him. I’m finally serene, I know I did the good choice, my life won’t have any sense without him. Whoever he could be.
I half open my mouth and cup his face, nibble his lip, already glad that he doesn’t push me away like I thought he did.
“Why can’t you resume your life and forget me? You won’t have any financial problems anymore, you and the people you cherish.”
“I can’t live without you.”
He moves back and before leaving me the chance to react, he grabs a katana on the wall and throws me on the floor, putting the blade on my throat.
“So perhaps should I kill you right now to avoid a long agony for the both of us?”
What did he live to be so afraid to be loved?
“So kill me, but I won’t forget you. I will chase you again and again.”
I feel his grip loosens and he takes off the katana, without real relief. I still don’t know what I won if I stay alive.
“If you live by my side, you will have to leave everything.” He murmurs huskily. “You won’t see your family, your friends, I won’t let you meet strangers.”
“I agree.”
I answer immediately and I smirk.
“Kazunari, you have to promise me to never ask any question about me. I’m a monster and~”
I don’t let him achieve his sentence and I take his mouth avidly, finally feeling life running through my veins when he lays me down and tears off my clothes to bare me. I thrill deliciously as he kisses me madly, chuckling against his neck to feel him so hastened.
But this time, I undress him hastily, excited to feel his skin on mine. His hands erase the aches of my body, activate the blood in my system and warm my heart. I abandon myself to him, eager to feel him inside me, craving for him so desperately. We shout at unison when he finally penetrate me slowly, going forth and going back immediately stronger. He smiles to me, tensed above me, detailing me amorously, glancing at our two lower bellies united, my member proudly erected.
I can’t get enough to look at him when he makes love to me. He’s muscular, tensed, so mannish and virile that he leaves me breathless. So male and virile that I have nothing to fear with him, he will protect me whatever it could happen. I smile idiotically, I never imagined I needed someone before and certainly not to be protected. I’m strong and weak with him, shy and ready to do anything for him to be mine.
He pecks my jaws and my ear, sucking the tender skin of my neck as he pounds in me fiercely, making me moan and scream when I climax.
We’re staring at each other for a few minutes and I roll over to straddle him, weighing on him making him laugh out loud. I kiss him eagerly, tying his wrists up above his head, discovering new scars. I lick them lovingly and the hand I released caresses gently my hair.
I kiss his lips tenderly, unable to believe the chance I have.
“I love you.”
“Sakurai. Sakurai Sho. This is my real name.”
I lay down by his side and observe him, stroking his stomach with the back of my hand.
“I love you Sho.”
When I wake up for the second time in the chalet, I’m in the same bed and all alone once again. He made love to me all night long, like this time at Monte Negro and he dragged me into this room to put me into bed. I fell asleep first, naively thinking he would be by my side when I’ll wake up.
I run into Aiba at the kitchen who tells me he left for a business trip, during a few days, I have to wait for him patiently here. At first I’m frustrated but I figure out, astonished, that I’m glad to be the plaything of his whim.
During those days, I wander inside the house, visiting the numerous rooms, happy to live in such a wonderful place. I don’t wonder what my life will be from now, since I chose to limit it to his universe and his desires.
He comes back home unannounced and doesn’t even take the time to greet his butler. He grabs my wrist and drags me to my bedroom to make love to me fiercely against the wall. The desire he has for me drives me crazy and once again shuts the voice which whispers to my ear that I’m only a sex toy for him, only here to satisfy his sexual needs.
“Where were you?” I dare to ask the question as, full of sex, we’re lying against each other.
“Brussels.”
“What did you do out there?”
“I intended to a convention.”
“About Europe?” The question sounds to be legitimate. In my mind, Brussels and Europe are linked but seeing his look, he doesn’t agree with me.
“You promised, Kazunari.” To not ask any questions, I know. I simply never thought that this kind of mere question would be forbidden too.
I look away and he goes out of the bed suddenly. It’s a punishment for having breaking the first rule he imposed me. I bite my lip, frustrated, angry with myself, because I irritated him after 2 hours only.
I find him in his study where he’s reading a stack of letters, probably let by Aiba during his absence.
“Excuse me. I know I promised. I’m a journalist and it’s like a second nature to ask questions.”
He raises his gaze on me and the tenderness takes the place of the anger. He comes to me and caresses my cheek softly.
“It’s for your own good. I don’t want to give you an answer unbearable to hear. Do you understand?”
“I can hear everything from you. You could be a yakuza or an international thief…if you let me love you, I can hear everything.”
He smiles and kisses me chastely to erase the pain he inflected to me by leaving early. But he doesn’t answer, shutting my interrogations by a new kiss.
We dine together near the fireplace, a delicious and luxurious meal cooked by Aiba, and after the dessert, he takes my hand to lead me to a stair. We’re climbing down until a basement hidden behind several locked doors. I can't help but whistle in admiration when we're penetrating a room like a huge museum.
“What’s this?” It’s barely a sight as I face a Klimt I never saw in any exhibition or book. Ohno would be crazy if he was here…
“My collection.”
No way. Here are some famous pieces of art of the greatest masters in the world. He keeps his eyes on me, a happy smile adorning his face and I’m totally paralyzed.
“I could spend my life here.”
He laughs and holds my hand to guide me to a white statute calling for the caress.
A nude woman hidden behind a veil is laid erotically, her arms around the neck of a winged man, ready to be kissed.
“This is the original of 'Psyché ranimée par le baiser de l'Amour' by Canova. »
« I saw it at the Louvres. »
“In Paris, this is a copy.”
“How did you~”
“Long story.”
He puts his ringed hand on the delicate ankle of Psyche, slowly slides it to its hip and I feel my belly twisted by a mad desire.
“Do you know their story?”
I shake my head, fascinated by the eroticism of the scene.
“Psyche was so beautiful that she bothered Aphrodite herself. She sent her son, Cupid, to throw an arrow into her heart but he fell in love with her at the first sight. They loved each other and he promised to her to come back to her bed each night if she didn’t try to see his face. She agreed for love but her curiosity was so strong, she used an oil lamp and realized he was Cupid. Yet, she broke her promise and she lost him.”
“Strange story. Is it for me?”
“One should enjoy what is offered. Sometimes knowledge brings only misery.”
“Not every bit of truth is fit to be told?”
“Exactly.”
I observe his sad smile as he whispers the last word, going back to his index fingers caressing so sensually the breast of the woman. It’s too much for me. I’m trapped in a love game. I’m Psyche, prisoner of ignorance if I want to keep my lover. It’s not a choice…I don’t think I’m able to love until the end of my life a perfect stranger. But I can’t leave him because it would be suicide.
I go to him and fall on my knees, unzipping his pants audaciously to seal my agreement and quench momentarily my thirst of him.
*
He leaves the chalet soon after, leaving Aiba behind and I know it’s because he’s afraid for me. Or he’s here to watch over me, whispers the little voice. He’s a cultivated man, secretive like his master and I don’t even try to obtain information from him. I sincerely think I managed to shut my natural curiosity and it amazes me.
Once again, he makes love to me without taking the time to undress. He craves me like I crave him and it’s enough for me to bear our frequent separations.
*
Months are passing by and I have the feeling to be a man in an Ohoku, waiting for the Emperor’s return, laid down on a bed. He satisfies me in any possible way, even if I ignore so many things about him.
Yet, accepting to stay between the four walls of our house is harder and harder to accept.
One morning, I wake up to find him packing up. This time, I am on time to catch him actually preparing to leave, not like before – as if he leaves in the dark as I sleep.
“Are you leaving?”
“Yes.”
“But you came back three days ago.”
“True.”
“Sho…let me come with you.”
“No.”
I breathe deeply, beyond frustration. His authoritative and closed look hurts me badly.
“Why?”
“It’s too dangerous. I have a lot of enemies and I can’t risk your life. Here, you’re safe.”
“Safe, but what for? I’m not weak, when I was journalist I took risks and I did things on my own.” Using past time to talk about my job is harsh. But it’s true, I was a journalist. So what am I now?
“Kazunari.” He puts his suitcase on the floor and cups my face to force me to meet his gaze. “It’s stronger than me. If something would happen to you, I won’t overcome it. You have to believe me. I won’t take the risk, it’s non-negotiable.”
He releases his grip on me and resumes his task, closing the suitcase and leaving the bedroom.
“Maybe I won’t be here when you’ll come back.” It’s barely a murmur but he freezes.
“You knew it, Kazunari when you came to me. I didn’t look after you, I pushed you away but you insisted.”
“I know, but I couldn’t imagine you would ask of me to stay enclosed between the four walls of this house.”
“I’m not a changeable man.”
“Perhaps am I.”
“We’ll talk about it when I get back.”
He goes away without a second look and I fall on an armchair, my heart full of anger and frustration.
If, at least, he told me he loved me; that he cared about me, I would gladly accept to follow his orders. But perhaps has he another lover in another part of the world, perhaps a family, I can’t be sure of anything about him…
Aiba tries to amuse me, he’s obviously missioned to change my mind, as if I was a kid he offered a toy to let him forget his whim.
But it becomes obsessional. I know all I promised, I know he doesn’t want me to know him, but this is the only way for me to not hate him eventually. So I dig. I wait Aiba’s departure to explore the house. I find nothing at all, no personal souvenir except his loving pieces of art.
I guess he uses his study to hide some stuff and I manage to break the lock to look at the room.
Some bills with different names, hotel receipt, some passports with alias I already know.
And under an unbalanced stack, I find a file which terrifies me.
There are pictures of children, names, first names, birth places and dates, and some identity sheet waiting for an official seal. They are all dirty and unhealthy and on a picture, the sign of an orphanage of Puerto Rico.
On the passports, they have English names and residences in North America or Canada. What the Hell is he doing? Go on…I already know, even if I can’t admit I was so wrong.
I swallow the disgust I suddenly feel and close the file, the sensation of those children’s look still on me. ‘Not every bit of truth is fit to be told’ He was right. I can’t love such a man, in spite of all the childish promises I made to him. Who could love such a man? I’m ill. I have to warn the cops. They have to arrest him, to save the children…
“I asked you to trust me, Kazunari.”
My heart suddenly stops when I hear his voice behind me. He doesn’t sound to be surprised.
“What did you do to those children?”
“It’s none of your business.”
“You…You’re a monster.”
“You knew it.”
“Explain to me! You can tell me, I’ll listen.”
“I have nothing to tell.”
“You’re sick, you have to be stopped.”
“I can’t let you do this, Kazunari.”
“Let me go.”
“You know I can’t.”
He’s so quiet and it terrifies me more than all the threats he could utter. He approaches me and I grip the silver paper-knife on the desk and put it in front of my chest, ready to use it. I have to escape, to save the children.
“You’re gonna hurt yourself, put the knife on the desk.”
“I’ll use it, I swear to you.”
“So…go on.”
He faces me, his stomach on the knife and he looks at me straightforwardly. He’s not afraid. I feel the blade penetrating his clothes and some drops of blood soiling the shirt as he weight with strength on me. He’s totally crazy, only a lunatic doesn’t fear death.
“Stop it already! I’m gonna kill you.”
He smiles and moves forward, impaling himself on the blade. I release the grip and the paper-knife is deep-set in his sternum. He puts his hand on the desk and takes off the weapon, letting the blood flowing freely from the wound. He flinches and I catch him, sitting him on a chair, suddenly mad of angst. I killed him, I killed the man I love, that’s all I have in mind. I push strongly on the wound to stop the blood but he doesn’t help me, smiling peacefully.
“Don’t die! You have to stay alive!”
“Leave me alone and go search Aiba. He knows what to do.”
I nod and run as fast as I can, terrified to find him dead at my return. I forget everything, all those children’s faces, all those questions to focus on the terror to lose the only man I ever fell in love with.
The butler isn’t far, thanks God, and I only grip his sleeve to drag him behind.
I rush to the study, glad to see Sho still alive on the chair. I kneel by his side and once again put my hands on the wound to stop the blood. After a few seconds, I figure out that Aiba is leaned back at the door, his arms firmly crossed on his chest.
“Quick! I…I stabbed him, help him!”
“Masaki…” whispers Sho with a grin “Could you give me a glass of water, please?”
A glass of water? What the~
“Actually, I wonder if I should wait…”
“Please, it hurts like Hell and my mouth is dry.”
“A doctor, quick! He’s gonna die!” I leave Sho and shake the butler who’s smiling idiotically.
But behind me, Sho is chuckling.
“Don’t worry. I’m not going to die. If it was so easy to kill me, I’d be dead since a long time.”
He takes off his hands from his stomach and it’s clean, as if nothing happened. I feel a brick falling in my belly and a sudden angst overwhelming me. What happens? Am I crazy? Why isn’t he dead, I saw him bleeding, I saw the knife in his stomach…
My head is dizzy, the world disappears around me and when I open my eyes, I’m in bed, Sho and Aiba next to me.
I detail them anxiously, the memory of the scene perfectly clear in my mind.
The butler sits on the bed and hands me a picture. I take it, my hands shaking and I see Sho carrying a little baby. It’s an old picture, a sun-bleached polaroid and I need a few seconds to realize it’s an aberration.
Aiba points the little boy.
“That’s me. Me and Sho-chan.”
Sho faces the window, his hands intertwined behind his back.
“I was born in 1983 in a slum of Taiwan. They found me in a fisher net when I was 2 months old. Sho found me and saved me, raising me like a son.”
“I…how?”
It was more than 25 years ago…I don’t get it.
The butler looks at Sho and remains silent. This latter turns back and sits near the fireplace. I can only perceive his profile but he lost his self-confidence. I don’t know who’s the man facing me, but he’s not the one I stabbed early and not the one I’m living with since months.
This is the man I came cross the first night at the Casino. This man with a so deep and sad look.
“My name is Sho Sakurai and I was born in Hokkaido in 1534. I was the son of the Domiyai from the province and I’ve been raised as a samurai in order to be head of the clan. At 17, I was married to the daughter of the rival clan to end a ten years war and surprisingly, I fell deeply in love with her. She was pregnant when I first joined Nobunaga, one of the three pacificators of Japan. I went to war for him gladly, fighting the Saito clan who were masters of the country at that time. I went on my way back when I fell in an ambush and died, my only regret was that I never had the chance to meet my son. At least, that’s what I thought.
I woke up on an altar, wearing the white kimono, my face covered by a veil. I saw my Kiko, crying me, my clan and my family astonished to see me alive, since they cried my death since three days. They said it was a miracle at first but quickly some rumours of evilness began to run about me. They said my heart stopped beating, that a spear was in my throat. I laughed of it, until I figured out my wife believed it. She was the first to call me monster, to force me to face the truth. Thanks to my actions on the battlefield I was banned and declared dead. I wasn’t fated to be killed by the executioner but the only solution it left for me was the seppuku.
I reached the wood at the end of the town and I deep-set my katana from my lower belly to my sternum looking at the wound as it closed progressively. Each day, during a week, I did it again, suffering thousands death because I couldn’t avenge my honour. I hid myself, unable to leave the province where the woman I loved and my son lived. Then I heard she married someone else and she gave his name to my child. So I left Hokkaido and I wandered. During a long time, several centuries. I visited the entire world, turning my back to my family, to my beloved wife and my son, everything which was now forbidden to me.
I left my country, swearing I won’t ever come back. I tried to end my agony in any possible way, but never made it. I fought during a lot of wars, I searched for people of my kind; in vain. The time didn’t mark me. I’m the only one of my kind, Kazunari, an aberration, a monster. I’m immortal.”
My heart beats so fast now. I know he’s speaking the truth even if it’s impossible, but it explains a lot. Aiba exited the room without notice and I’m all alone with him. He doesn’t talk, doesn’t look at me, probably waiting the moment I’ll run away. But I don’t even think about it, I simply die to reassure him, then I remember why I’m in this bed.
“The children, Sho?”
“What do you think it is?”
“I don’t know anymore. How could I know after what I heard?”
“They are kids living on the streets, raised to be donors. They are sold for a good price when they grow up. I steal them, make them pass the frontier and entrust them to an association I created.”
I wonder how I could imagine I fell in love with a man who could use children and hurt them. I want to believe I would have felt this, that the loneliness and ignorance blurred my judgement. I think over it as fast as I can, feeling I try to find a logic in this fairy tale story. It useless, there is no logic in the link between us. Why does he care about me, this man who wanders on Earth since 500 years? But, maybe is he used to take a lover from time to time, here or there…
“So why?”
“Why what?”
“What am I doing here?”
“You came, Kazunari.”
“I know but do you have someone?”
“Someone like what?”
“Other lovers…”
I sound like an old mistress, I hate this but I can’t help it. He turns to me and smiles sincerely.
“I told you I was several centuries old and your only fear is that you could share me?!”
“Yes.”
It’s probably idiotic enough to figure out how much I love him.
“I married a woman once. After my death I mean…a woman I met in Korea.”
“When?”
“Amusing questions when it’s about my life, isn’t it? At the 19th century. 1852 to be accurate”
“Did you have children?”
“I’m dead Kazunari. How could I be able to have a child? I’m a walking dead, I don’t get old, I’m not sick….and I can’t have children.”
“And your son?”
“He grew up and he died, like his children.”
“Sho…”
I go to him and kneel at his feet, taking him into my embrace as crazy as it seems. I cover his face with kisses, his neck and I fall on the floor when he pushes me.
“What…What are you doing, Kazunari?” His voice has never been so hoarse, so serious…So sad finally. I know what he has in mind, for the first time, he’s convinced I’d leave him. Really? I don’t know the words which could appease his melancholy and his loneliness, only gestures to make him feel what I feel. This love, illogical and devastating, beyond physical and moral frontiers.
I come back to him, once again and take his mouth, strongly, pushing him to the bed where I was laid early. He pushes me again, turn his head but I know he’s tired to struggle; he would like to believe in this love. He could kill me with bare hands if he wanted to but he won’t because he wants to be convinced.
I make him roll over and straddle him violently, tearing his shirt up, excited by his feverish look, his mouth less resistant. I kiss his neck, his collarbone, his torso, feeling under my skin his breath becoming erratic and uneasy.
I freeze a moment when my lips fall on his sternum where there’s no trace of my crime anymore. I lick it carefully and he moans erotically making me harden faster. I straighten and toss my T-shirt on the floor, unzip my pants and resume my exploration. I kiss this 20 years old body covered by scars like war trophy, I savour it, appreciative and concupiscent.
I sit on his thighs and unbuckle his belt, take off his pants, observing him under my half closed eyelids, nibbling back his mouth, darting my tongue to lick it, softly this time, according my to-and-from movements.
I rub my lower belly to his and I can’t take it, I slide along his body and take his member between my lips.
And finally, his hand caresses me, encourages me and rewards me, asking me to take him deeper, farer, probably faster but I don’t want to spare us. He tenses, groans hard and I release him, smiling when he tickles. I move on him and he straightens, already placing between my buttocks to penetrate me, but I stop him.
“Say it.”
He frowns but I kiss him hard.
“Say it.”
“I never say it. At my time…”
I impale myself on him, just a bit, to encourage him and pleasure him, tones of ‘I love you’ on the tip of my tongue.
“I love you Kazunari.”
My heart skips a bit because those words confuse me more than I can tell and he thrusts into me deeply.
He makes me roll over but stops his moves to stare at me tenderly, caressing my face and kiss me slowly.
“You’re killing me.”
“I love you.”
“Are you saying it again?”
“I think I can’t stop.”
“So keep on.”
“I love you. I lo~”
He climaxes without strength and without jolt in the sweetness of the moment. I’m ready to protest when he leaves my belly but I swallow it when his tongue licks my extremity. It’s unbearably luscious and more than enough to make me come.
He comes back to me and I try to breathe again, lost in ecstasy.
I caress his flanks, his hips and the mark on the small of his back.
“You will tell me about your scars?”
“They are due to the training for most of them. The others…I guess I wasn’t fast enough.”
“I can’t believe it.”
He straightens suddenly and nails me to the bed.
“By loving you I condemn us, are you aware of it? In the best case, I’m condemned to see you getting older and dying and you…you’re in danger because you’re the man that I love when I have so many enemies.”
“You have…”I choose my words carefully. I know I was right, if I knew he loved me, all my doubts would disappear. “You should be confident.”
“I’m not confident by nature. But maybe…”
“Maybe?”
“I can try.”
“That’s all I ask.”
Author: WendyJoly
Pairing : Guess who~
Rating: NC-17
Lenght : Chaptered
Beta : Uchiwas and penlights to
chibipinkpetalsGenre: Love, curiosity and mistery
Disclaimer: I owe nothing but Arashi owns surely my soul
Summary : When Ninomiya Kazunari crosses the path of a mysterious and rich man, buying pieces of Art like he buys groceries, he decides to solve the mystery, even if he had to draw himself the map that leads to him.
PART 3
I've never set a foot in Canada, the only image I have is bear hunting, maple syrup and the big loggers with checkered shirt…not enough to make friends.
But I’m not there with that purpose and I rapidly look for a drive for Moraine Lake after catching a touristic book.
I don’t know what I’ll find at the end of the road and I hope Aiba left some hints for me. Three days are necessary for me to reach Lake Louise, a little snowy town 15 km away from the famous lake.
My entering in the local hotel causes sensation. Japanese people are probably not so frequent here. Not sure it’s good sign for me.
It's freezing outside and it’s with a satisfied smile that I find the warmth of the fireplace – I've always been weak against the cold. Once settled and changed, I begin my investigation.
No one's ever seen him, no one knows him…I expected as much.
So, I wander in town, pretending I’m a tourist, a trekking freak who waits the occasion to try the mountains around. I have to wait one week until the snow tempest finally cease for the ability to walk towards the Lake.
Saying it’s a marvel is an understatement. A blue azure lake because of the UV reverberation on the rocks, the White Mountains and forest everywhere.
I smile when I realize he really lives here. For a Japanese from Hokkaido who never goes back home, he couldn’t find a more similar place. The climate here is rude too, the woods and the mountains are a natural rampart against the rest of the world. It’s obvious. He can’t live in town because he would be immediately spotted, but I’m now convinced the people here are protecting him on their own way. No one will lead me to his place and I look around to ask to the local guides what trekking they are proposing and find out the place they are avoiding. There are 5 official trails in the mountains. The Lake Moraine trail, the Eiffel Lake, the Wenchemna passageway, the Larch Valley and the Sentinel passageway. This latter is the most difficult according them.
I take my equipment and at dawn, I take the road.
Walking fast, I reach the first trail at 8 AM and at 12, the first passageway. That’s when I set a foot on the Larch Valley that my troubles begin. The sky is threatening and after 2 hours, I can’t see anything beyond 3 meters.
Luckily for me, I have the time to reach a little shelter and I can warm myself and eat something I brought with me. There are some cans on the shelves, but I can’t keep the fire alive if I can’t go out. If only the weather could turn in my favour…but a new day passes without any improvement and I begin to freeze, cursing my stubbornness and my carelessness. But I don’t regret leaving my daily life to chase after him, I didn’t have the choice so I can’t have any remorse. Even if it means losing my life here and now.
In a blur, I finally feel warm and a hot liquid touching my chapped lips painfully.
When I open my eyes, I’m crippled with pain, unable to decide what hurt the most. Yet, I lay down in a comfortable bed, I’m hot and I smell good. I’m even starved.
I straighten and observe the place. It’s a big bedroom where a fire burn in a fireplace with an exquisite pine-tree odour. The curtains are closed and I go out of the bed to open them. If there’s a huge terrace on the other side of the wide-window, I’m at the first or second level of a house. There’s a snowy valley beneath, with no trace of trail at all.
The light in the bedroom allows me to notice that the house is made with logs, like the swiss or Canadians chalets.
“Are you awake?”
I turn around and face the gentle face of Aiba.
“You found me?”
“I didn’t. But I can assure you that you were in bad shape.”
I look at the mirror and my face is covered by injuries due to the frost.
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Where am I?”
“You’re not in town if it’s your question.”
“Am I at his place?”
“Indeed.”
I made it? I grin and frown painfully.
“If you wish to take a shower, the bathroom is right behind you. I will lead you to him after.”
I try to do everything as fast as I can, forgetting my awful look, putting on the outfit the butler left to me. I follow him along the corridors of the enormous chalet. There is no one else but us, a most religious silence reigns everywhere and I freeze when I suddenly face an entire wall made in glass, I’m in the middle of a snow ball.
Aiba opens a door and I hear a soft music from the end of the room. It’s a library of fairy tale. Thousands of books on wooden shelves decorated by beautiful arabesque we can only touch with a step ladder.
When I turn around, Aiba has walked by me and afar, a silhouette. He’s reading something and doesn’t raise his gaze on me. I freak out suddenly. And if he acted like at London? If he ignored me and looked at me like the crazy guy I am? Who would have risk his life for a man he barely know? No one…
“He’s awake.” Aiba says to his boss.
He rises and stares at me coldly and finally goes back to the butler. He sounds to be furious.
“What do you want from me?” He says immediately.
“To see you.”
“Who could be dumb enough to go out in a storm?” He’s very angry. Against me, his butler, I don’t know.
“I guess…me.”
“Aiba, get out.”
“Sho, please.”
“I said get out!” He shouts now and when the man passes the threshold, he approaches me, his hands behind his back, scrutinizing me coldly.
“Is it your name, Sho?”
“…”
“Your real name?”
“Why are you here? Really?”
“I wanted to see you, really.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m an idiot who goes out during a storm to meet a man he fell in love after a night.”
“Bullshit.”
“It’s true!”
“You want a scoop, that’s all.”
“I won’t write anything. I swear.”
His look is like ice and he keeps on walking, I’m unable to think anymore. I smell his perfume overwhelming me and seducing me again, I die to touch him.
“Are you trying to make me believe that you crossed half of the world because you’re in love with me?”
“It’s true.”
I catch him as he passes in front of me and his gaze is not so self-assured suddenly. I caress his cheek and he closes his eyes to not see me again. But he bewitches me and I don’t think further and link our lips, feeling my heart jumping to him. I’m finally serene, I know I did the good choice, my life won’t have any sense without him. Whoever he could be.
I half open my mouth and cup his face, nibble his lip, already glad that he doesn’t push me away like I thought he did.
“Why can’t you resume your life and forget me? You won’t have any financial problems anymore, you and the people you cherish.”
“I can’t live without you.”
He moves back and before leaving me the chance to react, he grabs a katana on the wall and throws me on the floor, putting the blade on my throat.
“So perhaps should I kill you right now to avoid a long agony for the both of us?”
What did he live to be so afraid to be loved?
“So kill me, but I won’t forget you. I will chase you again and again.”
I feel his grip loosens and he takes off the katana, without real relief. I still don’t know what I won if I stay alive.
“If you live by my side, you will have to leave everything.” He murmurs huskily. “You won’t see your family, your friends, I won’t let you meet strangers.”
“I agree.”
I answer immediately and I smirk.
“Kazunari, you have to promise me to never ask any question about me. I’m a monster and~”
I don’t let him achieve his sentence and I take his mouth avidly, finally feeling life running through my veins when he lays me down and tears off my clothes to bare me. I thrill deliciously as he kisses me madly, chuckling against his neck to feel him so hastened.
But this time, I undress him hastily, excited to feel his skin on mine. His hands erase the aches of my body, activate the blood in my system and warm my heart. I abandon myself to him, eager to feel him inside me, craving for him so desperately. We shout at unison when he finally penetrate me slowly, going forth and going back immediately stronger. He smiles to me, tensed above me, detailing me amorously, glancing at our two lower bellies united, my member proudly erected.
I can’t get enough to look at him when he makes love to me. He’s muscular, tensed, so mannish and virile that he leaves me breathless. So male and virile that I have nothing to fear with him, he will protect me whatever it could happen. I smile idiotically, I never imagined I needed someone before and certainly not to be protected. I’m strong and weak with him, shy and ready to do anything for him to be mine.
He pecks my jaws and my ear, sucking the tender skin of my neck as he pounds in me fiercely, making me moan and scream when I climax.
We’re staring at each other for a few minutes and I roll over to straddle him, weighing on him making him laugh out loud. I kiss him eagerly, tying his wrists up above his head, discovering new scars. I lick them lovingly and the hand I released caresses gently my hair.
I kiss his lips tenderly, unable to believe the chance I have.
“I love you.”
“Sakurai. Sakurai Sho. This is my real name.”
I lay down by his side and observe him, stroking his stomach with the back of my hand.
“I love you Sho.”
When I wake up for the second time in the chalet, I’m in the same bed and all alone once again. He made love to me all night long, like this time at Monte Negro and he dragged me into this room to put me into bed. I fell asleep first, naively thinking he would be by my side when I’ll wake up.
I run into Aiba at the kitchen who tells me he left for a business trip, during a few days, I have to wait for him patiently here. At first I’m frustrated but I figure out, astonished, that I’m glad to be the plaything of his whim.
During those days, I wander inside the house, visiting the numerous rooms, happy to live in such a wonderful place. I don’t wonder what my life will be from now, since I chose to limit it to his universe and his desires.
He comes back home unannounced and doesn’t even take the time to greet his butler. He grabs my wrist and drags me to my bedroom to make love to me fiercely against the wall. The desire he has for me drives me crazy and once again shuts the voice which whispers to my ear that I’m only a sex toy for him, only here to satisfy his sexual needs.
“Where were you?” I dare to ask the question as, full of sex, we’re lying against each other.
“Brussels.”
“What did you do out there?”
“I intended to a convention.”
“About Europe?” The question sounds to be legitimate. In my mind, Brussels and Europe are linked but seeing his look, he doesn’t agree with me.
“You promised, Kazunari.” To not ask any questions, I know. I simply never thought that this kind of mere question would be forbidden too.
I look away and he goes out of the bed suddenly. It’s a punishment for having breaking the first rule he imposed me. I bite my lip, frustrated, angry with myself, because I irritated him after 2 hours only.
I find him in his study where he’s reading a stack of letters, probably let by Aiba during his absence.
“Excuse me. I know I promised. I’m a journalist and it’s like a second nature to ask questions.”
He raises his gaze on me and the tenderness takes the place of the anger. He comes to me and caresses my cheek softly.
“It’s for your own good. I don’t want to give you an answer unbearable to hear. Do you understand?”
“I can hear everything from you. You could be a yakuza or an international thief…if you let me love you, I can hear everything.”
He smiles and kisses me chastely to erase the pain he inflected to me by leaving early. But he doesn’t answer, shutting my interrogations by a new kiss.
We dine together near the fireplace, a delicious and luxurious meal cooked by Aiba, and after the dessert, he takes my hand to lead me to a stair. We’re climbing down until a basement hidden behind several locked doors. I can't help but whistle in admiration when we're penetrating a room like a huge museum.
“What’s this?” It’s barely a sight as I face a Klimt I never saw in any exhibition or book. Ohno would be crazy if he was here…
“My collection.”
No way. Here are some famous pieces of art of the greatest masters in the world. He keeps his eyes on me, a happy smile adorning his face and I’m totally paralyzed.
“I could spend my life here.”
He laughs and holds my hand to guide me to a white statute calling for the caress.
A nude woman hidden behind a veil is laid erotically, her arms around the neck of a winged man, ready to be kissed.
“This is the original of 'Psyché ranimée par le baiser de l'Amour' by Canova. »
« I saw it at the Louvres. »
“In Paris, this is a copy.”
“How did you~”
“Long story.”
He puts his ringed hand on the delicate ankle of Psyche, slowly slides it to its hip and I feel my belly twisted by a mad desire.
“Do you know their story?”
I shake my head, fascinated by the eroticism of the scene.
“Psyche was so beautiful that she bothered Aphrodite herself. She sent her son, Cupid, to throw an arrow into her heart but he fell in love with her at the first sight. They loved each other and he promised to her to come back to her bed each night if she didn’t try to see his face. She agreed for love but her curiosity was so strong, she used an oil lamp and realized he was Cupid. Yet, she broke her promise and she lost him.”
“Strange story. Is it for me?”
“One should enjoy what is offered. Sometimes knowledge brings only misery.”
“Not every bit of truth is fit to be told?”
“Exactly.”
I observe his sad smile as he whispers the last word, going back to his index fingers caressing so sensually the breast of the woman. It’s too much for me. I’m trapped in a love game. I’m Psyche, prisoner of ignorance if I want to keep my lover. It’s not a choice…I don’t think I’m able to love until the end of my life a perfect stranger. But I can’t leave him because it would be suicide.
I go to him and fall on my knees, unzipping his pants audaciously to seal my agreement and quench momentarily my thirst of him.
He leaves the chalet soon after, leaving Aiba behind and I know it’s because he’s afraid for me. Or he’s here to watch over me, whispers the little voice. He’s a cultivated man, secretive like his master and I don’t even try to obtain information from him. I sincerely think I managed to shut my natural curiosity and it amazes me.
Once again, he makes love to me without taking the time to undress. He craves me like I crave him and it’s enough for me to bear our frequent separations.
Months are passing by and I have the feeling to be a man in an Ohoku, waiting for the Emperor’s return, laid down on a bed. He satisfies me in any possible way, even if I ignore so many things about him.
Yet, accepting to stay between the four walls of our house is harder and harder to accept.
One morning, I wake up to find him packing up. This time, I am on time to catch him actually preparing to leave, not like before – as if he leaves in the dark as I sleep.
“Are you leaving?”
“Yes.”
“But you came back three days ago.”
“True.”
“Sho…let me come with you.”
“No.”
I breathe deeply, beyond frustration. His authoritative and closed look hurts me badly.
“Why?”
“It’s too dangerous. I have a lot of enemies and I can’t risk your life. Here, you’re safe.”
“Safe, but what for? I’m not weak, when I was journalist I took risks and I did things on my own.” Using past time to talk about my job is harsh. But it’s true, I was a journalist. So what am I now?
“Kazunari.” He puts his suitcase on the floor and cups my face to force me to meet his gaze. “It’s stronger than me. If something would happen to you, I won’t overcome it. You have to believe me. I won’t take the risk, it’s non-negotiable.”
He releases his grip on me and resumes his task, closing the suitcase and leaving the bedroom.
“Maybe I won’t be here when you’ll come back.” It’s barely a murmur but he freezes.
“You knew it, Kazunari when you came to me. I didn’t look after you, I pushed you away but you insisted.”
“I know, but I couldn’t imagine you would ask of me to stay enclosed between the four walls of this house.”
“I’m not a changeable man.”
“Perhaps am I.”
“We’ll talk about it when I get back.”
He goes away without a second look and I fall on an armchair, my heart full of anger and frustration.
If, at least, he told me he loved me; that he cared about me, I would gladly accept to follow his orders. But perhaps has he another lover in another part of the world, perhaps a family, I can’t be sure of anything about him…
Aiba tries to amuse me, he’s obviously missioned to change my mind, as if I was a kid he offered a toy to let him forget his whim.
But it becomes obsessional. I know all I promised, I know he doesn’t want me to know him, but this is the only way for me to not hate him eventually. So I dig. I wait Aiba’s departure to explore the house. I find nothing at all, no personal souvenir except his loving pieces of art.
I guess he uses his study to hide some stuff and I manage to break the lock to look at the room.
Some bills with different names, hotel receipt, some passports with alias I already know.
And under an unbalanced stack, I find a file which terrifies me.
There are pictures of children, names, first names, birth places and dates, and some identity sheet waiting for an official seal. They are all dirty and unhealthy and on a picture, the sign of an orphanage of Puerto Rico.
On the passports, they have English names and residences in North America or Canada. What the Hell is he doing? Go on…I already know, even if I can’t admit I was so wrong.
I swallow the disgust I suddenly feel and close the file, the sensation of those children’s look still on me. ‘Not every bit of truth is fit to be told’ He was right. I can’t love such a man, in spite of all the childish promises I made to him. Who could love such a man? I’m ill. I have to warn the cops. They have to arrest him, to save the children…
“I asked you to trust me, Kazunari.”
My heart suddenly stops when I hear his voice behind me. He doesn’t sound to be surprised.
“What did you do to those children?”
“It’s none of your business.”
“You…You’re a monster.”
“You knew it.”
“Explain to me! You can tell me, I’ll listen.”
“I have nothing to tell.”
“You’re sick, you have to be stopped.”
“I can’t let you do this, Kazunari.”
“Let me go.”
“You know I can’t.”
He’s so quiet and it terrifies me more than all the threats he could utter. He approaches me and I grip the silver paper-knife on the desk and put it in front of my chest, ready to use it. I have to escape, to save the children.
“You’re gonna hurt yourself, put the knife on the desk.”
“I’ll use it, I swear to you.”
“So…go on.”
He faces me, his stomach on the knife and he looks at me straightforwardly. He’s not afraid. I feel the blade penetrating his clothes and some drops of blood soiling the shirt as he weight with strength on me. He’s totally crazy, only a lunatic doesn’t fear death.
“Stop it already! I’m gonna kill you.”
He smiles and moves forward, impaling himself on the blade. I release the grip and the paper-knife is deep-set in his sternum. He puts his hand on the desk and takes off the weapon, letting the blood flowing freely from the wound. He flinches and I catch him, sitting him on a chair, suddenly mad of angst. I killed him, I killed the man I love, that’s all I have in mind. I push strongly on the wound to stop the blood but he doesn’t help me, smiling peacefully.
“Don’t die! You have to stay alive!”
“Leave me alone and go search Aiba. He knows what to do.”
I nod and run as fast as I can, terrified to find him dead at my return. I forget everything, all those children’s faces, all those questions to focus on the terror to lose the only man I ever fell in love with.
The butler isn’t far, thanks God, and I only grip his sleeve to drag him behind.
I rush to the study, glad to see Sho still alive on the chair. I kneel by his side and once again put my hands on the wound to stop the blood. After a few seconds, I figure out that Aiba is leaned back at the door, his arms firmly crossed on his chest.
“Quick! I…I stabbed him, help him!”
“Masaki…” whispers Sho with a grin “Could you give me a glass of water, please?”
A glass of water? What the~
“Actually, I wonder if I should wait…”
“Please, it hurts like Hell and my mouth is dry.”
“A doctor, quick! He’s gonna die!” I leave Sho and shake the butler who’s smiling idiotically.
But behind me, Sho is chuckling.
“Don’t worry. I’m not going to die. If it was so easy to kill me, I’d be dead since a long time.”
He takes off his hands from his stomach and it’s clean, as if nothing happened. I feel a brick falling in my belly and a sudden angst overwhelming me. What happens? Am I crazy? Why isn’t he dead, I saw him bleeding, I saw the knife in his stomach…
My head is dizzy, the world disappears around me and when I open my eyes, I’m in bed, Sho and Aiba next to me.
I detail them anxiously, the memory of the scene perfectly clear in my mind.
The butler sits on the bed and hands me a picture. I take it, my hands shaking and I see Sho carrying a little baby. It’s an old picture, a sun-bleached polaroid and I need a few seconds to realize it’s an aberration.
Aiba points the little boy.
“That’s me. Me and Sho-chan.”
Sho faces the window, his hands intertwined behind his back.
“I was born in 1983 in a slum of Taiwan. They found me in a fisher net when I was 2 months old. Sho found me and saved me, raising me like a son.”
“I…how?”
It was more than 25 years ago…I don’t get it.
The butler looks at Sho and remains silent. This latter turns back and sits near the fireplace. I can only perceive his profile but he lost his self-confidence. I don’t know who’s the man facing me, but he’s not the one I stabbed early and not the one I’m living with since months.
This is the man I came cross the first night at the Casino. This man with a so deep and sad look.
“My name is Sho Sakurai and I was born in Hokkaido in 1534. I was the son of the Domiyai from the province and I’ve been raised as a samurai in order to be head of the clan. At 17, I was married to the daughter of the rival clan to end a ten years war and surprisingly, I fell deeply in love with her. She was pregnant when I first joined Nobunaga, one of the three pacificators of Japan. I went to war for him gladly, fighting the Saito clan who were masters of the country at that time. I went on my way back when I fell in an ambush and died, my only regret was that I never had the chance to meet my son. At least, that’s what I thought.
I woke up on an altar, wearing the white kimono, my face covered by a veil. I saw my Kiko, crying me, my clan and my family astonished to see me alive, since they cried my death since three days. They said it was a miracle at first but quickly some rumours of evilness began to run about me. They said my heart stopped beating, that a spear was in my throat. I laughed of it, until I figured out my wife believed it. She was the first to call me monster, to force me to face the truth. Thanks to my actions on the battlefield I was banned and declared dead. I wasn’t fated to be killed by the executioner but the only solution it left for me was the seppuku.
I reached the wood at the end of the town and I deep-set my katana from my lower belly to my sternum looking at the wound as it closed progressively. Each day, during a week, I did it again, suffering thousands death because I couldn’t avenge my honour. I hid myself, unable to leave the province where the woman I loved and my son lived. Then I heard she married someone else and she gave his name to my child. So I left Hokkaido and I wandered. During a long time, several centuries. I visited the entire world, turning my back to my family, to my beloved wife and my son, everything which was now forbidden to me.
I left my country, swearing I won’t ever come back. I tried to end my agony in any possible way, but never made it. I fought during a lot of wars, I searched for people of my kind; in vain. The time didn’t mark me. I’m the only one of my kind, Kazunari, an aberration, a monster. I’m immortal.”
My heart beats so fast now. I know he’s speaking the truth even if it’s impossible, but it explains a lot. Aiba exited the room without notice and I’m all alone with him. He doesn’t talk, doesn’t look at me, probably waiting the moment I’ll run away. But I don’t even think about it, I simply die to reassure him, then I remember why I’m in this bed.
“The children, Sho?”
“What do you think it is?”
“I don’t know anymore. How could I know after what I heard?”
“They are kids living on the streets, raised to be donors. They are sold for a good price when they grow up. I steal them, make them pass the frontier and entrust them to an association I created.”
I wonder how I could imagine I fell in love with a man who could use children and hurt them. I want to believe I would have felt this, that the loneliness and ignorance blurred my judgement. I think over it as fast as I can, feeling I try to find a logic in this fairy tale story. It useless, there is no logic in the link between us. Why does he care about me, this man who wanders on Earth since 500 years? But, maybe is he used to take a lover from time to time, here or there…
“So why?”
“Why what?”
“What am I doing here?”
“You came, Kazunari.”
“I know but do you have someone?”
“Someone like what?”
“Other lovers…”
I sound like an old mistress, I hate this but I can’t help it. He turns to me and smiles sincerely.
“I told you I was several centuries old and your only fear is that you could share me?!”
“Yes.”
It’s probably idiotic enough to figure out how much I love him.
“I married a woman once. After my death I mean…a woman I met in Korea.”
“When?”
“Amusing questions when it’s about my life, isn’t it? At the 19th century. 1852 to be accurate”
“Did you have children?”
“I’m dead Kazunari. How could I be able to have a child? I’m a walking dead, I don’t get old, I’m not sick….and I can’t have children.”
“And your son?”
“He grew up and he died, like his children.”
“Sho…”
I go to him and kneel at his feet, taking him into my embrace as crazy as it seems. I cover his face with kisses, his neck and I fall on the floor when he pushes me.
“What…What are you doing, Kazunari?” His voice has never been so hoarse, so serious…So sad finally. I know what he has in mind, for the first time, he’s convinced I’d leave him. Really? I don’t know the words which could appease his melancholy and his loneliness, only gestures to make him feel what I feel. This love, illogical and devastating, beyond physical and moral frontiers.
I come back to him, once again and take his mouth, strongly, pushing him to the bed where I was laid early. He pushes me again, turn his head but I know he’s tired to struggle; he would like to believe in this love. He could kill me with bare hands if he wanted to but he won’t because he wants to be convinced.
I make him roll over and straddle him violently, tearing his shirt up, excited by his feverish look, his mouth less resistant. I kiss his neck, his collarbone, his torso, feeling under my skin his breath becoming erratic and uneasy.
I freeze a moment when my lips fall on his sternum where there’s no trace of my crime anymore. I lick it carefully and he moans erotically making me harden faster. I straighten and toss my T-shirt on the floor, unzip my pants and resume my exploration. I kiss this 20 years old body covered by scars like war trophy, I savour it, appreciative and concupiscent.
I sit on his thighs and unbuckle his belt, take off his pants, observing him under my half closed eyelids, nibbling back his mouth, darting my tongue to lick it, softly this time, according my to-and-from movements.
I rub my lower belly to his and I can’t take it, I slide along his body and take his member between my lips.
And finally, his hand caresses me, encourages me and rewards me, asking me to take him deeper, farer, probably faster but I don’t want to spare us. He tenses, groans hard and I release him, smiling when he tickles. I move on him and he straightens, already placing between my buttocks to penetrate me, but I stop him.
“Say it.”
He frowns but I kiss him hard.
“Say it.”
“I never say it. At my time…”
I impale myself on him, just a bit, to encourage him and pleasure him, tones of ‘I love you’ on the tip of my tongue.
“I love you Kazunari.”
My heart skips a bit because those words confuse me more than I can tell and he thrusts into me deeply.
He makes me roll over but stops his moves to stare at me tenderly, caressing my face and kiss me slowly.
“You’re killing me.”
“I love you.”
“Are you saying it again?”
“I think I can’t stop.”
“So keep on.”
“I love you. I lo~”
He climaxes without strength and without jolt in the sweetness of the moment. I’m ready to protest when he leaves my belly but I swallow it when his tongue licks my extremity. It’s unbearably luscious and more than enough to make me come.
He comes back to me and I try to breathe again, lost in ecstasy.
I caress his flanks, his hips and the mark on the small of his back.
“You will tell me about your scars?”
“They are due to the training for most of them. The others…I guess I wasn’t fast enough.”
“I can’t believe it.”
He straightens suddenly and nails me to the bed.
“By loving you I condemn us, are you aware of it? In the best case, I’m condemned to see you getting older and dying and you…you’re in danger because you’re the man that I love when I have so many enemies.”
“You have…”I choose my words carefully. I know I was right, if I knew he loved me, all my doubts would disappear. “You should be confident.”
“I’m not confident by nature. But maybe…”
“Maybe?”
“I can try.”
“That’s all I ask.”
