The Dance of Intimacy (5/6)
Jul. 25th, 2014 04:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wendyjolyTitle: The Dance of Intimacy
Author: WendyJoly
Pairing : Guess who~
Rating: NC-17
Lenght : Chaptered
Beta and title: Hug and cuddle to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
chibipinkpetals
Genre: Kimono, Initiation and Love
Disclaimer: I owe nothing but Arashi owns surely my soul
Summary : Ninomiya Kazunari is an employee of a kabuki theatre, serving Aiba Masaki, an onnagata looking for the patronage of a protector. But when the Master of the Emperor’s Ohoku finally shows up, his choice is pretty surprising…
PART V
“Are you a total lunatic?!”
I sit up quickly and shake Aiba to wake him up.
“The Emperor is so angry with you now. How can you be silly enough to sleep with a man in his Palace?! Did you ever listen to me? He was furious at me!!”
I kneel on my bed and apologize deeply, realizing what I’ve done, afraid for Masaki. When we were in the brothel I was beaten for his mistakes, now the roles are exchanged will he be beaten for my craziness?
“You’ll be in his bed tonight. Come, I need to prepare you.”
We’re tense all day long, fearing a punishment which never comes. Masaki apologizes again and again, saying we’re not kids anymore, that we should have been smarter, less emotional.
He bathes me, dresses my hair and by the beginning of the night, Matsumoto-san hands me a yellow light kimono, saying it’s the best match for my carnation.
“Do you have a last advice, Matsumoto-san?”
He’s drawing a red line on my eyelids, his face so close to mine I can feel his perfumed breathe. My heart clenches suddenly at the memory of the first time he took care of me. I owe him so much. He puts his brush back on the table and takes my hand.
“Forget all the lessons I gave you.”
“What?”
“You learned well until now, you did your best. Now love him, make love to him, that’s all it matters.”
“I can’t…”
“You will. It’s your duty. You remember what I said about him?”
“He’s a very lonely man?”
“Exactly. You will be the apple of his eyes, the man he deserved to meet. Now go!”
I nod and dare to take Matsumoto-san in my arms to find some courage. He chuckles awkwardly and after a last bow at me, leads me to a new part of the Palace, a small candle lighting our way.
“Lay down.”
“Now?”
“Do it.”
This bedroom is larger than my entire room. In the middle of the room, a high bed surrounded by see-through draperies.
I lay down on the white bed and Matsumoto-san closes the curtains around me, then I watch the candle disappearing, leaving me in a dark room. I’m trembling, hoping I’ll be able to make love to a perfect stranger. I will close my eyes, and imagine Sho-san, like I always did when I was at Matsumoto-san’s place, alone, dreaming about him. And if he was fat, stinky…I don’t want to think about it now. I rather focus on my memories, the one I share with him.
I close my eyes and raise my legs, putting my hands on my stomach to breathe in and out quietly. Yet, when I feel the bed moving beside me, I can’t keep a gasp for myself.
I can’t see him but I guess his silhouette pretty well. He’s wearing a light-coloured kimono like me, and he’s not fat or stinky, on contrary. My heart beats fast when I recognize him.
“Sho-san…?”
“What did you do last night?” He’s so angry with me. I can’t believe I’ve been idiotic enough to disappoint him.
“My friend slept by my side.”
“In your bed?”
“In my bed. I’m so sorry. I was so sad, I didn’t reflect.”
“Did you do something with him?”
“Besides sleeping?”
“Besides sleeping.”
“No…nothing.”
He clenched his jaws but he seems to be less tensed, I would like to sit to apologize properly but he didn’t say I could.
“Why were you sad? Answer.”
“I…I wanted to see you last night so I sneaked into the palace, I’m so sorry.”
“And?”
“I heard someone saying you were preparing your wedding.”
“Ohno feared something like that and he came to me to warn me. And when I went into your room…”
I can’t answer without crying, so I keep my mouth shut. He puts his hands on each side of my head and bends slowly on me, kissing my lips gently. I forget everything. His marriage, the reason why I’m here, the Emperor…
“The Emperor!” I try to sit but he pushes me back on the bed, taking of his kimono quickly.
“You really ignore who I am?”
“The master of the Ohoku?”
He nods negatively and kisses my chin. I close my eyes and as he’s undressing me, I’m struck by lightning.
“You are the Emperor.”
I can't believe I’ve been blind enough, or dumb, or in love that I didn’t figure out before. Now everything seems so obvious…
“You…lied to me?!”
I search his eyes, staring at his serious face and he stops his ministrations. He moves back and sits on the bed, his back against the wall.
“I didn’t intend on lying to you. I thought you knew, and after this night when you said you’d wish I’d be the Emperor…I was so happy. For the very first time in my life someone loved me for myself, not for my status. I’ve been selfish and I hid it from you. I’m sorry, Kazunari.”
I can’t tell if I’m angry, I’ve never really been angry with anyone. And him…I’m too deeply in love with him to feel something else than sadness. Sadness because I never really understood him until now, I never perceived his loneliness and his need to be loved.
I straighten up and without hesitation take him into my embrace, holding him tight to make him forget his solitude.
“You’ll never be alone anymore.”
I peck his neck, try to warm his cold skin, doing my best to convey my feelings. He puts his arms around my waist and I straddle his thighs, searching for a contact I missed so much. Through my opened kimono I feel his naked skin against mine, the way his hands on me are more insistent, stronger. I raise my gaze on him and he kisses me sweetly, lowering hastily the light material I’m wearing to caress my shoulders. I moan despite of myself, unable to hide the pleasure I feel when between my thighs I sense his hardness.
“Are you ready to receive me? I can’t wait to be in you.”
“So take me.”
I caress his length slowly, guiding it to my hole, but the excitement makes my hand shake. So I open my legs wide and slowly, inch by inch, take him inside me. But he’s big and I underestimated the pain due to the lack of preparation. I gasp and stop my movements, grabbing his shoulders hard to find a support.
“You can make it…” He whispers to my ears, caressing my body teasingly, wrapping his hand on my cock to pleasure me. God it feels so good! His other hand is now on my hips and softly helps me to sit on his thighs, his shaft soon deeply and totally in me. We're groaning in unison, finally united, finally making one.
I smile and cup his face, kiss his lips as I begin to move my hips back and forth. It’s so wonderful to hear his moans, to feel him growing inside my stomach, to be the master of our pleasure. I make love to him with all my might, all the tenderness he taught me, without an ounce of sadness at the thought to belong to another man, for the very first time. I’m totally his and he’s totally mine. Joyfully, happily, frenetically.
He comes and goes on my member, adjusting his rhythm to my movements but soon, I can’t breathe, my body is trembling, my heart ready to jump out of my ribcage. I nibble at his ear, breathing erratically and he moans in return.
“Sho, I’m gonna cum and you?”
He doesn’t answer but his hands grab my hips almost painfully and I can’t move, he releases deeply in me and I can’t resist anymore. I watch my seed soiling his pale skin and I fall on his chest, trying to calm the erratic beatings of my heart. He brushes my hair, the back of my head gently. I don’t know how much time passes by but suddenly he puts his chin on the top of my head and sighs profoundly.
“Marry me Kazunari, be my spouse.”
=+=
“Ma, ma, ma…this night sounds to have been great.”
I hide my face in my arms to keep a satisfied smile for me but Matsumoto-san pulls the blanket to drag me out of the futon.
I sit and he grabs my chin to detail me.
“He left you hickeys, it’s good. He marked you as his.”
“It’s not…I mean, it wasn’t on purpose rather…he was very passionate.”
“Of course it was on purpose. He’s the Emperor and a very intelligent man; he doesn’t do anything without good reasons.”
“So, I’m happy. I want to be his.”
“He summoned me today, do you know why?”
I hide the blush on my cheeks by averting my gaze, unable to confess what happened between us last night. He proposed me marriage but I can’t believe it, once again, I rather think it was just a post-orgasmic overreaction, it sounds more realistic. Me? Emperor’s spouse? As if.
“Swear to me you didn’t do anything inappropriate.”
“I swear.”
“I’ll know anyway since I’ll be in his study in less than one hour.”
“I see.”
“Why are you so quiet today? After the GREAT revelation! So, he’s the Emperor after all?”
“I’m happy to be in love with the man who chose me but I can’t help to be sad somehow. You said the Emperor was a very lonely man, who struggled every day.”
“You’ll be his ally. He’s not alone anymore. Plus he has Ohno and me…I’m pretty sure Aiba will follow him too.”
I smile when he mentions my friend and I’m not so surprised when he enters the bedroom. He carries a package and hands it to me.
“What’s this?”
“A servant gave it to me for you.”
I unpack it under Matsumoto-san’s gaze and once again it’s a wooden box. Smaller than before but I’m reluctant to open it in front of Masaki who’s still untouched. What will he think about me?!
“What are you waiting for, open it!” command Matsumoto-san.
I do what I’m told and I exhale noisily. It’s a jewel, a wonderful ruby brooch made with several little gemstones in tear shape. I never saw such a marvel…I never dreamt to see such a marvel. Matsumoto-san sits unceremoniously by my side and his face is suddenly dead blank.
“Nino, what happened last night?!”
“I…I don’t know! Why? What’s this jewel?”
“It’s a gift made by the Emperor to the person he chose to marry. This is the fiancé’s jewel.”
“What?”
I let loose the box precipitously but Matsumoto grabs it and scolds me badly for my silliness.
“Well…I guess I know why he asked for me now. I never thought it would be so quick…”
I can’t move, I’m totally paralyzed now that I realize he was serious about this wedding last night, like that time when he chose me rather than Masaki, I can’t believe it. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, says my mind endlessly.
Matsumoto-san frowns and walks around the room, his hands firmly on his hips, mumbling unintelligible sentences for himself.
“Hey, hey, look at me, Nino.”
I raise my gaze on Masaki and I figure out he holds my two hands.
“It’s wonderful! You will marry the man you love.”
He caresses my cheek and I can’t help but smiling.
“He’s right.” Cuts Matsumoto, who sits at his turn. “That’s all it matters. He chose you because you can love the man before the Emperor. Surely for some other reasons too, because I trained you very well perhaps…” He’s smiling for himself now and I open my eyes wider. How is he able to be so self-satisfied in such a moment? “Well, anyway, Masaki is right, rejoice and I handle the rest.”
He vanishes soon after and as I’m dressing, I’m officially called by my fiancé. I’m afraid to find him with his counsellors but he’s all alone in his study, sat at a splendid low table, surrounded by tons of paper’s roll. He comes to me and kisses me, grabbing my hand to attract me to the table.
“You're wearing it. I’m happy you accepted. Jun-kun told you what it means?”
I nod shyly and he laughs out loud. He sounds to be glad, it’s true, and my heart yells in content.
“I saw him early and I asked him to stay with us at the Palace. I want to entrust you to him, he will teach you your new role during the next weeks. I announced him the Ohoku’s dissolution too.”
“You…why?”
“Why? Because I’ll be married. Though…my predecessors were too but they weren’t married to someone they loved.”
“But your counselors~”
“They are furious since some of them planned to find a favourite to weight on my decisions. It is a way to assert my authority too, don’t worry about it.”
“Sho…”
He’s in front of me, so close, I could touch him yet I miss him, it’s physically painful. He attracts me like a magnet. I would like to reduce the gap between us, to make it disappear to find back the shelter of his arms. I go to him, bypassing the table on my all fours under his amused gaze. I finally pout and peck his lips, sighing happily.
But it’s not enough to satisfy my needs, I kneel and kiss him with an open mouth, caressing his tongue with mine, feeling a resistance I never met. I move back and try to fathom his gaze.
“What? Do we have to talk again?”
“I…no. It’s just…we can’t.”
“We can’t?” I don’t get it, we’re about to be married but we can’t kiss?
“Now you’re my fiancé we have to observe a moment of reserve.”
“A moment of reserve, what does it means?”
For the very first time he sounds to be embarrassed and I freak out. I never saw him embarrassed.
“It means we can’t have sex until our wedding night.”
I’m about to protest but…what for? He’s the Emperor after all and my future husband. He doesn’t really ask my opinion anyway.
“Listen, Kazunari. I interrupted our kiss because I’m perfectly aware I can’t resist you and in a few minutes I will lay you down and take you in this very place…where I should be working. Usually, the Emperor meets his fiancé during the ceremony and ‘knows’ him during their wedding night. We skipped this part and if the counselors are already infuriated with the announce of our marriage if we can’t behave it will be worse. Let’s show them we’re aware of the engagement we’re taking.”
“Like a kind of atonement?”
“Hm…why not. We can see it like this too, I suppose. Do you agree?”
“We can't see each other?”
“Not alone, indeed. This is the last time we’re alone before the ceremony.”
“When will be the marriage?”
“I’ll do as fast as I can. Three months, perhaps two if things are going smoothly. It’s an important event, we can’t do differently.”
I think I’m going to cry. If this period of abstinence has been imposed to me before our nights of love, I should probably have taking things like I usually do, quietly and obediently. But how will I be able to live by his side and resist to the envy to touch him, to taste him, to lic~I can’t!
“And if we just…Hm…blowjob too?”
He clearly bites the inner of his cheek to prevent a smile, and nods. I was about to detail the list of the things we could do without really having ‘sex’ but I already know his answer.
“Perhaps should you go back to your room to think about it?”
Or go back to Shimabara to jump into the sink of the courtyard’s brothel? I simply bow at him and go back to my bedroom where I explain to Masaki and Matsumoto the terrible time to come.
=+=
“Did he tell you, Matsumoto-san?”
“Of course and he’s right. If he wants to give your relationship some legitimacy, you have to be irreproachable. And I will keep you busy, you will have to learn in two or three months to be an Emperor’s spouse. Usually, it’s a life time occupation.”
“I can’t be his spouse. It’s too hard, I can’t pretend to be a noble man.”
“And a few months ago you couldn’t get out of your brothel, you couldn’t write or read, recognize the subtle taste of a luxurious tea or the perfect smell of a rose. And yet, you’re here. Be confident.”
We are working all day long after this moment and when the day of my presentation to the Court is decided, I have the feeling to be in turmoil. I can’t imagine anything beyond this date, the end of the world could occurs after, I don’t care, because if I can’t pass the test, Sho will have to reject me.
Matsumoto-san trained me to be a favourite in the Emperor’s Ohoku not to be his spouse and I rapidly grasp the huge gap between the two roles. I learned to make love, to keep a man (to keep Sho-san essentially even if I wasn’t aware of it), to behave in men’s company and entertain them, now I have to face an official responsibility. Matsumoto-san isn’t my sole teacher now and I can say that I regret the days I spent in his house. I barely meet Sho and during the only moment we’re sharing, we’re surrounded by people. It’s almost worse to be so close and yet so far from him.
It’s frustrating and my long nights of loneliness begin to depress me. And the fact that Matsumoto-san and Ohno are so noisy when they are well-locked in Matsumoto’s room doesn’t help me to keep my head clear. At least one of us is happy with this situation…
“In Edo 87, the Emperor edicts the law of the legitimacy preservation and decides to create gynaecium and reserve some labour’s category to women, for example, Ninomiya-san?”
I try my best to stay focus on this History Course even if it’s my tenth hour of lesson and that my brain can’t clearly understand the slightest information. Yet, the mention of the women wakes me up; it’s a subject no one ever touches on.
“Field’s work?”
“Exactly.”
“Excuse me, may I ask you a question?”
“It’s not very usual, but yes, go on.”
“Things were not always his way? Men and women lived together?”
He’s so red and embarrassed that I can feel Matsumoto’s infuriated gaze on me. But he’s not there and I die to know, I can’t curb my curiosity.
“Please, I have to know since I’ll be the Emperor’s spouse.”
He sighs and sits less formally.
“Once women and men lived together, were married together and raised their children together.”
“And why this law suddenly?!”
“At that time a philosophical essay was written about the Nanchuko, the love between males, arguing it was the only pure love, since men had nothing to gain by loving each other. Mentalities began to gradually change and at the end, the Emperor decided to marry a man. Since then, the tradition kept on. Women are made to make children, that’s how they were created, isn’t it? They can’t love like men can do, they fit to hard toils rather than for emotional or noble work like Art or war. Thus men are choosing their husband and love each other and when they decide to raise a son, they are visiting one of the country gynaecium. Once the boy is here, they can live as family.”
He looks at me as if he just explained to a child that walking is putting a foot one after the other on the floor.
I never really think about it, since I lived with some rare women in the brothel. Some men asked for them and secretly we called them pervert, now I wonder why. I always think each of us had a predetermined place in society and that nothing could ever change…but now I live in a Palace and I’m going to marry the Emperor. And if this law was a terrible mistake? Perhaps wouldn’t I have to live in the streets when I was a kid if the law allowed women to raise their boys rather than entrust them to men? I’m gloomier than ever when I go back to my bedroom. Masaki helps me to bathe and we’re playing cards but my mind always goes back to Sho. Tomorrow is my presentation to the Court and I’m seriously afraid. I would like to talk to him, to see him. I know we can’t touch but if I could at least watch him it would be enough to reassure me.
The last time I sneaked out of my bedroom everything went wrong but this time I know the palace. Masaki accepts to help me and he walks a few steps ahead. We’re barely at the end of the corridor when I feel a grip on my shoulder. I scream and breathe out when I figure out it’s only Matsumoto-san. He doesn’t seem to be angry, he simply turns around and drags me to his bedroom. He lies down on the floor on his stomach, unceremoniously and begins to nibble an apple.
I sit in front of him and seize a peer to imitate him. Masaki didn’t dare to follow us, despite my demanding look and he’s back to my bedroom.
“You know I saved your ass?”
“I…I beg your pardon?”
“He commanded you to behave and at the first hurdle you disobey?”
“Tomorrow is the presentation and I needed to see him.”
“Why?”
“To be reassured, I don’t know, because that’s what married people are making for each other.”
“Nino…you can’t compare your situation to a normal situation. He’s not a normal man, he has responsibility and you do too, now.”
“I know.”
“Right?” He smiles to me and waves me over and pats the spot to make me lay down like him. I do what I’m told and even if I know it’s a mere trick to cheer me up, I accept his help and play the game.
“I’m going to tell you a secret I never told, do you want to hear it?”
I nod, of course, I want hear him it’s so rare for him to tell his life.
“I already told you I lived in the street like you when I was a kid? One day I met a merchant who just came from the Ohoku and he told me the marvels of the Palace, he made me dream. I was pretty bold at that time and I decided to knock myself at the Ohoku’s door. The Master accepted to see me and he taught me to become a favourite, years after years, he slowly trained me. He showed me one thing particularly. When the Emperor asked me for the very first time I did this thing and the next night he asked me again…”
“This thing?”
“This thing.”
I don’t get it but he looks like a cat that just ate a mouse. Satisfied and mischievous.
“Of course, no one ever knew why he was so fond of me and somehow I kept the secret about our intercourses.”
Now I’m totally captivated. I want to know.
“Did you do it to Ohno too?”
“Oh yeah I did it to Ohno too…and it’s a perfect way to make him obey.”
“And…could I do this thing to Sho-san too?”
“I…think so. If I decide to teach it to you, though.”
“Please!”
“The thing is that I can only explain it to you, I can’t show you or he will kill me…”
“Will I master it if I can’t try?”
“Show me your fingers.”
I raise my hand in front of me and he sticks his to mine. Naturally his hand is bigger than mine, his fingers are longer, especially his weird thumbs. He smirks.
“Size doesn’t really matter anyway, it’s essentially the way you use it which is important. And you’re skilled.”
He winks at me and grabs a paper sheet to draw.
=+=
I look at the ten men sat on cushions around Sho-san and I do my best to hide my feelings like Matsumoto-san taught me.
When I woke up this morning, I was in my bedroom and at my futon’s feet was my kimono for this very special day. A wonderful yellow kimono, shining like a ray of sun, I had never seen such splendor before. I know it’s Sho’s way to cheer me up and lend me his courage.
Matsumoto-san helps me to dress in a religious silence with Masaki’s assistance and once again, he puts a white powder on my face, even if it will be protected by a white material hanging from an elegant hat until my marriage. The last accessory he places on me is the brouche.
I didn’t expect to face these ten men only, I thought the Presentation to the Court was a kind of public session where everybody could observe me. It’s almost more frightening and eventually it’s good to have ignored it. They are the Chiefs of the most important families of the country and it’s the first time for me to see Sho as Emperor. He’s so calm and expressionless, I’m not facing the man I used to know. Yet, when he asks me to sit by his side, he discreetly smirks at me and I find the courage I needed to find my composure back.
They don’t talk to me directly, it’s a usual meeting about political issues, but I’m perfectly aware they are detailing me intensely; each movement I do is studied and criticized. Surprisingly Sho’s presence is like a balm on the doubts I had these past weeks. He’s close and my life is worth to be lived more than ever, I have the feeling to be alive again. I pour tea to the men, with grace, showing my wrist on purpose to unveil the whiteness of my skin then I amble to the shamisen to play the most complex piece of music I learned. Hidden behind my instrument, I can observe them at my turn and I admire the way Sho is leading the meeting, wrapping them around his finger to obtain what he wishes.
When they are leaving the room, I stand up and walk slowly behind them but Sho calls me.
“Ninomiya-kun, could you stay, I have to speak to you.”
The men are looking at each other then resume their actions, conceding us a moment alone. I turn back and face Sho for the first time since ages, I hope I did well.
Once again I sit on the cushion by his side but this time he holds my hands for me to face him.
“I missed you.” He says in an undertone, and I sigh happily.
“And I faded away so far from you.”
He caresses my cheeks behind the veil and I’m about to cry.
“I…avoided you. I knew I couldn’t bear to see you without touching you. I almost hope you could run away once again to visit my bedroom…”
“Matsumoto-san caught me in the corridor.”
He laughs sadly and finally rises up the veil to cross my gaze.
“You’ve been wonderful today. They are fond of you, I’m convinced they will bless our marriage rapidly.”
I reach out and grab his elbows as he puts his hands on my shoulders.
“I know you didn’t expect to have such duties by marrying the man you’d love, but I’ll make you happy, I swear to you.”
“You already do.”
“Those days far from you helped me to realize how much I love you, it’s not only a sex matter. Even if…”
“Even if?”
“Even if each night I wake up, dreaming of your hands on me, your lips on my skin…”
He’s whispering at my ear now and I close my eyes to hide the desire I feel for him, but my grip on his arms is firmer, my mouth is already searching for his. But I move back, decided to respect the engagement we took. Sho opens his eyes, baffled, his mouth already parted to take my lips.
“We can’t.”
He smiles and releases his grip on me.
“You’re right. We can’t.”
I stand up and walk to the exit.
“Kazunari! You’re ready to be my spouse.”
I wink naughtily.
“You don’t know how much I’m ready for the day I’ll be your spouse. I learned so many things since the last time.”
Author: WendyJoly
Pairing : Guess who~
Rating: NC-17
Lenght : Chaptered
Beta and title: Hug and cuddle to
chibipinkpetalsGenre: Kimono, Initiation and Love
Disclaimer: I owe nothing but Arashi owns surely my soul
Summary : Ninomiya Kazunari is an employee of a kabuki theatre, serving Aiba Masaki, an onnagata looking for the patronage of a protector. But when the Master of the Emperor’s Ohoku finally shows up, his choice is pretty surprising…
PART V
“Are you a total lunatic?!”
I sit up quickly and shake Aiba to wake him up.
“The Emperor is so angry with you now. How can you be silly enough to sleep with a man in his Palace?! Did you ever listen to me? He was furious at me!!”
I kneel on my bed and apologize deeply, realizing what I’ve done, afraid for Masaki. When we were in the brothel I was beaten for his mistakes, now the roles are exchanged will he be beaten for my craziness?
“You’ll be in his bed tonight. Come, I need to prepare you.”
We’re tense all day long, fearing a punishment which never comes. Masaki apologizes again and again, saying we’re not kids anymore, that we should have been smarter, less emotional.
He bathes me, dresses my hair and by the beginning of the night, Matsumoto-san hands me a yellow light kimono, saying it’s the best match for my carnation.
“Do you have a last advice, Matsumoto-san?”
He’s drawing a red line on my eyelids, his face so close to mine I can feel his perfumed breathe. My heart clenches suddenly at the memory of the first time he took care of me. I owe him so much. He puts his brush back on the table and takes my hand.
“Forget all the lessons I gave you.”
“What?”
“You learned well until now, you did your best. Now love him, make love to him, that’s all it matters.”
“I can’t…”
“You will. It’s your duty. You remember what I said about him?”
“He’s a very lonely man?”
“Exactly. You will be the apple of his eyes, the man he deserved to meet. Now go!”
I nod and dare to take Matsumoto-san in my arms to find some courage. He chuckles awkwardly and after a last bow at me, leads me to a new part of the Palace, a small candle lighting our way.
“Lay down.”
“Now?”
“Do it.”
This bedroom is larger than my entire room. In the middle of the room, a high bed surrounded by see-through draperies.
I lay down on the white bed and Matsumoto-san closes the curtains around me, then I watch the candle disappearing, leaving me in a dark room. I’m trembling, hoping I’ll be able to make love to a perfect stranger. I will close my eyes, and imagine Sho-san, like I always did when I was at Matsumoto-san’s place, alone, dreaming about him. And if he was fat, stinky…I don’t want to think about it now. I rather focus on my memories, the one I share with him.
I close my eyes and raise my legs, putting my hands on my stomach to breathe in and out quietly. Yet, when I feel the bed moving beside me, I can’t keep a gasp for myself.
I can’t see him but I guess his silhouette pretty well. He’s wearing a light-coloured kimono like me, and he’s not fat or stinky, on contrary. My heart beats fast when I recognize him.
“Sho-san…?”
“What did you do last night?” He’s so angry with me. I can’t believe I’ve been idiotic enough to disappoint him.
“My friend slept by my side.”
“In your bed?”
“In my bed. I’m so sorry. I was so sad, I didn’t reflect.”
“Did you do something with him?”
“Besides sleeping?”
“Besides sleeping.”
“No…nothing.”
He clenched his jaws but he seems to be less tensed, I would like to sit to apologize properly but he didn’t say I could.
“Why were you sad? Answer.”
“I…I wanted to see you last night so I sneaked into the palace, I’m so sorry.”
“And?”
“I heard someone saying you were preparing your wedding.”
“Ohno feared something like that and he came to me to warn me. And when I went into your room…”
I can’t answer without crying, so I keep my mouth shut. He puts his hands on each side of my head and bends slowly on me, kissing my lips gently. I forget everything. His marriage, the reason why I’m here, the Emperor…
“The Emperor!” I try to sit but he pushes me back on the bed, taking of his kimono quickly.
“You really ignore who I am?”
“The master of the Ohoku?”
He nods negatively and kisses my chin. I close my eyes and as he’s undressing me, I’m struck by lightning.
“You are the Emperor.”
I can't believe I’ve been blind enough, or dumb, or in love that I didn’t figure out before. Now everything seems so obvious…
“You…lied to me?!”
I search his eyes, staring at his serious face and he stops his ministrations. He moves back and sits on the bed, his back against the wall.
“I didn’t intend on lying to you. I thought you knew, and after this night when you said you’d wish I’d be the Emperor…I was so happy. For the very first time in my life someone loved me for myself, not for my status. I’ve been selfish and I hid it from you. I’m sorry, Kazunari.”
I can’t tell if I’m angry, I’ve never really been angry with anyone. And him…I’m too deeply in love with him to feel something else than sadness. Sadness because I never really understood him until now, I never perceived his loneliness and his need to be loved.
I straighten up and without hesitation take him into my embrace, holding him tight to make him forget his solitude.
“You’ll never be alone anymore.”
I peck his neck, try to warm his cold skin, doing my best to convey my feelings. He puts his arms around my waist and I straddle his thighs, searching for a contact I missed so much. Through my opened kimono I feel his naked skin against mine, the way his hands on me are more insistent, stronger. I raise my gaze on him and he kisses me sweetly, lowering hastily the light material I’m wearing to caress my shoulders. I moan despite of myself, unable to hide the pleasure I feel when between my thighs I sense his hardness.
“Are you ready to receive me? I can’t wait to be in you.”
“So take me.”
I caress his length slowly, guiding it to my hole, but the excitement makes my hand shake. So I open my legs wide and slowly, inch by inch, take him inside me. But he’s big and I underestimated the pain due to the lack of preparation. I gasp and stop my movements, grabbing his shoulders hard to find a support.
“You can make it…” He whispers to my ears, caressing my body teasingly, wrapping his hand on my cock to pleasure me. God it feels so good! His other hand is now on my hips and softly helps me to sit on his thighs, his shaft soon deeply and totally in me. We're groaning in unison, finally united, finally making one.
I smile and cup his face, kiss his lips as I begin to move my hips back and forth. It’s so wonderful to hear his moans, to feel him growing inside my stomach, to be the master of our pleasure. I make love to him with all my might, all the tenderness he taught me, without an ounce of sadness at the thought to belong to another man, for the very first time. I’m totally his and he’s totally mine. Joyfully, happily, frenetically.
He comes and goes on my member, adjusting his rhythm to my movements but soon, I can’t breathe, my body is trembling, my heart ready to jump out of my ribcage. I nibble at his ear, breathing erratically and he moans in return.
“Sho, I’m gonna cum and you?”
He doesn’t answer but his hands grab my hips almost painfully and I can’t move, he releases deeply in me and I can’t resist anymore. I watch my seed soiling his pale skin and I fall on his chest, trying to calm the erratic beatings of my heart. He brushes my hair, the back of my head gently. I don’t know how much time passes by but suddenly he puts his chin on the top of my head and sighs profoundly.
“Marry me Kazunari, be my spouse.”
“Ma, ma, ma…this night sounds to have been great.”
I hide my face in my arms to keep a satisfied smile for me but Matsumoto-san pulls the blanket to drag me out of the futon.
I sit and he grabs my chin to detail me.
“He left you hickeys, it’s good. He marked you as his.”
“It’s not…I mean, it wasn’t on purpose rather…he was very passionate.”
“Of course it was on purpose. He’s the Emperor and a very intelligent man; he doesn’t do anything without good reasons.”
“So, I’m happy. I want to be his.”
“He summoned me today, do you know why?”
I hide the blush on my cheeks by averting my gaze, unable to confess what happened between us last night. He proposed me marriage but I can’t believe it, once again, I rather think it was just a post-orgasmic overreaction, it sounds more realistic. Me? Emperor’s spouse? As if.
“Swear to me you didn’t do anything inappropriate.”
“I swear.”
“I’ll know anyway since I’ll be in his study in less than one hour.”
“I see.”
“Why are you so quiet today? After the GREAT revelation! So, he’s the Emperor after all?”
“I’m happy to be in love with the man who chose me but I can’t help to be sad somehow. You said the Emperor was a very lonely man, who struggled every day.”
“You’ll be his ally. He’s not alone anymore. Plus he has Ohno and me…I’m pretty sure Aiba will follow him too.”
I smile when he mentions my friend and I’m not so surprised when he enters the bedroom. He carries a package and hands it to me.
“What’s this?”
“A servant gave it to me for you.”
I unpack it under Matsumoto-san’s gaze and once again it’s a wooden box. Smaller than before but I’m reluctant to open it in front of Masaki who’s still untouched. What will he think about me?!
“What are you waiting for, open it!” command Matsumoto-san.
I do what I’m told and I exhale noisily. It’s a jewel, a wonderful ruby brooch made with several little gemstones in tear shape. I never saw such a marvel…I never dreamt to see such a marvel. Matsumoto-san sits unceremoniously by my side and his face is suddenly dead blank.
“Nino, what happened last night?!”
“I…I don’t know! Why? What’s this jewel?”
“It’s a gift made by the Emperor to the person he chose to marry. This is the fiancé’s jewel.”
“What?”
I let loose the box precipitously but Matsumoto grabs it and scolds me badly for my silliness.
“Well…I guess I know why he asked for me now. I never thought it would be so quick…”
I can’t move, I’m totally paralyzed now that I realize he was serious about this wedding last night, like that time when he chose me rather than Masaki, I can’t believe it. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, says my mind endlessly.
Matsumoto-san frowns and walks around the room, his hands firmly on his hips, mumbling unintelligible sentences for himself.
“Hey, hey, look at me, Nino.”
I raise my gaze on Masaki and I figure out he holds my two hands.
“It’s wonderful! You will marry the man you love.”
He caresses my cheek and I can’t help but smiling.
“He’s right.” Cuts Matsumoto, who sits at his turn. “That’s all it matters. He chose you because you can love the man before the Emperor. Surely for some other reasons too, because I trained you very well perhaps…” He’s smiling for himself now and I open my eyes wider. How is he able to be so self-satisfied in such a moment? “Well, anyway, Masaki is right, rejoice and I handle the rest.”
He vanishes soon after and as I’m dressing, I’m officially called by my fiancé. I’m afraid to find him with his counsellors but he’s all alone in his study, sat at a splendid low table, surrounded by tons of paper’s roll. He comes to me and kisses me, grabbing my hand to attract me to the table.
“You're wearing it. I’m happy you accepted. Jun-kun told you what it means?”
I nod shyly and he laughs out loud. He sounds to be glad, it’s true, and my heart yells in content.
“I saw him early and I asked him to stay with us at the Palace. I want to entrust you to him, he will teach you your new role during the next weeks. I announced him the Ohoku’s dissolution too.”
“You…why?”
“Why? Because I’ll be married. Though…my predecessors were too but they weren’t married to someone they loved.”
“But your counselors~”
“They are furious since some of them planned to find a favourite to weight on my decisions. It is a way to assert my authority too, don’t worry about it.”
“Sho…”
He’s in front of me, so close, I could touch him yet I miss him, it’s physically painful. He attracts me like a magnet. I would like to reduce the gap between us, to make it disappear to find back the shelter of his arms. I go to him, bypassing the table on my all fours under his amused gaze. I finally pout and peck his lips, sighing happily.
But it’s not enough to satisfy my needs, I kneel and kiss him with an open mouth, caressing his tongue with mine, feeling a resistance I never met. I move back and try to fathom his gaze.
“What? Do we have to talk again?”
“I…no. It’s just…we can’t.”
“We can’t?” I don’t get it, we’re about to be married but we can’t kiss?
“Now you’re my fiancé we have to observe a moment of reserve.”
“A moment of reserve, what does it means?”
For the very first time he sounds to be embarrassed and I freak out. I never saw him embarrassed.
“It means we can’t have sex until our wedding night.”
I’m about to protest but…what for? He’s the Emperor after all and my future husband. He doesn’t really ask my opinion anyway.
“Listen, Kazunari. I interrupted our kiss because I’m perfectly aware I can’t resist you and in a few minutes I will lay you down and take you in this very place…where I should be working. Usually, the Emperor meets his fiancé during the ceremony and ‘knows’ him during their wedding night. We skipped this part and if the counselors are already infuriated with the announce of our marriage if we can’t behave it will be worse. Let’s show them we’re aware of the engagement we’re taking.”
“Like a kind of atonement?”
“Hm…why not. We can see it like this too, I suppose. Do you agree?”
“We can't see each other?”
“Not alone, indeed. This is the last time we’re alone before the ceremony.”
“When will be the marriage?”
“I’ll do as fast as I can. Three months, perhaps two if things are going smoothly. It’s an important event, we can’t do differently.”
I think I’m going to cry. If this period of abstinence has been imposed to me before our nights of love, I should probably have taking things like I usually do, quietly and obediently. But how will I be able to live by his side and resist to the envy to touch him, to taste him, to lic~I can’t!
“And if we just…Hm…blowjob too?”
He clearly bites the inner of his cheek to prevent a smile, and nods. I was about to detail the list of the things we could do without really having ‘sex’ but I already know his answer.
“Perhaps should you go back to your room to think about it?”
Or go back to Shimabara to jump into the sink of the courtyard’s brothel? I simply bow at him and go back to my bedroom where I explain to Masaki and Matsumoto the terrible time to come.
“Did he tell you, Matsumoto-san?”
“Of course and he’s right. If he wants to give your relationship some legitimacy, you have to be irreproachable. And I will keep you busy, you will have to learn in two or three months to be an Emperor’s spouse. Usually, it’s a life time occupation.”
“I can’t be his spouse. It’s too hard, I can’t pretend to be a noble man.”
“And a few months ago you couldn’t get out of your brothel, you couldn’t write or read, recognize the subtle taste of a luxurious tea or the perfect smell of a rose. And yet, you’re here. Be confident.”
We are working all day long after this moment and when the day of my presentation to the Court is decided, I have the feeling to be in turmoil. I can’t imagine anything beyond this date, the end of the world could occurs after, I don’t care, because if I can’t pass the test, Sho will have to reject me.
Matsumoto-san trained me to be a favourite in the Emperor’s Ohoku not to be his spouse and I rapidly grasp the huge gap between the two roles. I learned to make love, to keep a man (to keep Sho-san essentially even if I wasn’t aware of it), to behave in men’s company and entertain them, now I have to face an official responsibility. Matsumoto-san isn’t my sole teacher now and I can say that I regret the days I spent in his house. I barely meet Sho and during the only moment we’re sharing, we’re surrounded by people. It’s almost worse to be so close and yet so far from him.
It’s frustrating and my long nights of loneliness begin to depress me. And the fact that Matsumoto-san and Ohno are so noisy when they are well-locked in Matsumoto’s room doesn’t help me to keep my head clear. At least one of us is happy with this situation…
“In Edo 87, the Emperor edicts the law of the legitimacy preservation and decides to create gynaecium and reserve some labour’s category to women, for example, Ninomiya-san?”
I try my best to stay focus on this History Course even if it’s my tenth hour of lesson and that my brain can’t clearly understand the slightest information. Yet, the mention of the women wakes me up; it’s a subject no one ever touches on.
“Field’s work?”
“Exactly.”
“Excuse me, may I ask you a question?”
“It’s not very usual, but yes, go on.”
“Things were not always his way? Men and women lived together?”
He’s so red and embarrassed that I can feel Matsumoto’s infuriated gaze on me. But he’s not there and I die to know, I can’t curb my curiosity.
“Please, I have to know since I’ll be the Emperor’s spouse.”
He sighs and sits less formally.
“Once women and men lived together, were married together and raised their children together.”
“And why this law suddenly?!”
“At that time a philosophical essay was written about the Nanchuko, the love between males, arguing it was the only pure love, since men had nothing to gain by loving each other. Mentalities began to gradually change and at the end, the Emperor decided to marry a man. Since then, the tradition kept on. Women are made to make children, that’s how they were created, isn’t it? They can’t love like men can do, they fit to hard toils rather than for emotional or noble work like Art or war. Thus men are choosing their husband and love each other and when they decide to raise a son, they are visiting one of the country gynaecium. Once the boy is here, they can live as family.”
He looks at me as if he just explained to a child that walking is putting a foot one after the other on the floor.
I never really think about it, since I lived with some rare women in the brothel. Some men asked for them and secretly we called them pervert, now I wonder why. I always think each of us had a predetermined place in society and that nothing could ever change…but now I live in a Palace and I’m going to marry the Emperor. And if this law was a terrible mistake? Perhaps wouldn’t I have to live in the streets when I was a kid if the law allowed women to raise their boys rather than entrust them to men? I’m gloomier than ever when I go back to my bedroom. Masaki helps me to bathe and we’re playing cards but my mind always goes back to Sho. Tomorrow is my presentation to the Court and I’m seriously afraid. I would like to talk to him, to see him. I know we can’t touch but if I could at least watch him it would be enough to reassure me.
The last time I sneaked out of my bedroom everything went wrong but this time I know the palace. Masaki accepts to help me and he walks a few steps ahead. We’re barely at the end of the corridor when I feel a grip on my shoulder. I scream and breathe out when I figure out it’s only Matsumoto-san. He doesn’t seem to be angry, he simply turns around and drags me to his bedroom. He lies down on the floor on his stomach, unceremoniously and begins to nibble an apple.
I sit in front of him and seize a peer to imitate him. Masaki didn’t dare to follow us, despite my demanding look and he’s back to my bedroom.
“You know I saved your ass?”
“I…I beg your pardon?”
“He commanded you to behave and at the first hurdle you disobey?”
“Tomorrow is the presentation and I needed to see him.”
“Why?”
“To be reassured, I don’t know, because that’s what married people are making for each other.”
“Nino…you can’t compare your situation to a normal situation. He’s not a normal man, he has responsibility and you do too, now.”
“I know.”
“Right?” He smiles to me and waves me over and pats the spot to make me lay down like him. I do what I’m told and even if I know it’s a mere trick to cheer me up, I accept his help and play the game.
“I’m going to tell you a secret I never told, do you want to hear it?”
I nod, of course, I want hear him it’s so rare for him to tell his life.
“I already told you I lived in the street like you when I was a kid? One day I met a merchant who just came from the Ohoku and he told me the marvels of the Palace, he made me dream. I was pretty bold at that time and I decided to knock myself at the Ohoku’s door. The Master accepted to see me and he taught me to become a favourite, years after years, he slowly trained me. He showed me one thing particularly. When the Emperor asked me for the very first time I did this thing and the next night he asked me again…”
“This thing?”
“This thing.”
I don’t get it but he looks like a cat that just ate a mouse. Satisfied and mischievous.
“Of course, no one ever knew why he was so fond of me and somehow I kept the secret about our intercourses.”
Now I’m totally captivated. I want to know.
“Did you do it to Ohno too?”
“Oh yeah I did it to Ohno too…and it’s a perfect way to make him obey.”
“And…could I do this thing to Sho-san too?”
“I…think so. If I decide to teach it to you, though.”
“Please!”
“The thing is that I can only explain it to you, I can’t show you or he will kill me…”
“Will I master it if I can’t try?”
“Show me your fingers.”
I raise my hand in front of me and he sticks his to mine. Naturally his hand is bigger than mine, his fingers are longer, especially his weird thumbs. He smirks.
“Size doesn’t really matter anyway, it’s essentially the way you use it which is important. And you’re skilled.”
He winks at me and grabs a paper sheet to draw.
I look at the ten men sat on cushions around Sho-san and I do my best to hide my feelings like Matsumoto-san taught me.
When I woke up this morning, I was in my bedroom and at my futon’s feet was my kimono for this very special day. A wonderful yellow kimono, shining like a ray of sun, I had never seen such splendor before. I know it’s Sho’s way to cheer me up and lend me his courage.
Matsumoto-san helps me to dress in a religious silence with Masaki’s assistance and once again, he puts a white powder on my face, even if it will be protected by a white material hanging from an elegant hat until my marriage. The last accessory he places on me is the brouche.
I didn’t expect to face these ten men only, I thought the Presentation to the Court was a kind of public session where everybody could observe me. It’s almost more frightening and eventually it’s good to have ignored it. They are the Chiefs of the most important families of the country and it’s the first time for me to see Sho as Emperor. He’s so calm and expressionless, I’m not facing the man I used to know. Yet, when he asks me to sit by his side, he discreetly smirks at me and I find the courage I needed to find my composure back.
They don’t talk to me directly, it’s a usual meeting about political issues, but I’m perfectly aware they are detailing me intensely; each movement I do is studied and criticized. Surprisingly Sho’s presence is like a balm on the doubts I had these past weeks. He’s close and my life is worth to be lived more than ever, I have the feeling to be alive again. I pour tea to the men, with grace, showing my wrist on purpose to unveil the whiteness of my skin then I amble to the shamisen to play the most complex piece of music I learned. Hidden behind my instrument, I can observe them at my turn and I admire the way Sho is leading the meeting, wrapping them around his finger to obtain what he wishes.
When they are leaving the room, I stand up and walk slowly behind them but Sho calls me.
“Ninomiya-kun, could you stay, I have to speak to you.”
The men are looking at each other then resume their actions, conceding us a moment alone. I turn back and face Sho for the first time since ages, I hope I did well.
Once again I sit on the cushion by his side but this time he holds my hands for me to face him.
“I missed you.” He says in an undertone, and I sigh happily.
“And I faded away so far from you.”
He caresses my cheeks behind the veil and I’m about to cry.
“I…avoided you. I knew I couldn’t bear to see you without touching you. I almost hope you could run away once again to visit my bedroom…”
“Matsumoto-san caught me in the corridor.”
He laughs sadly and finally rises up the veil to cross my gaze.
“You’ve been wonderful today. They are fond of you, I’m convinced they will bless our marriage rapidly.”
I reach out and grab his elbows as he puts his hands on my shoulders.
“I know you didn’t expect to have such duties by marrying the man you’d love, but I’ll make you happy, I swear to you.”
“You already do.”
“Those days far from you helped me to realize how much I love you, it’s not only a sex matter. Even if…”
“Even if?”
“Even if each night I wake up, dreaming of your hands on me, your lips on my skin…”
He’s whispering at my ear now and I close my eyes to hide the desire I feel for him, but my grip on his arms is firmer, my mouth is already searching for his. But I move back, decided to respect the engagement we took. Sho opens his eyes, baffled, his mouth already parted to take my lips.
“We can’t.”
He smiles and releases his grip on me.
“You’re right. We can’t.”
I stand up and walk to the exit.
“Kazunari! You’re ready to be my spouse.”
I wink naughtily.
“You don’t know how much I’m ready for the day I’ll be your spouse. I learned so many things since the last time.”
