Kiss in the dark
Feb. 14th, 2014 02:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wendyjolyTitle : Kiss in the dark
Author : WendyJoly
Pairing : Guess who~
Rating : PG 13
Beta : Un-beta-ed
Genre : Jealousy, trekking and cuteness
Summary : When Sho discovers that Nino will join the little trek he planned with Satoshi, Masaki and Jun he can't help but be pissed off by this too persistent guy...
Note : Ohayo minna-san\O/ HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY
During one of our ardent fangirls discussion about the meaning of life *cough*,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
chibipinkpetals and I went to speak about the so different kind of kisses and we figured out that it could be fun to write some drabbles/OS about it. So I'll open a post on my LJ for the kiss serie where I'll post mine and create links to her texts. If you feel inspired to write a OS or a drabble about a kind of kiss, I'll be more than happy to add you to this post and link to your LJ. Every pariring, every situation, if it's about a kiss, it will be perfect, just PM me!
"Why is he here?"
I stare at my dumb best friend and his innocent look makes me want to shake him to wake him up. How can he be so blind?!
We're four. We had always been four since the kinder garden. Jun-kun, Aiba-chan, Oh-chan and me and in this group there's two kind of pair. Jun and Aiba are totally complementary and are like fingers on a hand. For Oh-chan and me it's a little bit different but I can tell we understand each other. We're not talkative or demonstrative but we don't need this to fully get what the other has in mind.
Since almost two months this guy, this Ninomiya seems to glue him. I know Ohno, he's not the guy to reject anyone, he acts like he usually do...he does nothing and let Ninomiya follow him without a word.
And today this is the last straw.
Each year since Satoshi's 11th birthday we are making an excursion to celebrate it. The first years we just slept in the garden of Jun's house since it's the biggest but since we're in high school, we're trekking in the forest and the mountains around our hometown. We’re totally excited to finally be together and alone outside for two long days and I can’t contain my anger when he arrives with this guy behind him.
What the fuck?! Since when are we five? Since when does he take the decision to invite someone without even asking?
“Oh-chan asked me.” Answers Jun “Should I refuse, Mister Green?”
“Green?”
“Green like your jealousy. You’re such a pathetic guy.”
“Thanks Jun. And no, I’m not jealous, I don’t get why suddenly we’re five. Five sucks. It’s two, two and…one guy alone.”
“Pathetic like I said. Ma-chan, you’re ready?” He takes Aiba’s backpack and begins to climb the pathway.
“Hi Sho.” Ohno pats my shoulder as if nothing could upset me and I take a glimpse at the newbie who’s shyly looking at his shoes.
Great, at least he’s aware that he shouldn’t be here. He even brought his guitar, where does he think he is, in a musical or in a hippie trip?!
I don’t answer and follow Jun and Aiba. I walk alone all the way long. I know I’m punishing myself, because of my gloomy mood this trek will be not as fun as it supposed to be. But I can’t do differently, this guy pisses me off with his innocent and cute look. He sounds to be smart so how could he not notice he’s out of place with us?
When we finally arrived to the shelter I’m the first of us and they are all far behind, chatting and laughing joyfully like we used to do last year and the previous ones.
When this guy took my place, I wonder?
I get rid of my backpack and begin to check the closets. Every people sleeping in the shelter let some stuff to eat or cook and there are always neat and warm blankets.
The others enter noisily and I frown slightly.
“We have to find wood for the fireplace before the nightfall.” Tells Jun as he opens his bag. “Oh-chan you set the futons, Ma-chan and I, are going to cook, Nino and Sho go to search for wood.”
I’m baffled by his insensibility, does he really want to attend to a fight?
“Why?”
“To light a fire perhaps?”
“Why me and him?” I don’t give a shit if he’s vexed, it’s his problem, not mine.
“Him is called Nino and because it’s a chore, I’m not telling you to marry him, just go.”
I could punch him because of that, but I just put on my coat, my gloves and my cap then go out. I walk straight to the wood and I hear his steps right behind me.
I pick up all the wood I can find on my way, decided to quickly end up the chores.
“For the record I didn’t know you would be there.” I spit irritatedly.
“I know. Sorry. Satoshi thought~”
“Satoshi?!” I don’t even dare to call him like that, he has always been O-chan for me.
I sigh loudly and don’t even look at him when I move away from him.
“Sakurai-kun!” He screams behind me and I turn back to look at him. “Look, if you want me to come back right now in town, I’ll do you just have to ask.”
He stares at me with puppy’s eyes and as I was about to argue back, I flinch. He’s cute. I always found him cute, though, it’s just the way he has to stick to Ohno which irritates me deeply.
“Whatever...you can stay since you’re already here I don’t give a shit.Mind your own business, I’ll do mine. Just...don’t get on my way.”
He doesn’t add anything and it’s almost more frustrating. If he was just a moron it would certainly be easier to hate him.
When I come back at the shelter the futons and the sleeping bags are set in circle and I can’t believe what they did.
Masaki, Jun, Oh-chan, I and beside mine, Ninomiya.
“What kind of joke is it?”
“You piss me off. “ says Jun. “What’s the problem with you? Are you 5 years old? You don’t want to lend your truck to the little Kazunari?”
“I’m too polite to answer.”
“Good. And it’s not against you.. Masaki sleeps by my side, I don’t share him and Oh-chan is in the middle naturally, I decide to let you sleep beside him and...that’s it. The only place left was this one for Nino.”
He’s so talented to find the perfect arguments that I have nothing to answer, I’m just tricked.
Ninomiya enters the shelter after me and he blushes when he spots his sleeping bag. Even him doesn’t say a word. He just put the wood near the fireplace and light the fire -I should admit it- skilfully.
We let Aiba cook the diner and we laugh about his total lack of talent. Jun rescues him and I smirk because that’s precisely why he asked him to do the meal. And when I see the adoring smile of Masaki I can’t help but smirking. I turns the head and Ninomiya is smiling too, his eyes straight on me. He turns quickly the head but my heart skipped a beat. What’s with him and why does it embarrass me?!
We eat, we chat, Nino plays guitar -okay he’s a great musician - and after, it’s horror story time like always.
I’m not very good for the horror stuffs contrary to Oh-chan. Jun is not brave too but he manages to hide it in front of Masaki. We lay down in our sleeping bag and Nino keeps the fire going.
When it’s high enough in the fireplace he slides into it at his turn and if he listens to the stories, he keeps his mouth shut.
I should fall asleep because when I open my eyes, it’s pitch dark.
And..I’m awake by a mouth on mine. It’s just a feeling though. Am I dreaming? Someone is brushing his lips against mine. I’m on my back and the kisser is above me, his upper lip is on my lower lip and I can’t move...or rather I don’t want to. I’m unable to think about the fact that it’ s one of my friend who’s kissing me gently, it’s too...sweet. His finger is caressing my chin and when he parts my lips, I let him do willingly. He smells so good, a mix between the burning wood and the meal we ate tonight. The sweetness of the marshmallow we grilled, the tea we drank too. It’s exhilarating. I kissed some girls in my life but it had nothing to do with this. It’s sensual, somehow so erotic this contact in the dark. I don’t move at all when his tongue caresses mine for the first time but I can’t keep a moan for myself. It feels so damn good. He moves his head slightly and deepen the kiss, digging a huge hole of pleasure in my lower belly. Is it something better than that in the world? In this very moment, I know that it doesn’t. I feel his breathe on my chin, the delicious odour of his neck in my nostrils. I’m dying to touch him to confirm my belief but I don’t want to freak him out. And if he was dreaming? If he wasn’t kissing me but someone else in his dream?
Whatever...I don’t give a shit. So I just let myself go and answer to the kiss. I play with his tongue, I lick his lips and make him groan at his turn and finally caress his cheek from the tip of my finger.
And if I was totally wrong since the beginning? And if my jealousy made me blind to that extent? And if it was me he wanted to know...me he was in love?
I’m about to say his name when he steps back. I don’t hold him back and let him go back to his sleeping bag.
My heart beats fast, my breathe is still short and I keep on my lips the taste of his mouth. I’m so lost and in the same time...so moved. I don’t know how things will happen when the light will be back but for the moment I don’t want to think about it, I just want to be worked up. It’s a new feeling and I don’t want to struggle against it.
~+~
“Do you like him?”
I raise my gaze to the guy in front of me and I blush idiotically. It’s Ohno, the man I probably hate the most in the world. Though...I don’t really hate him I’m just miserably jealous of him. He’s his best friend. He’s the best friend of the man I’m in love with.
I was transferred at the beginning of the year in this high school and the very first day I ran into him. Sakurai Sho. I was lost in the corridors and he helped me. I’m pretty sure that today he doesn’t even remind it because I’m clearly the invisible man for him.
He’s smart, handsome, delegate of the students, good in sports and in class. In other words, the perfect guy.
I guess that’s why he helped me. He didn’t even realize the effect he have on me. I don’t exactly remember this only time we have been together but I think I didn’t open my mouth except for the usual greetings formula. I wasn’t prepare to fall in love at the first sight, I didn’t know I could fall in love with a man so I didn’t really know how to react.
He became my obsession. I followed him without really thinking about it, he just became the only center of my school life. The hour he arrives at school, his class schedule, his lunch with his three friends...soon I became the guy who knew him the best. Even if, I was aware that I knew nothing about his real character. What did he loves, who he loved, what kind of things moved him….I only knew the image he showed to the world but I was not dumb enough to imagine there were nothing more to learn about him. It was so painful to be a shadow, so far from him but I wasn’t brave enough to confess so I kept my secret for myself. Until that day.
Ohno is looking at me, with this strange unfathomable gaze he always have.
“Who are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about Sho-kun. You’re always behind us and I don’t think it’s for me. Ne?”
“I...I...no kidding?”
“I can help you if you want...with him I mean.”
I simply shake my head negatively after lowering my head. I’m pitiful but I just can’t. And if he was just mocking me? He shrugs his shoulder and walks away. Fuck. And if I was missing my first and only chance to approach him? My feet are moving by themselves and I grab Ohno’s shoulder.
“You’re right. I...I’m in love with him.”
He smiles gently to me and he pats my shoulder.
“You can ask me anything about him, I’ll tell you.”
I don’t know why he’s so friendly with me, why he accepts to make me penetrate his circle of friends, but soon I learn to know Matsumoto and Aiba too. They are great and don’t treat me as if I was the newbie in their group. The only problem is that Sho hates me. He sees me like an enemy, a bother in their little group and several times I try to run away. It’s hard to be far from him, but be hated by him is far worst. But each time, Ohno brings me back. “He’s made for you, he just doesn’t know it for the moment, give him some times.” He talks to me about him, about their common childhood, about his flaws and his qualities and I figure out how much I love him better thanks to him. I have the sensation to live a love relationship on my own it’s a pretty strange feeling but somehow it’s a feeling I cherish secretly.
“When will you confess to him?” Asks Masaki as we’re on the baseball field, watching the guys playing.
“Never. What for?”
“To feel relieve perhaps?”
“He hates me, you know it. Unrequited love is painful but less than a total and frank reject. I’m not that maso…and you?”
“Me what?”
“With Jun-kun?”
“It’s not...as if we were in love, we’re just...it’s complicated, it’s a kind of privileged friendship, you get it?”
“Friends don’t do what you’re doing together.”
“There are all kind of friends.”
“So, you’re the weird kind.”
We laughs and it’s comfortable to have a friend like him to talk even if I’m sure he suffers from his situation too..
“Oh, by the way, Oh-chan asked you?”
“Ask me what?”
“To come with us this week-end in the mountain.”
He wants to kill me or what?!
“No, no, no way!”
“Of course you’ll come it’s your chance.”
“I can’t! Be with him for two days and one night...absolutely impossible.”
“Fuck Nino! Seize the day. And if he rejects you, we’ll help you. He can be thick sometimes but he’s the most gentle person I ever met. Trust me.”
I don’t add anything. I just nod after a few minutes of reflexion and a three days later we’re together, searching for wood for the fire. My heart is ready to explode and I can’t swallow the knot in my throat.
“For the record I didn’t know you’ll be there.”
He hates me so much. I’m just a burden for him, I spoil his week-end, obviously. Though, it’s not as if I didn’t know it.
“I know. Sorry. Satoshi thought~”
“Satoshi?!”
I regret immediately, I shouldn’t have answered. I try to apologize even if it breaks my heart to be so close and still so far from him.
“Sakurai-kun! Look, if you want me to come back right now in town, I’ll do you just have to ask.”
Please please, let me stay I scream silently.
“Whatever...you can stay since you’re already here I don’t give a shit.Mind your own business, I’ll do mine. Just...don’t get on my way.”
I don’t know if it’s a victory but at least after this scene, he’s less cold with me. He picks up the wood alone and I look at him, waiting a few minutes before following him into the shelter.
That’s the moment I begin to panic.
They put my sleeping bag beside Sho’s and I can’t even think about an entire night next to him. Hearing his breath, smelling his odour, feeling his warmth. I’m gonna burst a vessel, it’s settled.
I try to forget the night to come and take care of the fire, let Masaki playing the useless man to be saved by Jun the blind. They are funny and I really wonder if they are fooled by the other’s act.
I’m amazed to be in the same room than him, to hear him laughing with the others and when he finally crosses my gaze I flush like a moron...crap. I play guitar, I try to show him that I can be nice too and the miracle happens. He seems to accept my presence or rather to forget it.
They are all in their sleeping bag when the horror story session begins but I just can’t lay down next to Sho, despite all the efforts they made to help me. They are too pushy with me and I just can’t. I don’t even know now if I want to be his boyfriend. Would I be able to stand by his side like what...the guy who loves him? Impossible. Not with such a man.
“He’s almost asleep...you can go to sleep..” murmurs Ohno to me.
“I don’t…”
“Everything’s fine. That’s where you wanted to be, right? So go on.”
I just nod and slip in my sleeping bag. I listen the others chatting softly and I watch the fire dying in the fireplace. How many hours are passed since I laid down? I can’t tell but it seems like ages since I can’t smell anything but Sho’s subtle cologne, I can’t hear anything but Sho’s slight snore, since I can’t breathe easily, too agitated to control the beatings of my heart.
I move slowly and feel his head near mine, I never been so close to him.
If I dare…
I roll onto my stomach to observe him closer. He’s much handsome like that... if it’s possible. He sounds so quiet, so peaceful I can’t help smiling idiotically. It’s freaking out how much I can be a total weirdo with him, I’m far more hooked than I think. I touch his cheek in a ghost stroke and he smiles gently to me. I close my eyes and lean to him very carefully until our lips are so close that I could kiss him with a pout.
I could, it’s true. His mouth is so beautiful, so kissable.
Fuck.
I half close my eyelids and I brush his lips in the most tender way.
One time then two and I’m drunk. I’m in heaven in this shelter, in the total darkness, nothing exists in the world except him and I.
I put my finger on his chin and he opens his mouth to give me an access I didn’t dare to claim. I caress his tongue with mine, kissing him like I never kissed anybody. But right now I’m not thinking about anything I let myself go and when he moans in my mouth, I move to deepen our contact. I know it will never happen again, I know that tomorrow he will have the feeling that it was just a dream, so I enjoy, it’s the time of my life, I’m pleasuring him and I’m convinced I could live the rest of my life here, lost in our kiss. But...he breaks it, he wants to say something and I panic, I lay down and close my eyes firmly, my heart ready to explode.
I don’t know what the morning will bring to me but I smile wide in the dark, happy to have seize the day and stole a kiss to the man I love.
When I finally wake up the sun is high in the sky and I’m all alone. I try to remember the moment I fell asleep and I touch my lips still feeling the lingering trace of our kiss. I smile and stretch then I stand up. I roll my sleeping bag and put it with the others then look for the guys.
“Yo Nino!” Shouts Masaki joyfully. The night seems to have been good for him too. “Jun is trying to call our parents and Satoshi-kun is with Sho-chan. He was pretty...moved.”
“Moved?”
“Happy. What did you do to him?”
“I...I did nothing at all.”
He begins to laugh, I feel the blush on my cheeks and it’s worst when Satoshi and Sho come back together. Satoshi come to me and hug me. I stare at Sho immediately and he turns his head modestly…or is he angry?
I push Ohno but he drags me behind him to give me something to eat. We don’t really talk about the night but I’m sure he knows. I’m lost in my fantasy, thinking and thinking over about this so sweet kiss we shared. I avoid Sho clearly but as we’re going back in town he slows down his pace and eventually walks by my side. I look elsewhere, the trees, my feet, the sky, anything but him. So much that I don’t see a twisted root on the pathway and fall ridiculously.
“Nino!” He grabs my wrist and I totally forget to breathe, I don’t even think about my bleeding knees, my painful ankle, I just feel the burn of his hand on my arm and the care in his eyes.
“Everything’s fine?” Asks Jun far away from us. “Do you need help?”
“No, go on, I’ll take care of him.” He turns to me and “ Jump on my back.”
Holly fuck, certainly not!
“I...can walk it’s nothing, only a scratch.”
“Just listen to me. Go on.”
He kneels in front of me and I have no choice but to grab his neck and wrap myself around him. Ohno grips my backpack and runs to catch up the two others.
He’s warm under me, I feel his hand under my knees, his back against my stomach and I don’t dare to stuck to him like I’m dying to.
“You gonna fall, Come closer. Here.” He catches my arms and pulls them gently.
I do what I’m told and feel my heart beating fast in my chest against his back. I’m sure he can hear it too. My face is close to his and I could kiss his cheek if I was bold enough.
“You were more daring last night.” He murmurs under tone.
I blush and shamelessly hide my face at his neck, closing my eyes.
That's all folks! See you soon!
Author : WendyJoly
Pairing : Guess who~
Rating : PG 13
Beta : Un-beta-ed
Genre : Jealousy, trekking and cuteness
Summary : When Sho discovers that Nino will join the little trek he planned with Satoshi, Masaki and Jun he can't help but be pissed off by this too persistent guy...
Note : Ohayo minna-san\O/ HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY
During one of our ardent fangirls discussion about the meaning of life *cough*,
chibipinkpetals and I went to speak about the so different kind of kisses and we figured out that it could be fun to write some drabbles/OS about it. So I'll open a post on my LJ for the kiss serie where I'll post mine and create links to her texts. If you feel inspired to write a OS or a drabble about a kind of kiss, I'll be more than happy to add you to this post and link to your LJ. Every pariring, every situation, if it's about a kiss, it will be perfect, just PM me!"Why is he here?"
I stare at my dumb best friend and his innocent look makes me want to shake him to wake him up. How can he be so blind?!
We're four. We had always been four since the kinder garden. Jun-kun, Aiba-chan, Oh-chan and me and in this group there's two kind of pair. Jun and Aiba are totally complementary and are like fingers on a hand. For Oh-chan and me it's a little bit different but I can tell we understand each other. We're not talkative or demonstrative but we don't need this to fully get what the other has in mind.
Since almost two months this guy, this Ninomiya seems to glue him. I know Ohno, he's not the guy to reject anyone, he acts like he usually do...he does nothing and let Ninomiya follow him without a word.
And today this is the last straw.
Each year since Satoshi's 11th birthday we are making an excursion to celebrate it. The first years we just slept in the garden of Jun's house since it's the biggest but since we're in high school, we're trekking in the forest and the mountains around our hometown. We’re totally excited to finally be together and alone outside for two long days and I can’t contain my anger when he arrives with this guy behind him.
What the fuck?! Since when are we five? Since when does he take the decision to invite someone without even asking?
“Oh-chan asked me.” Answers Jun “Should I refuse, Mister Green?”
“Green?”
“Green like your jealousy. You’re such a pathetic guy.”
“Thanks Jun. And no, I’m not jealous, I don’t get why suddenly we’re five. Five sucks. It’s two, two and…one guy alone.”
“Pathetic like I said. Ma-chan, you’re ready?” He takes Aiba’s backpack and begins to climb the pathway.
“Hi Sho.” Ohno pats my shoulder as if nothing could upset me and I take a glimpse at the newbie who’s shyly looking at his shoes.
Great, at least he’s aware that he shouldn’t be here. He even brought his guitar, where does he think he is, in a musical or in a hippie trip?!
I don’t answer and follow Jun and Aiba. I walk alone all the way long. I know I’m punishing myself, because of my gloomy mood this trek will be not as fun as it supposed to be. But I can’t do differently, this guy pisses me off with his innocent and cute look. He sounds to be smart so how could he not notice he’s out of place with us?
When we finally arrived to the shelter I’m the first of us and they are all far behind, chatting and laughing joyfully like we used to do last year and the previous ones.
When this guy took my place, I wonder?
I get rid of my backpack and begin to check the closets. Every people sleeping in the shelter let some stuff to eat or cook and there are always neat and warm blankets.
The others enter noisily and I frown slightly.
“We have to find wood for the fireplace before the nightfall.” Tells Jun as he opens his bag. “Oh-chan you set the futons, Ma-chan and I, are going to cook, Nino and Sho go to search for wood.”
I’m baffled by his insensibility, does he really want to attend to a fight?
“Why?”
“To light a fire perhaps?”
“Why me and him?” I don’t give a shit if he’s vexed, it’s his problem, not mine.
“Him is called Nino and because it’s a chore, I’m not telling you to marry him, just go.”
I could punch him because of that, but I just put on my coat, my gloves and my cap then go out. I walk straight to the wood and I hear his steps right behind me.
I pick up all the wood I can find on my way, decided to quickly end up the chores.
“For the record I didn’t know you would be there.” I spit irritatedly.
“I know. Sorry. Satoshi thought~”
“Satoshi?!” I don’t even dare to call him like that, he has always been O-chan for me.
I sigh loudly and don’t even look at him when I move away from him.
“Sakurai-kun!” He screams behind me and I turn back to look at him. “Look, if you want me to come back right now in town, I’ll do you just have to ask.”
He stares at me with puppy’s eyes and as I was about to argue back, I flinch. He’s cute. I always found him cute, though, it’s just the way he has to stick to Ohno which irritates me deeply.
“Whatever...you can stay since you’re already here I don’t give a shit.Mind your own business, I’ll do mine. Just...don’t get on my way.”
He doesn’t add anything and it’s almost more frustrating. If he was just a moron it would certainly be easier to hate him.
When I come back at the shelter the futons and the sleeping bags are set in circle and I can’t believe what they did.
Masaki, Jun, Oh-chan, I and beside mine, Ninomiya.
“What kind of joke is it?”
“You piss me off. “ says Jun. “What’s the problem with you? Are you 5 years old? You don’t want to lend your truck to the little Kazunari?”
“I’m too polite to answer.”
“Good. And it’s not against you.. Masaki sleeps by my side, I don’t share him and Oh-chan is in the middle naturally, I decide to let you sleep beside him and...that’s it. The only place left was this one for Nino.”
He’s so talented to find the perfect arguments that I have nothing to answer, I’m just tricked.
Ninomiya enters the shelter after me and he blushes when he spots his sleeping bag. Even him doesn’t say a word. He just put the wood near the fireplace and light the fire -I should admit it- skilfully.
We let Aiba cook the diner and we laugh about his total lack of talent. Jun rescues him and I smirk because that’s precisely why he asked him to do the meal. And when I see the adoring smile of Masaki I can’t help but smirking. I turns the head and Ninomiya is smiling too, his eyes straight on me. He turns quickly the head but my heart skipped a beat. What’s with him and why does it embarrass me?!
We eat, we chat, Nino plays guitar -okay he’s a great musician - and after, it’s horror story time like always.
I’m not very good for the horror stuffs contrary to Oh-chan. Jun is not brave too but he manages to hide it in front of Masaki. We lay down in our sleeping bag and Nino keeps the fire going.
When it’s high enough in the fireplace he slides into it at his turn and if he listens to the stories, he keeps his mouth shut.
I should fall asleep because when I open my eyes, it’s pitch dark.
And..I’m awake by a mouth on mine. It’s just a feeling though. Am I dreaming? Someone is brushing his lips against mine. I’m on my back and the kisser is above me, his upper lip is on my lower lip and I can’t move...or rather I don’t want to. I’m unable to think about the fact that it’ s one of my friend who’s kissing me gently, it’s too...sweet. His finger is caressing my chin and when he parts my lips, I let him do willingly. He smells so good, a mix between the burning wood and the meal we ate tonight. The sweetness of the marshmallow we grilled, the tea we drank too. It’s exhilarating. I kissed some girls in my life but it had nothing to do with this. It’s sensual, somehow so erotic this contact in the dark. I don’t move at all when his tongue caresses mine for the first time but I can’t keep a moan for myself. It feels so damn good. He moves his head slightly and deepen the kiss, digging a huge hole of pleasure in my lower belly. Is it something better than that in the world? In this very moment, I know that it doesn’t. I feel his breathe on my chin, the delicious odour of his neck in my nostrils. I’m dying to touch him to confirm my belief but I don’t want to freak him out. And if he was dreaming? If he wasn’t kissing me but someone else in his dream?
Whatever...I don’t give a shit. So I just let myself go and answer to the kiss. I play with his tongue, I lick his lips and make him groan at his turn and finally caress his cheek from the tip of my finger.
And if I was totally wrong since the beginning? And if my jealousy made me blind to that extent? And if it was me he wanted to know...me he was in love?
I’m about to say his name when he steps back. I don’t hold him back and let him go back to his sleeping bag.
My heart beats fast, my breathe is still short and I keep on my lips the taste of his mouth. I’m so lost and in the same time...so moved. I don’t know how things will happen when the light will be back but for the moment I don’t want to think about it, I just want to be worked up. It’s a new feeling and I don’t want to struggle against it.
~+~
“Do you like him?”
I raise my gaze to the guy in front of me and I blush idiotically. It’s Ohno, the man I probably hate the most in the world. Though...I don’t really hate him I’m just miserably jealous of him. He’s his best friend. He’s the best friend of the man I’m in love with.
I was transferred at the beginning of the year in this high school and the very first day I ran into him. Sakurai Sho. I was lost in the corridors and he helped me. I’m pretty sure that today he doesn’t even remind it because I’m clearly the invisible man for him.
He’s smart, handsome, delegate of the students, good in sports and in class. In other words, the perfect guy.
I guess that’s why he helped me. He didn’t even realize the effect he have on me. I don’t exactly remember this only time we have been together but I think I didn’t open my mouth except for the usual greetings formula. I wasn’t prepare to fall in love at the first sight, I didn’t know I could fall in love with a man so I didn’t really know how to react.
He became my obsession. I followed him without really thinking about it, he just became the only center of my school life. The hour he arrives at school, his class schedule, his lunch with his three friends...soon I became the guy who knew him the best. Even if, I was aware that I knew nothing about his real character. What did he loves, who he loved, what kind of things moved him….I only knew the image he showed to the world but I was not dumb enough to imagine there were nothing more to learn about him. It was so painful to be a shadow, so far from him but I wasn’t brave enough to confess so I kept my secret for myself. Until that day.
Ohno is looking at me, with this strange unfathomable gaze he always have.
“Who are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about Sho-kun. You’re always behind us and I don’t think it’s for me. Ne?”
“I...I...no kidding?”
“I can help you if you want...with him I mean.”
I simply shake my head negatively after lowering my head. I’m pitiful but I just can’t. And if he was just mocking me? He shrugs his shoulder and walks away. Fuck. And if I was missing my first and only chance to approach him? My feet are moving by themselves and I grab Ohno’s shoulder.
“You’re right. I...I’m in love with him.”
He smiles gently to me and he pats my shoulder.
“You can ask me anything about him, I’ll tell you.”
I don’t know why he’s so friendly with me, why he accepts to make me penetrate his circle of friends, but soon I learn to know Matsumoto and Aiba too. They are great and don’t treat me as if I was the newbie in their group. The only problem is that Sho hates me. He sees me like an enemy, a bother in their little group and several times I try to run away. It’s hard to be far from him, but be hated by him is far worst. But each time, Ohno brings me back. “He’s made for you, he just doesn’t know it for the moment, give him some times.” He talks to me about him, about their common childhood, about his flaws and his qualities and I figure out how much I love him better thanks to him. I have the sensation to live a love relationship on my own it’s a pretty strange feeling but somehow it’s a feeling I cherish secretly.
“When will you confess to him?” Asks Masaki as we’re on the baseball field, watching the guys playing.
“Never. What for?”
“To feel relieve perhaps?”
“He hates me, you know it. Unrequited love is painful but less than a total and frank reject. I’m not that maso…and you?”
“Me what?”
“With Jun-kun?”
“It’s not...as if we were in love, we’re just...it’s complicated, it’s a kind of privileged friendship, you get it?”
“Friends don’t do what you’re doing together.”
“There are all kind of friends.”
“So, you’re the weird kind.”
We laughs and it’s comfortable to have a friend like him to talk even if I’m sure he suffers from his situation too..
“Oh, by the way, Oh-chan asked you?”
“Ask me what?”
“To come with us this week-end in the mountain.”
He wants to kill me or what?!
“No, no, no way!”
“Of course you’ll come it’s your chance.”
“I can’t! Be with him for two days and one night...absolutely impossible.”
“Fuck Nino! Seize the day. And if he rejects you, we’ll help you. He can be thick sometimes but he’s the most gentle person I ever met. Trust me.”
I don’t add anything. I just nod after a few minutes of reflexion and a three days later we’re together, searching for wood for the fire. My heart is ready to explode and I can’t swallow the knot in my throat.
“For the record I didn’t know you’ll be there.”
He hates me so much. I’m just a burden for him, I spoil his week-end, obviously. Though, it’s not as if I didn’t know it.
“I know. Sorry. Satoshi thought~”
“Satoshi?!”
I regret immediately, I shouldn’t have answered. I try to apologize even if it breaks my heart to be so close and still so far from him.
“Sakurai-kun! Look, if you want me to come back right now in town, I’ll do you just have to ask.”
Please please, let me stay I scream silently.
“Whatever...you can stay since you’re already here I don’t give a shit.Mind your own business, I’ll do mine. Just...don’t get on my way.”
I don’t know if it’s a victory but at least after this scene, he’s less cold with me. He picks up the wood alone and I look at him, waiting a few minutes before following him into the shelter.
That’s the moment I begin to panic.
They put my sleeping bag beside Sho’s and I can’t even think about an entire night next to him. Hearing his breath, smelling his odour, feeling his warmth. I’m gonna burst a vessel, it’s settled.
I try to forget the night to come and take care of the fire, let Masaki playing the useless man to be saved by Jun the blind. They are funny and I really wonder if they are fooled by the other’s act.
I’m amazed to be in the same room than him, to hear him laughing with the others and when he finally crosses my gaze I flush like a moron...crap. I play guitar, I try to show him that I can be nice too and the miracle happens. He seems to accept my presence or rather to forget it.
They are all in their sleeping bag when the horror story session begins but I just can’t lay down next to Sho, despite all the efforts they made to help me. They are too pushy with me and I just can’t. I don’t even know now if I want to be his boyfriend. Would I be able to stand by his side like what...the guy who loves him? Impossible. Not with such a man.
“He’s almost asleep...you can go to sleep..” murmurs Ohno to me.
“I don’t…”
“Everything’s fine. That’s where you wanted to be, right? So go on.”
I just nod and slip in my sleeping bag. I listen the others chatting softly and I watch the fire dying in the fireplace. How many hours are passed since I laid down? I can’t tell but it seems like ages since I can’t smell anything but Sho’s subtle cologne, I can’t hear anything but Sho’s slight snore, since I can’t breathe easily, too agitated to control the beatings of my heart.
I move slowly and feel his head near mine, I never been so close to him.
If I dare…
I roll onto my stomach to observe him closer. He’s much handsome like that... if it’s possible. He sounds so quiet, so peaceful I can’t help smiling idiotically. It’s freaking out how much I can be a total weirdo with him, I’m far more hooked than I think. I touch his cheek in a ghost stroke and he smiles gently to me. I close my eyes and lean to him very carefully until our lips are so close that I could kiss him with a pout.
I could, it’s true. His mouth is so beautiful, so kissable.
Fuck.
I half close my eyelids and I brush his lips in the most tender way.
One time then two and I’m drunk. I’m in heaven in this shelter, in the total darkness, nothing exists in the world except him and I.
I put my finger on his chin and he opens his mouth to give me an access I didn’t dare to claim. I caress his tongue with mine, kissing him like I never kissed anybody. But right now I’m not thinking about anything I let myself go and when he moans in my mouth, I move to deepen our contact. I know it will never happen again, I know that tomorrow he will have the feeling that it was just a dream, so I enjoy, it’s the time of my life, I’m pleasuring him and I’m convinced I could live the rest of my life here, lost in our kiss. But...he breaks it, he wants to say something and I panic, I lay down and close my eyes firmly, my heart ready to explode.
I don’t know what the morning will bring to me but I smile wide in the dark, happy to have seize the day and stole a kiss to the man I love.
When I finally wake up the sun is high in the sky and I’m all alone. I try to remember the moment I fell asleep and I touch my lips still feeling the lingering trace of our kiss. I smile and stretch then I stand up. I roll my sleeping bag and put it with the others then look for the guys.
“Yo Nino!” Shouts Masaki joyfully. The night seems to have been good for him too. “Jun is trying to call our parents and Satoshi-kun is with Sho-chan. He was pretty...moved.”
“Moved?”
“Happy. What did you do to him?”
“I...I did nothing at all.”
He begins to laugh, I feel the blush on my cheeks and it’s worst when Satoshi and Sho come back together. Satoshi come to me and hug me. I stare at Sho immediately and he turns his head modestly…or is he angry?
I push Ohno but he drags me behind him to give me something to eat. We don’t really talk about the night but I’m sure he knows. I’m lost in my fantasy, thinking and thinking over about this so sweet kiss we shared. I avoid Sho clearly but as we’re going back in town he slows down his pace and eventually walks by my side. I look elsewhere, the trees, my feet, the sky, anything but him. So much that I don’t see a twisted root on the pathway and fall ridiculously.
“Nino!” He grabs my wrist and I totally forget to breathe, I don’t even think about my bleeding knees, my painful ankle, I just feel the burn of his hand on my arm and the care in his eyes.
“Everything’s fine?” Asks Jun far away from us. “Do you need help?”
“No, go on, I’ll take care of him.” He turns to me and “ Jump on my back.”
Holly fuck, certainly not!
“I...can walk it’s nothing, only a scratch.”
“Just listen to me. Go on.”
He kneels in front of me and I have no choice but to grab his neck and wrap myself around him. Ohno grips my backpack and runs to catch up the two others.
He’s warm under me, I feel his hand under my knees, his back against my stomach and I don’t dare to stuck to him like I’m dying to.
“You gonna fall, Come closer. Here.” He catches my arms and pulls them gently.
I do what I’m told and feel my heart beating fast in my chest against his back. I’m sure he can hear it too. My face is close to his and I could kiss his cheek if I was bold enough.
“You were more daring last night.” He murmurs under tone.
I blush and shamelessly hide my face at his neck, closing my eyes.
That's all folks! See you soon!
