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wendyjolyTitle: My so-called Love Life
Authors:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
wendyjoly (Sho's POV) & sky_fish7 (Nino's POV)
Genre: Romance, Human Drama, Angst, AU (the ages and character relationships are different from usual, for example Nino and Jun are half-brothers in here while Nino is the younger brother)
Warnings: misunderstandings, more precice warnings later on; lots of flashbacks (we added lines with exact places and dates to help you keeping up with the timeline)
Type: Multichapter (20 chapters written in turns, switching POV)
Rating: PG-13 – NC-17
Fandom/s: Arashi (main), mentioned also members of V6, Kanjani8 and other Johnny's groups as well as some Japanese actors/actresses
Pairing/s: main: Sakumiya (Sakurai x Ninomiya), side: Juntoshi (Matsumoto x Ohno), Ikumiya (Ikuta x Ninomiya); mentioned: Ikuba (Ikuta x Aiba), Okada Junichi x Miyazaki Aoi,...
Summary:
Even if Nino doesn't believe in true love, he's happy to hear that his older brother Jun is going to marry his long-year boyfriend Ohno. He even takes over the job of his brother's best man happily. That is, until he finds out that Sho - Ohno's best friend and Jun's colleague at work - who had played a big role in Nino's past before they broke apart, will be his partner to organize the wedding. Will they manage to forget their common past or grab the occasion to fix their broken and tumultuous relationship?
Chapter 12
Sho really tried to not think too much about the kiss they exchanged in the elevator. But for so many reasons it was impossible.
At first, it hurt his good conscience.
He kissed someone else’s boyfriend and he hated that. Generally speaking, he especially hated the fact that Nino had a girlfriend, but actually it was pretty obvious and ordinary for a man of his age. Not a second Sho hoped to find a single man, ready to be seduced by his old flame. He didn’t believe in Santa Claus anymore…who would be idiotic enough to long for somebody after so many years? Except him, yeah. He knew that Nino had someone and yet he didn’t manage to control his desire more than 3 hours in a row. He felt pitiful and pathetic.
Sho had the feeling to take advantage of the sudden weakness of Nino to quench the insane thirst he still had for him. If the latter didn’t reject him, it didn’t help to appease Sho’s tortured mind. When they were younger he had more than his share of this damn guiltiness and still today he had the feeling of being punished for those years spent at heaven’s door. Being in love with a man he couldn’t have, couldn’t touch or even see was like living in hell. And now he had to live by his side, finally separated from Aoi but knowing that Nino was already taken. What an irony.
This wedding of his best friends was a new test he had to succeed and to be honest, he wasn’t sure at all to be able to keep his mouth shut until the ceremony. As long as Aoi was in his life it was easy. He had to hide his feelings as it was matter of fact. But now that they were about to divorce nothing should hold him back, he could confess the love he always felt for Nino. Would it help him to find some peace of mind? He couldn’t bet on it. Sometimes, truth hurt far more than a lie, he knew that.
But the kiss… it had been wonderful and it was another reason for his anger. How could Nino be such a wonderful kisser, why was it so intense when Nino felt nothing else than distrust for him? He could be seduced so easily, he was still so sensual, it drove Sho crazy. Like at that time, he was so fast to abandon himself in Sho's arms.
When they were together the question haunted Sho endlessly. If Nino had met someone else, another friend of Jun, maybe a girl, would he still have chosen Sho to be his first lover? Certainly not. And now that he was with that Nana girl, was he faithful to her? Sho refused to think about it or it would drive him mad once again. It was senseless, thought the man, to be so indifferent about the lover of his own wife and to be so jealous about his former lover’s hypothetical affairs.
When they returned to the main floor after the elevator incident he had been so full of hope, still on a cloud that the sudden reminiscence of this girl’s existence popping in his head devastated him.
Should he call her too to tell her that Nino felt sick? He was about to ask but he thought that if it was necessary, Nino would do it himself. It would definitely be too awkward, wouldn't it? Did Nino speak his name in front of her? Did he tell her that he liked men before, that his first lover was no one else than his brother’s friend, his job partner at the hospital? He sincerely hoped that Nino kept the secret. It belonged to their common past, sharing it with his actual lover would soil this cherished memory. Aoi knew about it, but that was different. She was Sho's best friend and more than once she comforted him when Nino had broken his heart.
Sho had barely slept the night following the elevator incident and he finally sent Nino a mail to be sure that he was fine. In spite of the years apart, he still felt the need to make sure that Nino was fine. What an idiot he was. Under a fallacious pretext he asked him if he felt better but the answer never came.
He had worked all day long, consultation after consultation, meeting after meeting without taking more than ten minutes to grab a bite. He barely saw Jun who was out of town and when he came back home, he had a pleasant surprise of seeing Aoi sitting on the floor among dozens of pictures.
“Welcome back.”
Clover ran to her, licking her cheek before slouching by her side.
“What are you doing?”
Sho took off his knitted jacket and his tie, before sitting on the couch behind his wife. She joined him, a photo album in her hand.
“I’m organizing our photo albums, I’d like to do some copies if you don’t mind.”
“I don’t, but Okada?”
“He will understand,” she said with a nostalgic smile. “Look. This is you and Ohno in High School. What were you doing exactly?”
Sho took the picture displaying two teenagers smiling to the camera in Yankee’s disguise. “It was the school festival, we played the Yankees.”
“I never understood how two so different men could be such good friends.”
“It’s a long story.”
“And this,” she nestled against him and they watched the pictures of their splendid wedding. They had been so unease back then, as if they were ready to run away.
“How was it yesterday? Did you talk to him?” Aoi asked.
“I… we got stuck in an elevator for three hours.”
“No way! So you told him?!”
“Things are complicated,” Sho said as if it was enough to explain the entire situation. “But… we kissed.”
“Way to go!” Aoi chuckled and gazed at him. “Isn’t it?”
“He has a girlfriend.”
“Oh…”
“Yes.”
“But you kissed.”
“He was panicked, it didn’t mean anything for him.”
“Don’t give up, Sho. Or I will feel guilty until the end of my life,” Aoi added maliciously.
“I’ll do my best to ease your conscience.”
“Good boy.”
Sho smiled, ignoring the slight pinch of guiltiness he felt for this white lie. Nothing was possible with Nino and he was perfectly aware of it. He had to keep his distance and leave him alone, it was too late to fix their tumultuous relationship.
“How are you guys?” Sho had never seen his friends together so frequently since the time when they were students. It was unexpectedly fun despite of Jun’s stress.
“We’re fine. But Jun is angry,” Ohno said, while hugging his friend.
“I’m not angry. I’m irritated, it’s different.”
“Tell me,” Sho said, amused.
“My dear fiancé will be sent to Africa for a job.”
“Nat Geo?!”
Ohno nodded and Sho hugged him once more. “It’s great news! When?”
“Next month for about four weeks.”
“Are you fearing for the wedding’s preparations?” Sho asked Jun.
“He’s not, he’s simply afraid that something happens to me,” Ohno snaked his arm around his lover’s waist.
“You can’t pretend that nothing happens out there,” Jun sulked.
“Oh-chan is a cautious man when it’s about work.”
“Anyway, I’m totally confident about the wedding. We still have plenty of time and I’m positive that Nino and you will do a great job.”
“By the way…,” Sho looked around. “Where is he?”
“Late. As always,” Jun groaned.
At least it was a small building, thought Sho, considering the possible after-shock state Nino might still be in from the panic attack, the travel to the highest level would be short. The other arrived five minutes later and without losing time, the future husbands walked into the building.
Sho approached the new incomer slowly. “Did you get my mail? I wasn’t sure if I got the correct address.”
“Uhm, ah yeah…thanks. It’s the right one, I was just too busy with work to answer, sorry.”
It was disappointing somehow but Sho couldn’t pretend that their relationship allowed him to request an answer. Nino was certainly still embarrassed and perhaps angry?
“Guys, what are you doing? Come on!”
They entered the building and Nino followed Jun and Ohno to the elevator but when the doors slid open, he stepped back.
“I’ll take the stairs if you don’t mind. I am lacking of exercise lately, I’ll meet you up there,” he said.
Jun looked at Sho, surprised and Sho frowned. Did he have the right to be worried for Nino? He had decided to keep his distance with him but if Nino kept on being so touchy and waking up his protective side, it would become very complicated…
Without thinking further, he followed him.
“Nino wait! You have problems with the elevator, right?” Sho caught up to Nino and gently put his hand on his arm. “Don’t worry, it happens after a panic attack.”
He tried to be as reassuring as possible, hoping that Nino would accept to come back to the elevator with him. If he didn’t face his fear now, he would let time pass by and only God knew when he would be able to ride in one again. As a friend, as a doctor, Sho wanted to help Nino.
“You need to get used to riding the elevator again. As soon as possible.”
“I know!” Nino eructed and turned his heel, taking the stairs resolutely.
Before Sho could react, the man suddenly fell and then, he was moaning with pain. Sho ran to him and immediately checked his ankle which Nino seemed to have sprained, but fortunately, he wasn’t seriously hurt.
“Gosh, you’re still so careless! You have to take care about yourself, Nino!”
Sho was so angry with himself suddenly. Again, he had been so afraid for Nino, how could he keep his distance if he persisted to be so careless?! Impossible. Jun entered the stairwell some floors above to ask them to hurry and Sho yelled a bit more. Out of mind and without asking for permission, he put his arm around Nino’s waist to help him to climb the stairs.
“You are really clumsy,” Sho repeated again and again.
Falling down the stairs, was that better than taking a damn elevator?! He wanted to piggy back him at first but he knew that Nino wouldn’t endure it, he sounded so furious with him. Sho knew, he was too emotional, that his behavior was unreasonable but he figured out deep in his heart, he blamed Nino.
If he didn’t leave the country so precipitously years ago, if he had listened to Sho, if he had accepted to stay with him, Sho would have protected him like he promised. He would have been by his side when he had fallen deep, he would have been here when his father passed away… he would have kept away the terror that Nino surely was feeling now.
But Nino preferred falling down the stairs and worrying him. Nino preferred this damned Nana girl. Sho felt Nino’s heart beating against his own ribcage, he felt his warmth against him and his heart constricted. He forgot how being in love with Nino was painful. How physically painful it was not to touch him, not to be allowed to kiss him when he was dying to do so.
“I can walk by myself,” Nino said, once on the workshop’s threshold, visibly embarrassed that Ohno and his brother took this kind of tender gesture from Sho for granted.
“You know, years are passing by but you’re still the little brother of the bunch,” Sho said in an undertone while Jun shook the stylist’s hand. He saw Nino blushing again, opening the mouth to argue once more but Sho stepped forward at his turn to greet the stylist.
“Do you have something in particular in mind? We have a lot of choices for men. This is a man-man wedding isn’t it?”
“Exactly. Actually I consulted your website and I made a list,” Jun said, taking out a bloc note.
Nino chuckled nervously while Sho laughed out loud quickly followed by Ohno. Jun looked at them ominously.
“Sorry Babe, it’s irresistible. You’re so cute… in a creepy way,” Ohno said patting Jun’s head. The latter grinned and handed the list to the stylist.
“I see. Would you like to try some suits? Separately to preserve the surprise?”
“I’ll be with Ohno and you can help Jun?” Sho proposed to Nino who nodded in agreement.
The stylist took care of Jun first, seemingly he knew who would be the most difficult to satisfy. Sho and Ohno wandered around the large fitting room, admiring the numerous and classy suits hung on the wall.
“What would you like?” Sho asked, taking a glance at his friend.
“Something light-colored? Jun is pretty traditional, he will surely go with a white suit, right?”
Sho grinned gently. “You’re amazing, you know? You know each other so well, you’re so different but so… benevolent regarding the other.”
“We’re a couple for years…,” Ohno shrugged with an embarrassed smirk.
“That’s not the only reason. Lots of couple are splitting up after years, ignoring what united them before. But you two are different. You’ve become closer with the years.”
Sho didn’t mention about Aoi and him, obviously, but Ohno sent him a smile full of compassion.
“And I’m glad about your contract with Nat Geo, it’s a dream come true, right?”
“It is. Thanks.”
“Who would have thought that we would be here together one day?” Sho said with nostalgia. They were so different, Aoi was right and they weren’t that talkative, their friendship was kind of a miracle after so much time.
“Stop it already or I’m gonna cry. I tend to cry for nothing nowadays so if you begin to talk about High School…”
“Okay, okay, my bad. So this suit? Grey pearl?”
“It will be perfect.”
The stylist came back to them after a moment and raved about Ohno’s perfect body, turning around like a shark around a safety boat, pretending he could be a model.
“I bet you told this to his future husband too, isn’t it?” Sho mocked him but the man was dead serious.
“Indeed. And according to my humble opinion, you and the other best man could be too. It will be such a pleasure to dress you all!”
Ohno tried a suit and Sho took advantage of the moment of freedom to sneak into the other fitting room. Ohno was right, Jun was wearing a white suit and Nino was nowhere to be seen.
“What do you think about it?” Jun asked eyeing his silhouette in the mirror.
“I like it. It fits you very well, it’s very… wedding-like and Oh-chan will love it. Where is your brother?”
“He’s trying a suit,” Jun pointed at the cubicle behind him.
“Did he~”
When Sho turned the head, Nino opened the curtain and appeared in a dark grey suit, with a blue tie untied on his white shirt, looking gorgeous. Sho swallowed hard, trying in vain to remember what he was about to say.
“Sho? Sho!”
“Ah yes, what?” Sho whirled around to face Jun.
“What were you about to say?”
“I…whatever.”
“Did you try something?”
“No, I wanted to discuss with Nino before deciding on our suits.”
“You’re right. Nino? Show me,” Jun walked to his brother tying his necktie automatically before stepping back to admire him. “You’re very beautiful. Right, Sho?”
“He is. Indeed,” Sho mumbled awkwardly.
“Here,” Jun handed him a similar suit, not totally alike but in the same nuance of grey.
Sho took it and went back to Ohno who had the stylist at his feet.
“The legs are a bit too long but it’s really splendid!” The man drooled, noticeably under a spell.
Sho passed by and hid himself in the cubicle, taking advantage of the curtain to pull himself together. He shouldn’t be that disturbed, it had to cease and the sooner the better.
“Do you need some help?” The stylist asked and Sho tsk-ed. This man was definitely too invasive and yeah, too aggressive for him.
He put on the pants and the jacket, struggling nervously with the necktie. The curtain moved again and Sho groaned against the zealous artist, grabbing the material to keep it in place when it was Nino who barged into the cubicle.
“I thought you would need help. For the necktie… you know,” Nino pointed at the necktie hanging loosely around Sho's neck. “But perhaps, did you learn?”
“I… no I still don’t know how to do it. If you don’t mind.”
Nino skillfully took the two sides of the material and began to knot the necktie, looking down, his eyes focused on his task.
“I’m sorry…,” Sho whispered, his heart manhandled by this unexpected proximity.
“What for?”
“For still being helpless with a necktie.”
“I don’t mind.”
“For earlier in the stairs, I yelled at you.”
Nino chuckled and pulled up Sho’s collar to slide the necktie. “I’m used to it. You yell at me each time I’m in danger. It’s your way to be protective. I guess.”
“You’re right,” Sho admitted with a gentle smile. “I’m sorry for the kiss too.”
“Don’t. I know it didn’t mean anything, you just tried to comfort me.”
Holy God, why was it so hard to convey his feelings, thought Sho. “I feel bad for your girlfriend. You don’t have to tell her, you know.”
“My girlfriend?”
“That Nana girl.”
“What?” Nino chuckled. “Nana isn’t my girlfriend, Sho!”
“She’s not?!” Okay, his reaction was a bit bold and a bit too revealing but Sho was so happy to hear that.
“She’s my friend, my best friend and my colleague too. But no… she’s not.”
An awkward silence fell between the two men. Perhaps it was his lucky day, thought Sho, he lost so many time before, already.
“Nino, I~”
“Gentlemen?”
The irritating stylist disturbed them again and Sho was about to gently send him to hell when Nino took advantage of it to leave the cubicle. He was always so talented in running away at the best time…
In the end, as expected, Ohno was willing to try absolutely everything the stylist was ready to propose and if Nino and Sho weren’t there, only God knew what he would have tempted. They finally selected four suits, one for each of them and when they exited the shop, Nino walked to the stairs again but Sho grabbed his arm firmly, dragging him to the elevator.
“Don’t give up, Nino. I’ll be there, all you have to do is focusing on something positive. We already did it, the both of us. If you can take it, you can make it, remember?”
Nino’s face flushed suddenly and he didn’t even struggle when he felt Sho gently grabbing his elbow to lead him to the damn elevator for a new ride.
“Sho, are you daydreaming?”
“Ah, no, sorry Jun.”
Sho came back to his bench-top, cautiously pouring the solution just created by Jun. Protected by the thick glasses they watched the liquid maturing and changing color.
“Tell me… this ugly green is normal, right?” Sho said skeptically.
“Didn’t you ask for a wit-sharpening potion?”
“Put away your cauldron, Harry Potter…,” Sho smirked, mocking Jun’s addiction for the wonderful Wizard World of Harry Potter.
“If you can zero in our chemistry lesson for more than ten minutes, I’ll probably be able to do that too.”
“I am focused.”
“Sho, are you in love?” Jun asked out of the blue, breaking the implicit rule of respecting the private life between them. “Satoshi doesn’t want to answer so… you know it’s not that I mind but please, please don’t drag our partnership down because of a girl.”
Sho tilted his head, wondering if telling Jun the truth like he was dying to, would be the solution. But to tell what? He couldn’t say, he was Nino’s boyfriend, their relationship wasn’t that defined, it was complicated. They still kissed, they watched some movies and slept together in the same bed from time to time, like they already did before the holidays in Switzerland and they made love too but they had two perfectly separated lives.
Nino had High School and now college, his music and perhaps friends and Sho had university, his family and a fiancé. Those two universes never met, expect from their studying sessions and when they met secretly, what for, Sho tended to think. Not once, Nino asked for a commitment, not once Sho confessed.
Yet, he smiled for himself, thinking of the wonderful night they spent three days ago.
Months passed, the situation was harder to withstand for the older and when Nino’s birthday approached, he decided to make a move. Then, finally it came. But Nino wasn’t at home and Sho came back to his apartment to discover Jun and his own roommate making out in his kitchen. He screamed and exited the flat rapidly, horrified and somehow amused by his friends’ inventiveness. He sent a message to Aoi and she accepted to meet him in a little coffee shop on the campus. She recently started university and she loved her student life. Sho hoped, it would ease his difficult task.
They talked a lot, exchanging latest news (they rarely found time for this kind of outing) and Aoi touched the subject first.
“What happened, Sho?”
“I… I met someone and I’m in love.”
She reached out and caressed his hand. “It’s great news!!”
“You think so? And what about us? Our wedding?”
“We still have three years ahead at least. Who knows where we will be in three years? Enjoy this love story.”
“I don’t know if it’s a love story, you know, we never confessed.”
“So make the first move. Perhaps it is only he is shy? Try your luck.”
“And if he rejects me?”
“…I guess… you’ll know. It’s better than ignoring the truth, right?”
“You’re right, thanks. I’ll do that. I wanted to make something for his birthday today, but he’s not at home.”
“Who said you couldn’t celebrate someone’s birthday a few days later?”
After Jun told him that Nino was at college this Saturday to work on some project together with his colleagues from a course, Sho was waiting for Nino in front of the campus to pick him up. His heart was beating hectically. He blamed himself for being so emotional, so hopelessly romantic. But Nino managed to reveal a totally previously ignored side of his personality.
Nino exited the college building with two girls, one of them holding his arm as if he was more than a mere comrade. Sho shut down the pinch of jealousy, which was increasingly frequent since Nino entered his life. He stepped forward and when he crossed Nino’s gaze the latter smiled and crossed the street to join him on the sidewalk after a quick wave to the girls.
“We had a lesson today?” Nino asked surprised.
“Nope. But it was your birthday yesterday, I thought we could celebrate.”
“Celebrate?!”
“Absolutely. Jun and Oh-chan are busy tonight so… I’ll drive you home and then you will leave your bag and dress a bit more casually so that we can head elsewhere, okay?”
Nino nodded enthusiastically and less than ten minutes later they were passing the threshold of Nino and Jun's apartment. Nino tossed his shoes into a corner and put his arms around Sho’s neck to kiss him eagerly. Sho pushed him gently.
“If you begin this way, we will never go anywhere. Go now, I’ll wait for you.”
He didn’t miss the look of disappointment but Sho knew he was right. For once he wanted a real outing, not only a sex session… even if he had to struggle to not lay Nino down right here and right now. Truth to be said, he couldn’t get enough of his body and it frightened him. How could he be so sure that it was not only desire that he felt for him?
“Where are we going?” Nino asked, getting ready his things in the living room.
“It’s a surprise.”
Sho thought a lot about the ideal place to go and he figured out that he had zero imagination. Where the couples went for a date? He had called his joker, Aoi and she mocked him, suggesting a place that every young couple would visit once.
“An aquarium? Really?!” Nino turned around, arching an eyebrow.
“Did you already visit it?”
“With school once.”
“Oh… we could go somewhere else if you want, perh~”
Nino laughed and grabbed Sho’s wrist to drag him inside. The place was almost empty, with only some young couples (like Aoi said) and old people taking their daily walk along the covered corridors. It was spectacular and for a long time, they wandered inside the maze-like tunnels where they could observe the fishes from beneath.
Sho ignored almost everything about the fishes but he was talented in following a map and after about an hour they sat on a bench, facing a giant fish tank. Sho opened his back pack and handed a small package to Nino.
“Melon pan?”
“A birthday cake didn’t fit in my back pack,” Sho whispered and Nino pecked his lips taking advantage of the emptiness of the place.
“Don’t do that Nino.”
“Why?”
“We’re not alone. What if someone who knows us sees us?”
Nino looked around, skimming the unoccupied room.
“There are cameras all around,” Sho pointed out.
“Oh.”
“Let’s go,” Sho said, rising to exit the place. “So what are we doing now?”
“I thought you planned everything?” Nino arched an eyebrow.
“I left a room for improvisation…”
“I can ask for anything?”
“You can ask for anything.”
Sho wondered what Nino would wish for. Probably going back home to spend a lazy, sexy evening.
“I want to ride that,” Nino pointed at the horizon where a huge big wheel drew a shadow on the floor, touching their feet.
“…Okay.”
The younger began to walk faster and Sho followed unwillingly. He was pretty bad with height and Nino knew it. He knew it, right? Like he knew that Nino was bad with confined place. They surely had talked about it... or didn't they? So why are they riding in this traveling coffin?!
Nonetheless, Sho got the tickets and the man at the big wheel closed the door as they took their seats on the bench in a cabin. Nino put his both hands on his knees and looked at Sho straightforwardly. The machine began to move with a big noise of metal and the younger closed his eyes.
“You know I’m really helpless with high places, right?” Sho asked clearly, making Nino jolt.
“Are you?! But why did you accept to climb in then?”
“Because you asked me to… why did you ask?”
“To be alone with you,” Nino said sheepishly.
“Oh God… and now we’re stuck here for… how long?”
“Twenty minutes. At least.”
“Okay,” Sho breathed deeply. “My father always says “If you can take it, you can make it”, let’s keep that in mind.”
“You’re right. Let’s take it.”
“It’s a good idea. Somehow. We could talk to think about something else? You begin?”
Nino was thinking for a moment before he asked. “Do you like being a doctor?”
“Well, technically speaking I am not a doctor yet but yes, it’s a dream I always had. I’d like to help people and that’s basically what doctors are doing. What’s yours?”
“I don’t have any dream for the future,” Nino said firmly, looking outside where the roofs of the house began to appear. “And I’m studying economics to take over my father’s business. Not that I hate the idea but it’s also not as if I have much of a choice.”
“You always have the choice. Your father seems to be a good man, he will allow you to change your major if you ask him.”
“What would I do?”
“Why not something artistic? You’re talented in music and I saw the short movie you created for the High School festival, it was great.”
Nino jerked and gazed at Sho. “You think?”
“I’m positive.”
“What kind of movie was it?” Nino smirked.
“…The samurai movie? Something with a very stoic character.”
Nino burst out laughing and Sho felt a weight falling off his shoulders. As long as he didn’t look at the scenery outside, as long as he was with Nino, he could control his fears.
“I’m not that stoic,” murmured Nino with a seductive smile.
Sho leaned forward and put his two hands on Nino’s thighs before kissing him gently, unable to resist longer. “With you, I’m not either.”
Nino moaned into the kiss and moved a bit to lean against the backrest, clearly inviting Sho to a deeper exploration.
“Are we…,” whispered Nino, his eyes blurred by a desire he couldn’t hide, “Alone here?”
Sho rubbed the already firm bulge misshaping Nino’s pants and the latter gulped desperately.
“Was it your plan?” Sho murmured against his lover’s lips.
Nino shook his head quickly, yet opening his thighs wider despite of himself, seeking for a stronger caress. Sho kissed him again, opening his lips to allow his tongue to play with Nino’s, enjoying his muffled groans of pleasure. He slowly knelt down onto the floor between Nino’s parted legs without breaking the suffocating kiss. He used his both hands to quickly free his lover’s erection from the confining clothing, smiling as it sprang between his thighs.
“Now show me your stoic resistance, Samurai,” Sho whispered.
A condom magically appeared from his pocket, which he unfolded without a look onto Nino’s shaft. He lowered his head and licked the length of it slowly, sensually. Nino caught his breath with a gasp when Sho took him into his mouth. Nino moaned and arched his back up into Sho’s hand as he swirled his tongue around the head of Nino’s long, straight erection and swallowed him down.
Sho smiled and released him only to recapture the swollen head with his lips and strum the delicate underside with his tongue. He observed Nino’s face from beneath, his own desire fed by the look of ecstasy he could read from it. He resumed his administrations with Nino caressing his hair, calling his name softly.
“We’re going down…,” Nino stuttered.
“So… you should better release quickly or we’ll be found out.”
“Oh God…”
Sho took off the condom and wrapped his hand around the turgescent member, making fast to and fro movement to achieve his goal. Soon, Nino screamed and freed his semen into Sho’s hand, his entire body tensing under the violence of his orgasm.
Sho took out a package of tissue and cleaned the mess they made while Nino was catching his breath with difficulty. He put the softening member back into his shelter of cotton without a word, enjoying this delicious moment of lustful intimacy.
When Sho raised, Nino wrapped his arms around his waist strongly, putting his cheek against Sho's stomach.
“Nino…,” Sho caressed Nino’s hair after a second of confusion, startled by this gesture of tenderness when he almost expected a passionate kiss. “Let’s go back to your place after this.”
They made love all night long, surprised by dawn’s arrival, surprised by the way they couldn’t get enough of each other despite their bruised skins, their sore bodies and the absence of sweet words. These words were stuck in Sho’s throat, laid on the tip of his tongue and once again he blamed himself for his cowardice. Did he have the right to drag Nino into his complicated family life, with the knowledge of what they would have to deal with once the truth was revealed? He would be a pariah among his own people while Nino was craving for nothing else more than for a well-balanced family. He was still so young…
Sho cuddled him and let him slowly catch up with his sleep, promising to himself that he would confess the day he perceive Nino’s behavior to be something else other than a physical desire.
“Sho, are you in love?” Jun’s voice woke him up from his reverie.
“I… am,” Sho breathed deeply wondering how the other would react when he spoke his brother's name.
“Oh Gosh, that’s the season… Nino is in love too.”
“W…What? With whom?”
“A girl from his college. I came back home sooner, the other day and they were kissing on the couch. I already found condoms a few days ago when I washed his clothes but I didn’t know he had a girlfriend. Did he tell you?”
Sho’s heart constricted painfully. He was the only one who bought condoms usually, it was his prerogative. So if Nino bought these condoms…
“No. He didn’t.”
“But tell me about you? Is it the girl you’re dating? What’s her name… Aoi-chan?”
“I… no it’s someone else.”
“Such a lady killer,” Jun smiled and patted Sho’s shoulder, ignoring that he had just stabbed his friend.
Sho observed Nino exiting the elevator, hiding a smirk of victory. The other didn’t panic even if during the ride Sho could feel Nino's arm slightly trembling against his.
“Well… we have another square to cross out!” Jun said satisfied that things worked so well with the stylist. “I guess it was the last thing we had to do together for now. Satoshi and I have decided to leave the rest to you, except – of course - if you ask for help.”
“Really?!” Sho looked for Nino’s gaze and read the absolutely same expression. Where was the trick?
“My dear future husband asked me to be more lenient. Let’s say, he’s not confident about my faculty to let things go, so this is my personal way to show him that from time to time, I can.”
“Nice proof of love,” Nino mocked him gently.
“So… for the dinner, the band for the party after the wedding ceremony, we leave the rest to you,” Ohno said with a bow.
“This is an honor. We’ll do our best,” Nino bowed at his turn and put on a pair of sunglasses. “I have to go back to the hotel guys. Have a nice day.”
He was still visibly shaken and Sho ran after him, finding him on the sidewalk, hailing a taxi.
“Nino! Wait!”
Nino turned around and putting his hands into the pockets of his coat stood still.
“How was the ride with the elevator?”
“…Better than expected, thanks. Perhaps I will sleep in my apartment again tonight?”
“You didn’t manage to ride your elevator? Why didn’t you call me?” As the question came out from his lips, Sho figured the ridiculousness of the situation. “I mean… you can. Call me.”
“I’ll think about it,” Nino raised the hand again with a skeptical smile. Sho grabbed his wrist.
“I mean it. Really. Call me. The day I promised you I will be there for you, it’s still true.”
Nino sighed irritated.
“Look, Sho… I know your wife left you for someone else but… I’m not a consolation prize. Not anymore. I told you that Nana wasn’t my girlfriend, it doesn’t mean I’m single or that I can be an easy-laid or a sex friend.”
Sho stepped back, his face suddenly closed. “We’ll have to endure each other’s presence for a while, I was simply trying to be polite,” he muttered immediately regretting his detached remark.
“Polite? You definitely are. But making a promise you couldn’t keep isn’t necessary.”
Nino sounded so hurt, so bitter… Sho swallowed hard. “I’m sorry for hurting you. But I always cared about you, I’m sincere.”
“Stop toying me! You can’t barge into my life this way after such a long time. Pretending to fix an unhealthy relationship, reminding me of those moments we spent together, hoping for what? I’m fine! Totally fine. So stop playing the doctor with me, as if all of a sudden everything could be wonderfully right because you appeared to save me. I’m not a teenager anymore.”
“...You’re so hard with me.”
Sho lowered his head to hide the pain he felt with this unexpected burst of honesty. Truth hurt, it was so true. But he couldn’t deny the fact that he was right. Things were too broken to be fixed and the fickle link they had, disappeared the day Nino turned his heel to travel around the world.
“Sorry,” Nino said in an undertone.
“Don’t be, you’re right. I can’t pretend to fix anything and I was very presumptuous to hope that you would need me. This is a mistake I won’t commit anymore.”
“Thanks.”
“Still… we have to do our best men work and if we could at least pretend to get along, Jun would really leave us alone. Nothing personal between us, no more memories, no more inappropriate and unnecessary comforting moments, just the wedding’s preparations. We could work on it separately and, I don’t know, twice a month we could exchange a phone call to see how things are going? I’ll have a conference to attend out of town and I’ll be absent for almost 15 days but...”
“It works for me. If you could find some pictures of Jun and Oh-chan in the meantime, it would help. I thought, we could display pictures of them all around the gallery.”
“The gallery?”
“I contacted the gallery where Oh-chan did his first exhibition to ask if we could use it as location for the wedding party, seems that it still exists…”
“It’s very considerate of you. They will like that.”
“I think so too. I… have to go now.”
“I know. Have a nice day.” Sho smiled awkwardly and whirled around.
“Sho!” Nino suddenly called out. “I’ll call you in 15 days.”
Sho kept on walking and as he was about entering the building again to join Ohno and Jun he changed his mind. He needed a drink. Now.
To be continued…
Authors:
wendyjoly (Sho's POV) & sky_fish7 (Nino's POV)Genre: Romance, Human Drama, Angst, AU (the ages and character relationships are different from usual, for example Nino and Jun are half-brothers in here while Nino is the younger brother)
Warnings: misunderstandings, more precice warnings later on; lots of flashbacks (we added lines with exact places and dates to help you keeping up with the timeline)
Type: Multichapter (20 chapters written in turns, switching POV)
Rating: PG-13 – NC-17
Fandom/s: Arashi (main), mentioned also members of V6, Kanjani8 and other Johnny's groups as well as some Japanese actors/actresses
Pairing/s: main: Sakumiya (Sakurai x Ninomiya), side: Juntoshi (Matsumoto x Ohno), Ikumiya (Ikuta x Ninomiya); mentioned: Ikuba (Ikuta x Aiba), Okada Junichi x Miyazaki Aoi,...
Summary:
Even if Nino doesn't believe in true love, he's happy to hear that his older brother Jun is going to marry his long-year boyfriend Ohno. He even takes over the job of his brother's best man happily. That is, until he finds out that Sho - Ohno's best friend and Jun's colleague at work - who had played a big role in Nino's past before they broke apart, will be his partner to organize the wedding. Will they manage to forget their common past or grab the occasion to fix their broken and tumultuous relationship?
Chapter 12
Chapter 12
Sho's POV
- -Tokyo, Sunshine Building; January 17, 2015; 10.30 pm - -
Sho's POV
- -Tokyo, Sunshine Building; January 17, 2015; 10.30 pm - -
Sho really tried to not think too much about the kiss they exchanged in the elevator. But for so many reasons it was impossible.
At first, it hurt his good conscience.
He kissed someone else’s boyfriend and he hated that. Generally speaking, he especially hated the fact that Nino had a girlfriend, but actually it was pretty obvious and ordinary for a man of his age. Not a second Sho hoped to find a single man, ready to be seduced by his old flame. He didn’t believe in Santa Claus anymore…who would be idiotic enough to long for somebody after so many years? Except him, yeah. He knew that Nino had someone and yet he didn’t manage to control his desire more than 3 hours in a row. He felt pitiful and pathetic.
Sho had the feeling to take advantage of the sudden weakness of Nino to quench the insane thirst he still had for him. If the latter didn’t reject him, it didn’t help to appease Sho’s tortured mind. When they were younger he had more than his share of this damn guiltiness and still today he had the feeling of being punished for those years spent at heaven’s door. Being in love with a man he couldn’t have, couldn’t touch or even see was like living in hell. And now he had to live by his side, finally separated from Aoi but knowing that Nino was already taken. What an irony.
This wedding of his best friends was a new test he had to succeed and to be honest, he wasn’t sure at all to be able to keep his mouth shut until the ceremony. As long as Aoi was in his life it was easy. He had to hide his feelings as it was matter of fact. But now that they were about to divorce nothing should hold him back, he could confess the love he always felt for Nino. Would it help him to find some peace of mind? He couldn’t bet on it. Sometimes, truth hurt far more than a lie, he knew that.
But the kiss… it had been wonderful and it was another reason for his anger. How could Nino be such a wonderful kisser, why was it so intense when Nino felt nothing else than distrust for him? He could be seduced so easily, he was still so sensual, it drove Sho crazy. Like at that time, he was so fast to abandon himself in Sho's arms.
When they were together the question haunted Sho endlessly. If Nino had met someone else, another friend of Jun, maybe a girl, would he still have chosen Sho to be his first lover? Certainly not. And now that he was with that Nana girl, was he faithful to her? Sho refused to think about it or it would drive him mad once again. It was senseless, thought the man, to be so indifferent about the lover of his own wife and to be so jealous about his former lover’s hypothetical affairs.
When they returned to the main floor after the elevator incident he had been so full of hope, still on a cloud that the sudden reminiscence of this girl’s existence popping in his head devastated him.
Should he call her too to tell her that Nino felt sick? He was about to ask but he thought that if it was necessary, Nino would do it himself. It would definitely be too awkward, wouldn't it? Did Nino speak his name in front of her? Did he tell her that he liked men before, that his first lover was no one else than his brother’s friend, his job partner at the hospital? He sincerely hoped that Nino kept the secret. It belonged to their common past, sharing it with his actual lover would soil this cherished memory. Aoi knew about it, but that was different. She was Sho's best friend and more than once she comforted him when Nino had broken his heart.
- - Tokyo, Sakurai House; January 18, 2015; 10 pm - -
Sho had barely slept the night following the elevator incident and he finally sent Nino a mail to be sure that he was fine. In spite of the years apart, he still felt the need to make sure that Nino was fine. What an idiot he was. Under a fallacious pretext he asked him if he felt better but the answer never came.
He had worked all day long, consultation after consultation, meeting after meeting without taking more than ten minutes to grab a bite. He barely saw Jun who was out of town and when he came back home, he had a pleasant surprise of seeing Aoi sitting on the floor among dozens of pictures.
“Welcome back.”
Clover ran to her, licking her cheek before slouching by her side.
“What are you doing?”
Sho took off his knitted jacket and his tie, before sitting on the couch behind his wife. She joined him, a photo album in her hand.
“I’m organizing our photo albums, I’d like to do some copies if you don’t mind.”
“I don’t, but Okada?”
“He will understand,” she said with a nostalgic smile. “Look. This is you and Ohno in High School. What were you doing exactly?”
Sho took the picture displaying two teenagers smiling to the camera in Yankee’s disguise. “It was the school festival, we played the Yankees.”
“I never understood how two so different men could be such good friends.”
“It’s a long story.”
“And this,” she nestled against him and they watched the pictures of their splendid wedding. They had been so unease back then, as if they were ready to run away.
“How was it yesterday? Did you talk to him?” Aoi asked.
“I… we got stuck in an elevator for three hours.”
“No way! So you told him?!”
“Things are complicated,” Sho said as if it was enough to explain the entire situation. “But… we kissed.”
“Way to go!” Aoi chuckled and gazed at him. “Isn’t it?”
“He has a girlfriend.”
“Oh…”
“Yes.”
“But you kissed.”
“He was panicked, it didn’t mean anything for him.”
“Don’t give up, Sho. Or I will feel guilty until the end of my life,” Aoi added maliciously.
“I’ll do my best to ease your conscience.”
“Good boy.”
Sho smiled, ignoring the slight pinch of guiltiness he felt for this white lie. Nothing was possible with Nino and he was perfectly aware of it. He had to keep his distance and leave him alone, it was too late to fix their tumultuous relationship.
Tokyo, Harakuju; 19, January, 2015; 09.30
“How are you guys?” Sho had never seen his friends together so frequently since the time when they were students. It was unexpectedly fun despite of Jun’s stress.
“We’re fine. But Jun is angry,” Ohno said, while hugging his friend.
“I’m not angry. I’m irritated, it’s different.”
“Tell me,” Sho said, amused.
“My dear fiancé will be sent to Africa for a job.”
“Nat Geo?!”
Ohno nodded and Sho hugged him once more. “It’s great news! When?”
“Next month for about four weeks.”
“Are you fearing for the wedding’s preparations?” Sho asked Jun.
“He’s not, he’s simply afraid that something happens to me,” Ohno snaked his arm around his lover’s waist.
“You can’t pretend that nothing happens out there,” Jun sulked.
“Oh-chan is a cautious man when it’s about work.”
“Anyway, I’m totally confident about the wedding. We still have plenty of time and I’m positive that Nino and you will do a great job.”
“By the way…,” Sho looked around. “Where is he?”
“Late. As always,” Jun groaned.
At least it was a small building, thought Sho, considering the possible after-shock state Nino might still be in from the panic attack, the travel to the highest level would be short. The other arrived five minutes later and without losing time, the future husbands walked into the building.
Sho approached the new incomer slowly. “Did you get my mail? I wasn’t sure if I got the correct address.”
“Uhm, ah yeah…thanks. It’s the right one, I was just too busy with work to answer, sorry.”
It was disappointing somehow but Sho couldn’t pretend that their relationship allowed him to request an answer. Nino was certainly still embarrassed and perhaps angry?
“Guys, what are you doing? Come on!”
They entered the building and Nino followed Jun and Ohno to the elevator but when the doors slid open, he stepped back.
“I’ll take the stairs if you don’t mind. I am lacking of exercise lately, I’ll meet you up there,” he said.
Jun looked at Sho, surprised and Sho frowned. Did he have the right to be worried for Nino? He had decided to keep his distance with him but if Nino kept on being so touchy and waking up his protective side, it would become very complicated…
Without thinking further, he followed him.
“Nino wait! You have problems with the elevator, right?” Sho caught up to Nino and gently put his hand on his arm. “Don’t worry, it happens after a panic attack.”
He tried to be as reassuring as possible, hoping that Nino would accept to come back to the elevator with him. If he didn’t face his fear now, he would let time pass by and only God knew when he would be able to ride in one again. As a friend, as a doctor, Sho wanted to help Nino.
“You need to get used to riding the elevator again. As soon as possible.”
“I know!” Nino eructed and turned his heel, taking the stairs resolutely.
Before Sho could react, the man suddenly fell and then, he was moaning with pain. Sho ran to him and immediately checked his ankle which Nino seemed to have sprained, but fortunately, he wasn’t seriously hurt.
“Gosh, you’re still so careless! You have to take care about yourself, Nino!”
Sho was so angry with himself suddenly. Again, he had been so afraid for Nino, how could he keep his distance if he persisted to be so careless?! Impossible. Jun entered the stairwell some floors above to ask them to hurry and Sho yelled a bit more. Out of mind and without asking for permission, he put his arm around Nino’s waist to help him to climb the stairs.
“You are really clumsy,” Sho repeated again and again.
Falling down the stairs, was that better than taking a damn elevator?! He wanted to piggy back him at first but he knew that Nino wouldn’t endure it, he sounded so furious with him. Sho knew, he was too emotional, that his behavior was unreasonable but he figured out deep in his heart, he blamed Nino.
If he didn’t leave the country so precipitously years ago, if he had listened to Sho, if he had accepted to stay with him, Sho would have protected him like he promised. He would have been by his side when he had fallen deep, he would have been here when his father passed away… he would have kept away the terror that Nino surely was feeling now.
But Nino preferred falling down the stairs and worrying him. Nino preferred this damned Nana girl. Sho felt Nino’s heart beating against his own ribcage, he felt his warmth against him and his heart constricted. He forgot how being in love with Nino was painful. How physically painful it was not to touch him, not to be allowed to kiss him when he was dying to do so.
“I can walk by myself,” Nino said, once on the workshop’s threshold, visibly embarrassed that Ohno and his brother took this kind of tender gesture from Sho for granted.
“You know, years are passing by but you’re still the little brother of the bunch,” Sho said in an undertone while Jun shook the stylist’s hand. He saw Nino blushing again, opening the mouth to argue once more but Sho stepped forward at his turn to greet the stylist.
“Do you have something in particular in mind? We have a lot of choices for men. This is a man-man wedding isn’t it?”
“Exactly. Actually I consulted your website and I made a list,” Jun said, taking out a bloc note.
Nino chuckled nervously while Sho laughed out loud quickly followed by Ohno. Jun looked at them ominously.
“Sorry Babe, it’s irresistible. You’re so cute… in a creepy way,” Ohno said patting Jun’s head. The latter grinned and handed the list to the stylist.
“I see. Would you like to try some suits? Separately to preserve the surprise?”
“I’ll be with Ohno and you can help Jun?” Sho proposed to Nino who nodded in agreement.
The stylist took care of Jun first, seemingly he knew who would be the most difficult to satisfy. Sho and Ohno wandered around the large fitting room, admiring the numerous and classy suits hung on the wall.
“What would you like?” Sho asked, taking a glance at his friend.
“Something light-colored? Jun is pretty traditional, he will surely go with a white suit, right?”
Sho grinned gently. “You’re amazing, you know? You know each other so well, you’re so different but so… benevolent regarding the other.”
“We’re a couple for years…,” Ohno shrugged with an embarrassed smirk.
“That’s not the only reason. Lots of couple are splitting up after years, ignoring what united them before. But you two are different. You’ve become closer with the years.”
Sho didn’t mention about Aoi and him, obviously, but Ohno sent him a smile full of compassion.
“And I’m glad about your contract with Nat Geo, it’s a dream come true, right?”
“It is. Thanks.”
“Who would have thought that we would be here together one day?” Sho said with nostalgia. They were so different, Aoi was right and they weren’t that talkative, their friendship was kind of a miracle after so much time.
“Stop it already or I’m gonna cry. I tend to cry for nothing nowadays so if you begin to talk about High School…”
“Okay, okay, my bad. So this suit? Grey pearl?”
“It will be perfect.”
The stylist came back to them after a moment and raved about Ohno’s perfect body, turning around like a shark around a safety boat, pretending he could be a model.
“I bet you told this to his future husband too, isn’t it?” Sho mocked him but the man was dead serious.
“Indeed. And according to my humble opinion, you and the other best man could be too. It will be such a pleasure to dress you all!”
Ohno tried a suit and Sho took advantage of the moment of freedom to sneak into the other fitting room. Ohno was right, Jun was wearing a white suit and Nino was nowhere to be seen.
“What do you think about it?” Jun asked eyeing his silhouette in the mirror.
“I like it. It fits you very well, it’s very… wedding-like and Oh-chan will love it. Where is your brother?”
“He’s trying a suit,” Jun pointed at the cubicle behind him.
“Did he~”
When Sho turned the head, Nino opened the curtain and appeared in a dark grey suit, with a blue tie untied on his white shirt, looking gorgeous. Sho swallowed hard, trying in vain to remember what he was about to say.
“Sho? Sho!”
“Ah yes, what?” Sho whirled around to face Jun.
“What were you about to say?”
“I…whatever.”
“Did you try something?”
“No, I wanted to discuss with Nino before deciding on our suits.”
“You’re right. Nino? Show me,” Jun walked to his brother tying his necktie automatically before stepping back to admire him. “You’re very beautiful. Right, Sho?”
“He is. Indeed,” Sho mumbled awkwardly.
“Here,” Jun handed him a similar suit, not totally alike but in the same nuance of grey.
Sho took it and went back to Ohno who had the stylist at his feet.
“The legs are a bit too long but it’s really splendid!” The man drooled, noticeably under a spell.
Sho passed by and hid himself in the cubicle, taking advantage of the curtain to pull himself together. He shouldn’t be that disturbed, it had to cease and the sooner the better.
“Do you need some help?” The stylist asked and Sho tsk-ed. This man was definitely too invasive and yeah, too aggressive for him.
He put on the pants and the jacket, struggling nervously with the necktie. The curtain moved again and Sho groaned against the zealous artist, grabbing the material to keep it in place when it was Nino who barged into the cubicle.
“I thought you would need help. For the necktie… you know,” Nino pointed at the necktie hanging loosely around Sho's neck. “But perhaps, did you learn?”
“I… no I still don’t know how to do it. If you don’t mind.”
Nino skillfully took the two sides of the material and began to knot the necktie, looking down, his eyes focused on his task.
“I’m sorry…,” Sho whispered, his heart manhandled by this unexpected proximity.
“What for?”
“For still being helpless with a necktie.”
“I don’t mind.”
“For earlier in the stairs, I yelled at you.”
Nino chuckled and pulled up Sho’s collar to slide the necktie. “I’m used to it. You yell at me each time I’m in danger. It’s your way to be protective. I guess.”
“You’re right,” Sho admitted with a gentle smile. “I’m sorry for the kiss too.”
“Don’t. I know it didn’t mean anything, you just tried to comfort me.”
Holy God, why was it so hard to convey his feelings, thought Sho. “I feel bad for your girlfriend. You don’t have to tell her, you know.”
“My girlfriend?”
“That Nana girl.”
“What?” Nino chuckled. “Nana isn’t my girlfriend, Sho!”
“She’s not?!” Okay, his reaction was a bit bold and a bit too revealing but Sho was so happy to hear that.
“She’s my friend, my best friend and my colleague too. But no… she’s not.”
An awkward silence fell between the two men. Perhaps it was his lucky day, thought Sho, he lost so many time before, already.
“Nino, I~”
“Gentlemen?”
The irritating stylist disturbed them again and Sho was about to gently send him to hell when Nino took advantage of it to leave the cubicle. He was always so talented in running away at the best time…
In the end, as expected, Ohno was willing to try absolutely everything the stylist was ready to propose and if Nino and Sho weren’t there, only God knew what he would have tempted. They finally selected four suits, one for each of them and when they exited the shop, Nino walked to the stairs again but Sho grabbed his arm firmly, dragging him to the elevator.
“Don’t give up, Nino. I’ll be there, all you have to do is focusing on something positive. We already did it, the both of us. If you can take it, you can make it, remember?”
Nino’s face flushed suddenly and he didn’t even struggle when he felt Sho gently grabbing his elbow to lead him to the damn elevator for a new ride.
Tokyo Medical University; June 21, 2006; 10:25 am
“Sho, are you daydreaming?”
“Ah, no, sorry Jun.”
Sho came back to his bench-top, cautiously pouring the solution just created by Jun. Protected by the thick glasses they watched the liquid maturing and changing color.
“Tell me… this ugly green is normal, right?” Sho said skeptically.
“Didn’t you ask for a wit-sharpening potion?”
“Put away your cauldron, Harry Potter…,” Sho smirked, mocking Jun’s addiction for the wonderful Wizard World of Harry Potter.
“If you can zero in our chemistry lesson for more than ten minutes, I’ll probably be able to do that too.”
“I am focused.”
“Sho, are you in love?” Jun asked out of the blue, breaking the implicit rule of respecting the private life between them. “Satoshi doesn’t want to answer so… you know it’s not that I mind but please, please don’t drag our partnership down because of a girl.”
Sho tilted his head, wondering if telling Jun the truth like he was dying to, would be the solution. But to tell what? He couldn’t say, he was Nino’s boyfriend, their relationship wasn’t that defined, it was complicated. They still kissed, they watched some movies and slept together in the same bed from time to time, like they already did before the holidays in Switzerland and they made love too but they had two perfectly separated lives.
Nino had High School and now college, his music and perhaps friends and Sho had university, his family and a fiancé. Those two universes never met, expect from their studying sessions and when they met secretly, what for, Sho tended to think. Not once, Nino asked for a commitment, not once Sho confessed.
Yet, he smiled for himself, thinking of the wonderful night they spent three days ago.
Tokyo Medical University Campus Café; June 17, 2006; 4:00 pm
Months passed, the situation was harder to withstand for the older and when Nino’s birthday approached, he decided to make a move. Then, finally it came. But Nino wasn’t at home and Sho came back to his apartment to discover Jun and his own roommate making out in his kitchen. He screamed and exited the flat rapidly, horrified and somehow amused by his friends’ inventiveness. He sent a message to Aoi and she accepted to meet him in a little coffee shop on the campus. She recently started university and she loved her student life. Sho hoped, it would ease his difficult task.
They talked a lot, exchanging latest news (they rarely found time for this kind of outing) and Aoi touched the subject first.
“What happened, Sho?”
“I… I met someone and I’m in love.”
She reached out and caressed his hand. “It’s great news!!”
“You think so? And what about us? Our wedding?”
“We still have three years ahead at least. Who knows where we will be in three years? Enjoy this love story.”
“I don’t know if it’s a love story, you know, we never confessed.”
“So make the first move. Perhaps it is only he is shy? Try your luck.”
“And if he rejects me?”
“…I guess… you’ll know. It’s better than ignoring the truth, right?”
“You’re right, thanks. I’ll do that. I wanted to make something for his birthday today, but he’s not at home.”
“Who said you couldn’t celebrate someone’s birthday a few days later?”
- - Tokyo, Business College Campus; June 18, 2006; 10.25 am - -
After Jun told him that Nino was at college this Saturday to work on some project together with his colleagues from a course, Sho was waiting for Nino in front of the campus to pick him up. His heart was beating hectically. He blamed himself for being so emotional, so hopelessly romantic. But Nino managed to reveal a totally previously ignored side of his personality.
Nino exited the college building with two girls, one of them holding his arm as if he was more than a mere comrade. Sho shut down the pinch of jealousy, which was increasingly frequent since Nino entered his life. He stepped forward and when he crossed Nino’s gaze the latter smiled and crossed the street to join him on the sidewalk after a quick wave to the girls.
“We had a lesson today?” Nino asked surprised.
“Nope. But it was your birthday yesterday, I thought we could celebrate.”
“Celebrate?!”
“Absolutely. Jun and Oh-chan are busy tonight so… I’ll drive you home and then you will leave your bag and dress a bit more casually so that we can head elsewhere, okay?”
Nino nodded enthusiastically and less than ten minutes later they were passing the threshold of Nino and Jun's apartment. Nino tossed his shoes into a corner and put his arms around Sho’s neck to kiss him eagerly. Sho pushed him gently.
“If you begin this way, we will never go anywhere. Go now, I’ll wait for you.”
He didn’t miss the look of disappointment but Sho knew he was right. For once he wanted a real outing, not only a sex session… even if he had to struggle to not lay Nino down right here and right now. Truth to be said, he couldn’t get enough of his body and it frightened him. How could he be so sure that it was not only desire that he felt for him?
“Where are we going?” Nino asked, getting ready his things in the living room.
“It’s a surprise.”
Sho thought a lot about the ideal place to go and he figured out that he had zero imagination. Where the couples went for a date? He had called his joker, Aoi and she mocked him, suggesting a place that every young couple would visit once.
=+=
“An aquarium? Really?!” Nino turned around, arching an eyebrow.
“Did you already visit it?”
“With school once.”
“Oh… we could go somewhere else if you want, perh~”
Nino laughed and grabbed Sho’s wrist to drag him inside. The place was almost empty, with only some young couples (like Aoi said) and old people taking their daily walk along the covered corridors. It was spectacular and for a long time, they wandered inside the maze-like tunnels where they could observe the fishes from beneath.
Sho ignored almost everything about the fishes but he was talented in following a map and after about an hour they sat on a bench, facing a giant fish tank. Sho opened his back pack and handed a small package to Nino.
“Melon pan?”
“A birthday cake didn’t fit in my back pack,” Sho whispered and Nino pecked his lips taking advantage of the emptiness of the place.
“Don’t do that Nino.”
“Why?”
“We’re not alone. What if someone who knows us sees us?”
Nino looked around, skimming the unoccupied room.
“There are cameras all around,” Sho pointed out.
“Oh.”
“Let’s go,” Sho said, rising to exit the place. “So what are we doing now?”
“I thought you planned everything?” Nino arched an eyebrow.
“I left a room for improvisation…”
“I can ask for anything?”
“You can ask for anything.”
Sho wondered what Nino would wish for. Probably going back home to spend a lazy, sexy evening.
“I want to ride that,” Nino pointed at the horizon where a huge big wheel drew a shadow on the floor, touching their feet.
“…Okay.”
The younger began to walk faster and Sho followed unwillingly. He was pretty bad with height and Nino knew it. He knew it, right? Like he knew that Nino was bad with confined place. They surely had talked about it... or didn't they? So why are they riding in this traveling coffin?!
Nonetheless, Sho got the tickets and the man at the big wheel closed the door as they took their seats on the bench in a cabin. Nino put his both hands on his knees and looked at Sho straightforwardly. The machine began to move with a big noise of metal and the younger closed his eyes.
“You know I’m really helpless with high places, right?” Sho asked clearly, making Nino jolt.
“Are you?! But why did you accept to climb in then?”
“Because you asked me to… why did you ask?”
“To be alone with you,” Nino said sheepishly.
“Oh God… and now we’re stuck here for… how long?”
“Twenty minutes. At least.”
“Okay,” Sho breathed deeply. “My father always says “If you can take it, you can make it”, let’s keep that in mind.”
“You’re right. Let’s take it.”
“It’s a good idea. Somehow. We could talk to think about something else? You begin?”
Nino was thinking for a moment before he asked. “Do you like being a doctor?”
“Well, technically speaking I am not a doctor yet but yes, it’s a dream I always had. I’d like to help people and that’s basically what doctors are doing. What’s yours?”
“I don’t have any dream for the future,” Nino said firmly, looking outside where the roofs of the house began to appear. “And I’m studying economics to take over my father’s business. Not that I hate the idea but it’s also not as if I have much of a choice.”
“You always have the choice. Your father seems to be a good man, he will allow you to change your major if you ask him.”
“What would I do?”
“Why not something artistic? You’re talented in music and I saw the short movie you created for the High School festival, it was great.”
Nino jerked and gazed at Sho. “You think?”
“I’m positive.”
“What kind of movie was it?” Nino smirked.
“…The samurai movie? Something with a very stoic character.”
Nino burst out laughing and Sho felt a weight falling off his shoulders. As long as he didn’t look at the scenery outside, as long as he was with Nino, he could control his fears.
“I’m not that stoic,” murmured Nino with a seductive smile.
Sho leaned forward and put his two hands on Nino’s thighs before kissing him gently, unable to resist longer. “With you, I’m not either.”
Nino moaned into the kiss and moved a bit to lean against the backrest, clearly inviting Sho to a deeper exploration.
“Are we…,” whispered Nino, his eyes blurred by a desire he couldn’t hide, “Alone here?”
Sho rubbed the already firm bulge misshaping Nino’s pants and the latter gulped desperately.
“Was it your plan?” Sho murmured against his lover’s lips.
Nino shook his head quickly, yet opening his thighs wider despite of himself, seeking for a stronger caress. Sho kissed him again, opening his lips to allow his tongue to play with Nino’s, enjoying his muffled groans of pleasure. He slowly knelt down onto the floor between Nino’s parted legs without breaking the suffocating kiss. He used his both hands to quickly free his lover’s erection from the confining clothing, smiling as it sprang between his thighs.
“Now show me your stoic resistance, Samurai,” Sho whispered.
A condom magically appeared from his pocket, which he unfolded without a look onto Nino’s shaft. He lowered his head and licked the length of it slowly, sensually. Nino caught his breath with a gasp when Sho took him into his mouth. Nino moaned and arched his back up into Sho’s hand as he swirled his tongue around the head of Nino’s long, straight erection and swallowed him down.
Sho smiled and released him only to recapture the swollen head with his lips and strum the delicate underside with his tongue. He observed Nino’s face from beneath, his own desire fed by the look of ecstasy he could read from it. He resumed his administrations with Nino caressing his hair, calling his name softly.
“We’re going down…,” Nino stuttered.
“So… you should better release quickly or we’ll be found out.”
“Oh God…”
Sho took off the condom and wrapped his hand around the turgescent member, making fast to and fro movement to achieve his goal. Soon, Nino screamed and freed his semen into Sho’s hand, his entire body tensing under the violence of his orgasm.
Sho took out a package of tissue and cleaned the mess they made while Nino was catching his breath with difficulty. He put the softening member back into his shelter of cotton without a word, enjoying this delicious moment of lustful intimacy.
When Sho raised, Nino wrapped his arms around his waist strongly, putting his cheek against Sho's stomach.
“Nino…,” Sho caressed Nino’s hair after a second of confusion, startled by this gesture of tenderness when he almost expected a passionate kiss. “Let’s go back to your place after this.”
They made love all night long, surprised by dawn’s arrival, surprised by the way they couldn’t get enough of each other despite their bruised skins, their sore bodies and the absence of sweet words. These words were stuck in Sho’s throat, laid on the tip of his tongue and once again he blamed himself for his cowardice. Did he have the right to drag Nino into his complicated family life, with the knowledge of what they would have to deal with once the truth was revealed? He would be a pariah among his own people while Nino was craving for nothing else more than for a well-balanced family. He was still so young…
Sho cuddled him and let him slowly catch up with his sleep, promising to himself that he would confess the day he perceive Nino’s behavior to be something else other than a physical desire.
- - Tokyo Medical University; June 21, 2006; 10.25 am - -
“Sho, are you in love?” Jun’s voice woke him up from his reverie.
“I… am,” Sho breathed deeply wondering how the other would react when he spoke his brother's name.
“Oh Gosh, that’s the season… Nino is in love too.”
“W…What? With whom?”
“A girl from his college. I came back home sooner, the other day and they were kissing on the couch. I already found condoms a few days ago when I washed his clothes but I didn’t know he had a girlfriend. Did he tell you?”
Sho’s heart constricted painfully. He was the only one who bought condoms usually, it was his prerogative. So if Nino bought these condoms…
“No. He didn’t.”
“But tell me about you? Is it the girl you’re dating? What’s her name… Aoi-chan?”
“I… no it’s someone else.”
“Such a lady killer,” Jun smiled and patted Sho’s shoulder, ignoring that he had just stabbed his friend.
- - Tokyo, Harajuku; January 19, 2015; 0.30 pm - -
Sho observed Nino exiting the elevator, hiding a smirk of victory. The other didn’t panic even if during the ride Sho could feel Nino's arm slightly trembling against his.
“Well… we have another square to cross out!” Jun said satisfied that things worked so well with the stylist. “I guess it was the last thing we had to do together for now. Satoshi and I have decided to leave the rest to you, except – of course - if you ask for help.”
“Really?!” Sho looked for Nino’s gaze and read the absolutely same expression. Where was the trick?
“My dear future husband asked me to be more lenient. Let’s say, he’s not confident about my faculty to let things go, so this is my personal way to show him that from time to time, I can.”
“Nice proof of love,” Nino mocked him gently.
“So… for the dinner, the band for the party after the wedding ceremony, we leave the rest to you,” Ohno said with a bow.
“This is an honor. We’ll do our best,” Nino bowed at his turn and put on a pair of sunglasses. “I have to go back to the hotel guys. Have a nice day.”
He was still visibly shaken and Sho ran after him, finding him on the sidewalk, hailing a taxi.
“Nino! Wait!”
Nino turned around and putting his hands into the pockets of his coat stood still.
“How was the ride with the elevator?”
“…Better than expected, thanks. Perhaps I will sleep in my apartment again tonight?”
“You didn’t manage to ride your elevator? Why didn’t you call me?” As the question came out from his lips, Sho figured the ridiculousness of the situation. “I mean… you can. Call me.”
“I’ll think about it,” Nino raised the hand again with a skeptical smile. Sho grabbed his wrist.
“I mean it. Really. Call me. The day I promised you I will be there for you, it’s still true.”
Nino sighed irritated.
“Look, Sho… I know your wife left you for someone else but… I’m not a consolation prize. Not anymore. I told you that Nana wasn’t my girlfriend, it doesn’t mean I’m single or that I can be an easy-laid or a sex friend.”
Sho stepped back, his face suddenly closed. “We’ll have to endure each other’s presence for a while, I was simply trying to be polite,” he muttered immediately regretting his detached remark.
“Polite? You definitely are. But making a promise you couldn’t keep isn’t necessary.”
Nino sounded so hurt, so bitter… Sho swallowed hard. “I’m sorry for hurting you. But I always cared about you, I’m sincere.”
“Stop toying me! You can’t barge into my life this way after such a long time. Pretending to fix an unhealthy relationship, reminding me of those moments we spent together, hoping for what? I’m fine! Totally fine. So stop playing the doctor with me, as if all of a sudden everything could be wonderfully right because you appeared to save me. I’m not a teenager anymore.”
“...You’re so hard with me.”
Sho lowered his head to hide the pain he felt with this unexpected burst of honesty. Truth hurt, it was so true. But he couldn’t deny the fact that he was right. Things were too broken to be fixed and the fickle link they had, disappeared the day Nino turned his heel to travel around the world.
“Sorry,” Nino said in an undertone.
“Don’t be, you’re right. I can’t pretend to fix anything and I was very presumptuous to hope that you would need me. This is a mistake I won’t commit anymore.”
“Thanks.”
“Still… we have to do our best men work and if we could at least pretend to get along, Jun would really leave us alone. Nothing personal between us, no more memories, no more inappropriate and unnecessary comforting moments, just the wedding’s preparations. We could work on it separately and, I don’t know, twice a month we could exchange a phone call to see how things are going? I’ll have a conference to attend out of town and I’ll be absent for almost 15 days but...”
“It works for me. If you could find some pictures of Jun and Oh-chan in the meantime, it would help. I thought, we could display pictures of them all around the gallery.”
“The gallery?”
“I contacted the gallery where Oh-chan did his first exhibition to ask if we could use it as location for the wedding party, seems that it still exists…”
“It’s very considerate of you. They will like that.”
“I think so too. I… have to go now.”
“I know. Have a nice day.” Sho smiled awkwardly and whirled around.
“Sho!” Nino suddenly called out. “I’ll call you in 15 days.”
Sho kept on walking and as he was about entering the building again to join Ohno and Jun he changed his mind. He needed a drink. Now.
To be continued…
