Squaring the Circle (5/6)
Aug. 15th, 2014 04:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wendyjolyTitle: Squaring the Circle
Author: WendyJoly/![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
chibipinkpetals
Pairing : Nino X yuriko Yoshitaka, sho X ohno + sakumiya (one sided)
Rating: R
Lenght : Chaptered
Beta : Cookies and muffins tochibipinkpetals
Genre: Love, misunderstandings and friendship
Disclaimer: I owe nothing but Arashi owns surely my soul
Summary : Sakurai Sho, Yuriko Yoshitaka and Ninomiya Kazunari shared a dormitory at the university. Soon after their graduation Nino and Yuri get married but years after, as they’re spending a week-end with their old friend, a secret of their past reappears.
Note : This story takes place in the present and in the past which is in italic. My dearchibipinkpetals wrote OS concerning the Yama pair, you can find them on her LiveJournal!
PART 5
It was past midnight when Sho is waken up by a drunken man’s screams at his door. He sighs deeply and kisses Satoshi who doesn’t stir by his side to ask who it was that was barging into Sho's place that late hour, and makes his way out the room, scrunching his face as he turned on the light of the hallway and made his way into the living room.
Sho opens the door and stares blankly at his friend, the latter is leaning against the door’s frame, visibly stoned. He steps aside and lets him enter the apartment without a word. Nino takes off his shoes and walks inside quietly; staggering here and there before letting himself fall on the couch like he has been doing these past months. Sho tousles his hair and doesn't question the behaviour and merely sets out to prepare an infusion.
“Here.” He hands a mug to Nino and sits on the armchair facing him.
“Thanks. I need it.”
“Perhaps you should drink this at your place and not at mine.” Sho says tiredly followed by a yawn.
“Sorry, you’re not alone?” Showing a bit of guilt, Nino drinks his tea, eyeing his friend.
“No, I’m not. But it’s okay, I’m just worried for you.”
“You shouldn’t, I’m fine, totally fine! We celebrated our victory tonight with the guys, guess I’m pretty smashed.”
“You should write this on a T-shirt.”
“I know…but that girl wanted to come home with me, I refused, and I rather come here.”
“Nino…”
“I was not really in a fucking mood.”
“Perhaps because you were too much in fucking mood lately. Though, you’re a single man now, it’s your right.”
“Yeah, a happy single divorced man.”
“You don’t sound to be so happy.”
Nino smiles idiotically and Sho’s heart twinges for him. How many times has it been that Nino's been in this pitiful state that it seems to have become a permanent one? He's not sure how long ago it's been since he's last seen his friend laughing or joking? Who was he kidding, the truth is that Sho is able to give the very date and the very hour. It’s written on the divorce sheets.
“I sold the house, by the way.”
“What?! Since when?”
“Last month. It was too big for me. She was everywhere, in each room, each corner of the house.”
“Where are you living now?”
“At the hotel. The club has a suite at the Emperor, I borrowed it for the moment.”
“Okay, I guess you’ll find something else. You’re rich enough…”
Despite his drunkenness Nino didn’t miss the bitter tone used by Sho. He had the feeling to hear Yuriko’s voice and it suddenly felt so good.
“Where is she?”
Sho bit his lip, seeming to contemplate over the same unavoidable question that was asked of her every time he allowed Nino in.
“I don’t know. She’s gone, that’s all I can say.”
“You’re such a pitiful liar. You had always been. Why don’t you want to tell me?”
“Why don’t you move on, Nino? If she wanted to talk to you, she would have called you. She disappeared for your own good, to preserve you.”
“Preserve me?! We’re divorced, what harm could she do to me?”
“And if you knew where she was, what would you do?”
“…I didn’t think so far. I just want to know how she is, if she met someone, if she’s happy…”
“And what if that was the case? Would you be happy for her?”
Nino smiles bitterly and brushes his thumb over his bloodshot eyes, trying to abate the stinging.
“I can’t live without her.”
Sho stands up and sits beside his friends, putting his arm around his shoulder. Nino raises his head and kisses the corner of Sho’s mouth delicately. Sho stays there, startled and confused. Nino tilts his head and is leaning more to him, but Sho breathes out and places a hand against his friend's arm to hold him back.
“What’s this?”
“And if I had accepted you, do you think she would be by my side now?”
“You’re hurting yourself. No, I don’t think she would be by your side now, nor mine. I don’t know if it will help you to forget, but surely to forgive us. We never touched each other since that night on the campus, she has always been faithful to you, and she sincerely loved you in her own; the best she could.”
Nino sniffles and chuckles.
“It doesn’t help me at all. But thanks.”
“I’ve always been a shitty friend, anyway…”
“I never thought you were a shitty friend, Sho?”
“Hm?”
“Would you let me sleep on your couch tonight?”
“Again?”
“Please.”
“Fine. My couch is all yours.”
“Thanks a lot. I didn't intend in invading your place while you had someone over.”
Sho doesn't say anything to that and taking the mug from Nino's shaking hands, he stands up and searches for some spare bed sheets in his closet by the entrance. Nino's eyes are closed by the time he returns, his deep breathing indicating that he was out for the night. Reaching over to tuck his friend, he made sure to adjust the sofa pillows to make his friend more comfortable before reaching out and patting his fried on the head; as if he were a child. He turns off the light and makes his way to his room, careful not to make much noise so that he doesn't wake him up. However, Ohno is still asleep and Sho sighs quietly, reaching out to curl his arms around Ohno, laying his chin on the latter's shoulder. He takes in the warmness of his body and settles in, closing his eyes and hiding his thoughts about the lies that he just told his old flame.
+=+=+
It's been a year since he's been doing this, Sho thinks, making his way down the path to the parking space; a routine of every Thursday that caused him to feel a strain each and every time. The sun is high in the sky and he wonders if, for once, they could have lunch outside. On the beach perhaps?
He leaves the car on the school parking and comes across some children running joyfully. He greets the teachers on his way and knocks on the door of the class at the end of the corridor, where a portrait of the teacher is drawn. She has a funny pout on her face and wears some strange earrings in radish shape like Luna Lovegood wears in Harry Potter books. So like her.
“Knock knock.”
“Come on in, Sho-kun, I’m almost ready.”
Yuriko is sitting at a children’s table, a pair of scissors in hand.
“I’m preparing my class for tomorrow. Just wait a minute please.”
The man walks around the class and smiles for himself. Even if he had ignored that it was his friend’s class, he could have assert without a doubt who the teacher was.
“How’s it going at school?”
He grabs a stack of drawings and stares at them attentively.
“Pretty well, my students are making huge progress and the director of the centre asked me to write a project about a future sculpture class. For blind children.”
“I’d have wished so much to work in this kind of school, you know.”
“It’s never too late. Done!”
She stands up and puts her arm under Sho’s like she used to do and after closing the class, they are getting into the car.
“Where are we going?”
“To my place, if it doesn’t bother you, I still have some work to do.”
“You should have told me you were busy, I’d have come another day. Though, you should possess a mobile for me to call you…” Sho says, knowing that he will not be able to get through to her.
“I cherish my freedom.”
“It’s just a hindrance, not freedom. Anyway, let’s go.”
Yuriko’s house is near the school and they have just a few minutes to drive. It is a small house, bordering the beach, clear and enlightened by the huge panoramic windows. She adopted a big dog, following Sho’s advice and once in the house, she opens the window, leaving him to run outside freely.
The house is clean and neat, just several stacks of draft’s sketchbook are obstructing the way.
“Would you believe me? I cooked something for you!”
“Eggs?”
“I’m good with cuisines that include eggs…but last week I found this funny YouTube channel where an old woman is cooking with his dog. I followed one of her recipes, you will test it with me!”
“Well, I guess you are lucky that one of my favorite items of food are eggs.” Sho says teasingly.
She laughs, seeing Sho’s funny face and pours two glasses of wine. Sho can’t help but wonder if she still takes the wine as a nutriment.
They eat on the beach and the meal is far better than Sho feared. He tries to fathom her peaceful look but she’s too good to keep her thoughts for her, he never meet someone as secretive as her, in spite of her frankness. He feels the buzz of his phone going off, and briefly looks at it, noticing that it's Satoshi's, but decides to shut it down. He tells himself that he will call Satoshi later, because this thing going on with Nino, it was getting ridiculous.
“Yu, he came to my place. Again. And he slept on my couch. Again.”
“Sorry, for you.”
“Don’t. Just talk to him, please. He’s miserable and he misses you badly. Why can’t you call him?”
“What for?”
“To appease him.”
“I could never appeased him, I just end up hurting him. I couldn’t be the woman he wanted me to be.”
“Was he the man you wished?”
“He’s gentle and the best man I ever met. He did his best to make me happy, despite the few things I offered him.”
“So why? Why couldn’t you be his wife?”
“I have some…blockage. I can’t help myself.”
“Did you try to talk to someone, like perhaps getting some help?”
“I am seeing someone currently. A man of the centre, he helps me a lot.”
“Seeing? Like going out?”
She laughs nicely.
“See, like a patient and a doctor. What are you thinking about?”
“You’re a divorced woman, very beautiful, you could find someone.”
“It’s not for me.”
“Do you still love him?”
“This not the problem. Plus, he’s not so miserable, I saw him on a magazine with a girl. A beautiful one, with this red lipstick he likes so much. They call him the play boy.”
Sho takes her hand drags her to give her a hug, she nestles against his torso, hiding her face. What a waste. She never sculpted anything since her divorce and if she keeps pretending that her job takes too much time, Sho is perfectly aware that she simply had lost her inspiration the day she lost Nino.
=+=
She woke up in the middle of the night, her eyes opened wide on the darkness, swallowing a scream of terror. She could have sworn that her father was right beside her, his mouth spreading an alcohol odour on her nose, his hand weighting heavily on her slim body, sliding under her night dress. “You’re such a slut, be happy that daddy loves you.” he murmured at her ear, like each time he sneaked into her bedroom. Too many times since her mother’s departure.
“Bad dream?”
She stared at Nino and she chuckled to reassure him, to hide her terror.
“…I dreamt that I was burning the meal I was cooking.”
“A kind of premonition, perhaps.”
“You’re right.”
“Come here.”
She put her head on Nino’s chest and heard his regular breath, finding a peace of mind she never dared to dream. Since the studio incident, he never laid a hand on her, leaving her alone when she was working, cuddling her gently when they were together. How patient this man could be? She hated herself for being the human being she was. Not even a woman, unable to get over the fear she had for the sex. That night, when she helped Sho to love Nino she thought that she finally got rid of it, but soon after their marriage, she had lost her illusions. Nothing had really changed and all the love Nino had for her, like the one she had for him was not enough to forget what she endured when she lived with her father. The memory was too deeply engraved into her flesh.
Being in love with Sho was easy. He was gay and she could have live a life without sex with him, but Nino…Nino loved sex. Somehow she knew he would leave her, one day or another, but during these months she figured out that perhaps a hope existed for them. Perhaps could he save her from herself with all the love he had for her.
The day of their three months anniversary of wedding, she put her nicest dress, put the earrings Nino bought to her for their marriage and took a taxi to the stadium where he was training. She reserved a table in the little restaurant where they used to go when they were students and she prepared pretty underwear for the night to come, hoping it will give her some courage.
The guys were going out one after other from the restroom and she waited for him patiently. When there were no more cars on the parking except Kazunari’s, she dared to sneak into the restroom and despite the bad feeling she had, tiptoed to the showers. At first she heard the noises, the unbearable noises. Then she saw them. His husband was screwing a girl against the wall and she stood still for a few seconds before realising that he could spot her if she didn’t move now.
She stepped back in silence, her heart pounding painfully in her chest, her head ready to explode and she got into the taxi which waited for her.
He left her at the restaurant and she ate by herself. Then she came back home and put the underwear back into the dressing room, changed her clothes and went to her studio, astonished to be able to feel so much pain. She stood still for an endless time, trying to forget that Kazunari was with another woman at this very moment.
When she heard the front door and the ‘Tadaima’ from the living room she began to work, she wiped her tears quickly, dirtying her outfit on purpose.
“Hi, babe, you were working?”
“Hm. Yeah.”
“How was your day? Mine was exhausting.”
He kissed her cheek and she swallowed a scream of agony when she smelt the woman’s scent on his skin.
=+=
Ohno was about to stir when he heard the door opening before it was gently led to close. His lips immediately took a pouting form before he released a small moan. His body sank as another body weighted down the bed, only to fall against the firm and warm body of Sho. He felt arms curl themselves under his armpits, dragging him more against him.
It was little things like this that sometimes, with hopes and slight scolding to himself because of said hope, that Sho melted his heart more and more without meaning anything behind it. He didn't pull away and only allowed himself to be cradled, feeling Sho rests his chin against his shoulder.
Just as he was about to go back to sleep, the scent finally hit him. His heart pounded terribly as he painfully realized that it was a womanly scent. Sho's hold on him began to loosen as he fell asleep, and Ohno took the chance to pretend that he was turning in his sleep in order to find out the scent.
As he turned, the scent only got stronger and his heart clenched painfully, his nose fell on the crook of Sho's neck and it was there, invading his nostrils, invading and assuring him that Sho had been acting strange as of late – something he was not sure he was able to bring up; he knows that there was no commitment between them. He had offered himself to Sho with no conditions, no restrictions. However, that did not stop the throbbing pain that assaulted his chest.
As if he woke up, Sho tightened his hold around his waist and nuzzled his neck.
Don't act so loving when I mean nothing to you.
Ohno thought as he gripped the shirt and held back a sob, knowing so well that no matter how many lies he told himself; he was in fact, in love with someone that will never return his feelings. He should have known that from the beginning, but he had been so optimistic, so happy that Sho had even accepted.
He doesn't sleep at a wink that night, and he can only lay there, being cradled by Sho; being caged with that scent reminding him all night of what he doesn't wish to think of. He bites his lips throughout, holding in the pain and tears he wished he was able to show Sho; blame him for everything.
=+=
“Thanks for the dinner.”
“You’re welcome. We had to celebrate the end of the year.” Says Ohno, raising his glass before taking a small sip of red wine.
“You’re right…one more year.”
“Somehow…I wanted to apologize for the theatre piece, my class didn’t work quickly enough.”
“It was just a side project, don’t worry we’ll work on it next year.”
“Really?”
“Really?!” Sho frowns, startled by his surprised tone. “Yeah sure, we already did such great work, it would be a waste…”
“True. Sho…”
“Hm?”
“We get along pretty well, right?”
“Obviously.”
“We never really…established some kind of rules between us, right?”
“Rules? Like what?”
“Like seeing someone else. Like going out together, officially.”
“Satoshi~”
Ohno raised a hand in front of him, trying to silence his partner.
“I never asked of you anything, I know we just get with the flow, that’s what we agreed at first. But perhaps…perhaps I desire for more today.”
“More like what?”
“Like a real move from you. Showing me that somehow we’re not only an easy lay for each other.”
“You’re not an easy lay, you know it.”
“We share a lot of things, a job, some hobbies, in bed it’s…incomparable. So?”
“So?”
“I’m sorry, Sho, I think I need a kind of commitment. Any kind of commitment, a way to show me you care.”
Sho stares at his lover who’s now looking at the floor, his arms resting around his knees, his hand loosely gripping his wrist.
He’s attached to the art teacher, he can’t deny it. Like Ohno said, they get along very well, mentally, physically and his sweet presence, not demanding is part of his own scenery now.
“I’m in love with you. Sorry. I know I promised you to not bother you with this.” Mutters Ohno.
“You don’t bother me and I feel ashamed because you think I am. I…just can’t say I’m in love.”
Ohno smiles gently and on his all fours comes to Sho. Sho allows for him to retrieve the glass of wine and place it on the glass table, before leaning down and curling his arms around the latter's neck. Sho holds him by the waist and allows him to tilt his head to have his neck exposed. Ohno opens his mouth and sucks lightly on the offered neck before tracing his lips to Sho's Adam's apple, clearly enjoying the admittance.
His kisses are wet due to the wine that lingered on his lips. Sho's hands tightened around the waist before breathing out.
“What are you doing?” whispers Sho closing his eyes under the sweet caress.
“I’m making love to you, that’s why we're here, right?”
“Satoshi, please don’t…I’m serious. I like you. A lot.”
“Me too.” Satoshi lays him on the floor, beginning to unbutton Sho’s shirt, tossing his own T-shirt to the floor.
Sho reaches out and caresses his lover’s cheek, gazing at him deeply.
“Listen to me. I’m serious, we’re not only sex partners.”
“So…?” Ohno stops his ministrations and sits by Sho’s side.
“So it’s complicated, my love life is a mess but if you~”
His phone is ringing persistently in his pocket and a night call could only come from one person.
“Excuse me, I have to answer.”
Ohno doesn't acknowledge it, but reaches over to grab his shirt back and begins to clean the table resignedly.
“I’ve got to go, sorry, it seems that Nino is at the police station.”
One minute later, Sho is putting on his shoes and his jacket, surprised to see that Satoshi is not following him to the door, he takes a few steps in the apartment.
“Satoshi? I’ll call you later?”
“Why do you let him doing this to you?”
“Do what?”
“He calls you in the middle of the night, he barges into your house to sleep on your couch…why do you accept?”
“We’re friends.”
“Bullshit. You’re most considerate with him than with…forget it. Go.”
“Sorry.”
Sho turns back and goes out of the building, quickly driving to the police station. His irritation begins once he sits in his car, looking up at the window – Satoshi's shadow looking down the balcony, before he turns to head inside and pulling the curtains closed – and knowing that this was something that he needed; no, that he wanted to talk with Satoshi, and it lasts until he reaches his destination.
“Ninomiya Kazunari, please. I received your call just a half hour ago. Sakurai Sho.”
“Oh, yes. He’s in the drunk tank. I’ll call the officer in charge.”
After signing the official sheets and the promise that Nino will behave, Sho drags him to his car, pushing him and putting his belt on.
“Thanks Sho…”
Sho sighs as he gets in the car, gripping the wheel with determination before closing his eyes briefly and glancing over at his friend, who is looking so pitiful, it's painful to think of how all of this has started.
"Sho, tell me what I should" Nino pleads him.
He looks at Nino, really looks at him for the first time in forever and he sees the selfishness that Nino's had towards him - because he had tried to be a friend, because he had been blindingly in love with him despite knowing that he loved someone else, he finally sees it.
He closes his eyes briefly and pulls away, knowing well enough that what he is about to do will shatter everything that he had tried to keep together - tired and confused - trying to amend all the little cracks for them to be happy.
What about his happiness?
"Nino...this is the last time. I will not answer you late night calls, I will not allow you to come to my home and invade my life. Enough is enough, Nino. This is ridiculous and I have been patient enough to allow you your childish actions time and time again, but I will not anymore.”
“Sorry Sho…”
“Don’t! Just shut the fuck up! Just be quiet for a moment and sit still and don't puke in my car.”
He starts the engine and without another word, drives down a familiar road, taking the direction of the town's outskirt. After half an hour, he parks the car on a dark empty parking lot. He stops the engine and goes around to open the door for his friend, helping him out of the car and dragging him to have a closer view of the building.
“Where are we?” asks Nino, clearly puzzled at being in a lone place and so late at night.
“This is her school, this is where she has been working since the divorce. She’s as miserable as you are, to the point that she can’t create anything since you left her. You married her, promising her happiness and you only put her down by cheating on her again and again. So, do what you have to do to get your wife back and stop this mess, both of you. Got it?”
Nino turns to him and holds him tight, murmuring an undertone “Thank you” to Sho’s ear.
“Now get into the car, you have to sleep if you want to be decent to meet her. As for me, I have to fix things in my own life that do not involve you nor her.”
Author: WendyJoly/
chibipinkpetalsPairing : Nino X yuriko Yoshitaka, sho X ohno + sakumiya (one sided)
Rating: R
Lenght : Chaptered
Beta : Cookies and muffins to
chibipinkpetalsGenre: Love, misunderstandings and friendship
Disclaimer: I owe nothing but Arashi owns surely my soul
Summary : Sakurai Sho, Yuriko Yoshitaka and Ninomiya Kazunari shared a dormitory at the university. Soon after their graduation Nino and Yuri get married but years after, as they’re spending a week-end with their old friend, a secret of their past reappears.
Note : This story takes place in the present and in the past which is in italic. My dear
chibipinkpetals wrote OS concerning the Yama pair, you can find them on her LiveJournal!PART 5
It was past midnight when Sho is waken up by a drunken man’s screams at his door. He sighs deeply and kisses Satoshi who doesn’t stir by his side to ask who it was that was barging into Sho's place that late hour, and makes his way out the room, scrunching his face as he turned on the light of the hallway and made his way into the living room.
Sho opens the door and stares blankly at his friend, the latter is leaning against the door’s frame, visibly stoned. He steps aside and lets him enter the apartment without a word. Nino takes off his shoes and walks inside quietly; staggering here and there before letting himself fall on the couch like he has been doing these past months. Sho tousles his hair and doesn't question the behaviour and merely sets out to prepare an infusion.
“Here.” He hands a mug to Nino and sits on the armchair facing him.
“Thanks. I need it.”
“Perhaps you should drink this at your place and not at mine.” Sho says tiredly followed by a yawn.
“Sorry, you’re not alone?” Showing a bit of guilt, Nino drinks his tea, eyeing his friend.
“No, I’m not. But it’s okay, I’m just worried for you.”
“You shouldn’t, I’m fine, totally fine! We celebrated our victory tonight with the guys, guess I’m pretty smashed.”
“You should write this on a T-shirt.”
“I know…but that girl wanted to come home with me, I refused, and I rather come here.”
“Nino…”
“I was not really in a fucking mood.”
“Perhaps because you were too much in fucking mood lately. Though, you’re a single man now, it’s your right.”
“Yeah, a happy single divorced man.”
“You don’t sound to be so happy.”
Nino smiles idiotically and Sho’s heart twinges for him. How many times has it been that Nino's been in this pitiful state that it seems to have become a permanent one? He's not sure how long ago it's been since he's last seen his friend laughing or joking? Who was he kidding, the truth is that Sho is able to give the very date and the very hour. It’s written on the divorce sheets.
“I sold the house, by the way.”
“What?! Since when?”
“Last month. It was too big for me. She was everywhere, in each room, each corner of the house.”
“Where are you living now?”
“At the hotel. The club has a suite at the Emperor, I borrowed it for the moment.”
“Okay, I guess you’ll find something else. You’re rich enough…”
Despite his drunkenness Nino didn’t miss the bitter tone used by Sho. He had the feeling to hear Yuriko’s voice and it suddenly felt so good.
“Where is she?”
Sho bit his lip, seeming to contemplate over the same unavoidable question that was asked of her every time he allowed Nino in.
“I don’t know. She’s gone, that’s all I can say.”
“You’re such a pitiful liar. You had always been. Why don’t you want to tell me?”
“Why don’t you move on, Nino? If she wanted to talk to you, she would have called you. She disappeared for your own good, to preserve you.”
“Preserve me?! We’re divorced, what harm could she do to me?”
“And if you knew where she was, what would you do?”
“…I didn’t think so far. I just want to know how she is, if she met someone, if she’s happy…”
“And what if that was the case? Would you be happy for her?”
Nino smiles bitterly and brushes his thumb over his bloodshot eyes, trying to abate the stinging.
“I can’t live without her.”
Sho stands up and sits beside his friends, putting his arm around his shoulder. Nino raises his head and kisses the corner of Sho’s mouth delicately. Sho stays there, startled and confused. Nino tilts his head and is leaning more to him, but Sho breathes out and places a hand against his friend's arm to hold him back.
“What’s this?”
“And if I had accepted you, do you think she would be by my side now?”
“You’re hurting yourself. No, I don’t think she would be by your side now, nor mine. I don’t know if it will help you to forget, but surely to forgive us. We never touched each other since that night on the campus, she has always been faithful to you, and she sincerely loved you in her own; the best she could.”
Nino sniffles and chuckles.
“It doesn’t help me at all. But thanks.”
“I’ve always been a shitty friend, anyway…”
“I never thought you were a shitty friend, Sho?”
“Hm?”
“Would you let me sleep on your couch tonight?”
“Again?”
“Please.”
“Fine. My couch is all yours.”
“Thanks a lot. I didn't intend in invading your place while you had someone over.”
Sho doesn't say anything to that and taking the mug from Nino's shaking hands, he stands up and searches for some spare bed sheets in his closet by the entrance. Nino's eyes are closed by the time he returns, his deep breathing indicating that he was out for the night. Reaching over to tuck his friend, he made sure to adjust the sofa pillows to make his friend more comfortable before reaching out and patting his fried on the head; as if he were a child. He turns off the light and makes his way to his room, careful not to make much noise so that he doesn't wake him up. However, Ohno is still asleep and Sho sighs quietly, reaching out to curl his arms around Ohno, laying his chin on the latter's shoulder. He takes in the warmness of his body and settles in, closing his eyes and hiding his thoughts about the lies that he just told his old flame.
It's been a year since he's been doing this, Sho thinks, making his way down the path to the parking space; a routine of every Thursday that caused him to feel a strain each and every time. The sun is high in the sky and he wonders if, for once, they could have lunch outside. On the beach perhaps?
He leaves the car on the school parking and comes across some children running joyfully. He greets the teachers on his way and knocks on the door of the class at the end of the corridor, where a portrait of the teacher is drawn. She has a funny pout on her face and wears some strange earrings in radish shape like Luna Lovegood wears in Harry Potter books. So like her.
“Knock knock.”
“Come on in, Sho-kun, I’m almost ready.”
Yuriko is sitting at a children’s table, a pair of scissors in hand.
“I’m preparing my class for tomorrow. Just wait a minute please.”
The man walks around the class and smiles for himself. Even if he had ignored that it was his friend’s class, he could have assert without a doubt who the teacher was.
“How’s it going at school?”
He grabs a stack of drawings and stares at them attentively.
“Pretty well, my students are making huge progress and the director of the centre asked me to write a project about a future sculpture class. For blind children.”
“I’d have wished so much to work in this kind of school, you know.”
“It’s never too late. Done!”
She stands up and puts her arm under Sho’s like she used to do and after closing the class, they are getting into the car.
“Where are we going?”
“To my place, if it doesn’t bother you, I still have some work to do.”
“You should have told me you were busy, I’d have come another day. Though, you should possess a mobile for me to call you…” Sho says, knowing that he will not be able to get through to her.
“I cherish my freedom.”
“It’s just a hindrance, not freedom. Anyway, let’s go.”
Yuriko’s house is near the school and they have just a few minutes to drive. It is a small house, bordering the beach, clear and enlightened by the huge panoramic windows. She adopted a big dog, following Sho’s advice and once in the house, she opens the window, leaving him to run outside freely.
The house is clean and neat, just several stacks of draft’s sketchbook are obstructing the way.
“Would you believe me? I cooked something for you!”
“Eggs?”
“I’m good with cuisines that include eggs…but last week I found this funny YouTube channel where an old woman is cooking with his dog. I followed one of her recipes, you will test it with me!”
“Well, I guess you are lucky that one of my favorite items of food are eggs.” Sho says teasingly.
She laughs, seeing Sho’s funny face and pours two glasses of wine. Sho can’t help but wonder if she still takes the wine as a nutriment.
They eat on the beach and the meal is far better than Sho feared. He tries to fathom her peaceful look but she’s too good to keep her thoughts for her, he never meet someone as secretive as her, in spite of her frankness. He feels the buzz of his phone going off, and briefly looks at it, noticing that it's Satoshi's, but decides to shut it down. He tells himself that he will call Satoshi later, because this thing going on with Nino, it was getting ridiculous.
“Yu, he came to my place. Again. And he slept on my couch. Again.”
“Sorry, for you.”
“Don’t. Just talk to him, please. He’s miserable and he misses you badly. Why can’t you call him?”
“What for?”
“To appease him.”
“I could never appeased him, I just end up hurting him. I couldn’t be the woman he wanted me to be.”
“Was he the man you wished?”
“He’s gentle and the best man I ever met. He did his best to make me happy, despite the few things I offered him.”
“So why? Why couldn’t you be his wife?”
“I have some…blockage. I can’t help myself.”
“Did you try to talk to someone, like perhaps getting some help?”
“I am seeing someone currently. A man of the centre, he helps me a lot.”
“Seeing? Like going out?”
She laughs nicely.
“See, like a patient and a doctor. What are you thinking about?”
“You’re a divorced woman, very beautiful, you could find someone.”
“It’s not for me.”
“Do you still love him?”
“This not the problem. Plus, he’s not so miserable, I saw him on a magazine with a girl. A beautiful one, with this red lipstick he likes so much. They call him the play boy.”
Sho takes her hand drags her to give her a hug, she nestles against his torso, hiding her face. What a waste. She never sculpted anything since her divorce and if she keeps pretending that her job takes too much time, Sho is perfectly aware that she simply had lost her inspiration the day she lost Nino.
She woke up in the middle of the night, her eyes opened wide on the darkness, swallowing a scream of terror. She could have sworn that her father was right beside her, his mouth spreading an alcohol odour on her nose, his hand weighting heavily on her slim body, sliding under her night dress. “You’re such a slut, be happy that daddy loves you.” he murmured at her ear, like each time he sneaked into her bedroom. Too many times since her mother’s departure.
“Bad dream?”
She stared at Nino and she chuckled to reassure him, to hide her terror.
“…I dreamt that I was burning the meal I was cooking.”
“A kind of premonition, perhaps.”
“You’re right.”
“Come here.”
She put her head on Nino’s chest and heard his regular breath, finding a peace of mind she never dared to dream. Since the studio incident, he never laid a hand on her, leaving her alone when she was working, cuddling her gently when they were together. How patient this man could be? She hated herself for being the human being she was. Not even a woman, unable to get over the fear she had for the sex. That night, when she helped Sho to love Nino she thought that she finally got rid of it, but soon after their marriage, she had lost her illusions. Nothing had really changed and all the love Nino had for her, like the one she had for him was not enough to forget what she endured when she lived with her father. The memory was too deeply engraved into her flesh.
Being in love with Sho was easy. He was gay and she could have live a life without sex with him, but Nino…Nino loved sex. Somehow she knew he would leave her, one day or another, but during these months she figured out that perhaps a hope existed for them. Perhaps could he save her from herself with all the love he had for her.
The day of their three months anniversary of wedding, she put her nicest dress, put the earrings Nino bought to her for their marriage and took a taxi to the stadium where he was training. She reserved a table in the little restaurant where they used to go when they were students and she prepared pretty underwear for the night to come, hoping it will give her some courage.
The guys were going out one after other from the restroom and she waited for him patiently. When there were no more cars on the parking except Kazunari’s, she dared to sneak into the restroom and despite the bad feeling she had, tiptoed to the showers. At first she heard the noises, the unbearable noises. Then she saw them. His husband was screwing a girl against the wall and she stood still for a few seconds before realising that he could spot her if she didn’t move now.
She stepped back in silence, her heart pounding painfully in her chest, her head ready to explode and she got into the taxi which waited for her.
He left her at the restaurant and she ate by herself. Then she came back home and put the underwear back into the dressing room, changed her clothes and went to her studio, astonished to be able to feel so much pain. She stood still for an endless time, trying to forget that Kazunari was with another woman at this very moment.
When she heard the front door and the ‘Tadaima’ from the living room she began to work, she wiped her tears quickly, dirtying her outfit on purpose.
“Hi, babe, you were working?”
“Hm. Yeah.”
“How was your day? Mine was exhausting.”
He kissed her cheek and she swallowed a scream of agony when she smelt the woman’s scent on his skin.
Ohno was about to stir when he heard the door opening before it was gently led to close. His lips immediately took a pouting form before he released a small moan. His body sank as another body weighted down the bed, only to fall against the firm and warm body of Sho. He felt arms curl themselves under his armpits, dragging him more against him.
It was little things like this that sometimes, with hopes and slight scolding to himself because of said hope, that Sho melted his heart more and more without meaning anything behind it. He didn't pull away and only allowed himself to be cradled, feeling Sho rests his chin against his shoulder.
Just as he was about to go back to sleep, the scent finally hit him. His heart pounded terribly as he painfully realized that it was a womanly scent. Sho's hold on him began to loosen as he fell asleep, and Ohno took the chance to pretend that he was turning in his sleep in order to find out the scent.
As he turned, the scent only got stronger and his heart clenched painfully, his nose fell on the crook of Sho's neck and it was there, invading his nostrils, invading and assuring him that Sho had been acting strange as of late – something he was not sure he was able to bring up; he knows that there was no commitment between them. He had offered himself to Sho with no conditions, no restrictions. However, that did not stop the throbbing pain that assaulted his chest.
As if he woke up, Sho tightened his hold around his waist and nuzzled his neck.
Don't act so loving when I mean nothing to you.
Ohno thought as he gripped the shirt and held back a sob, knowing so well that no matter how many lies he told himself; he was in fact, in love with someone that will never return his feelings. He should have known that from the beginning, but he had been so optimistic, so happy that Sho had even accepted.
He doesn't sleep at a wink that night, and he can only lay there, being cradled by Sho; being caged with that scent reminding him all night of what he doesn't wish to think of. He bites his lips throughout, holding in the pain and tears he wished he was able to show Sho; blame him for everything.
“Thanks for the dinner.”
“You’re welcome. We had to celebrate the end of the year.” Says Ohno, raising his glass before taking a small sip of red wine.
“You’re right…one more year.”
“Somehow…I wanted to apologize for the theatre piece, my class didn’t work quickly enough.”
“It was just a side project, don’t worry we’ll work on it next year.”
“Really?”
“Really?!” Sho frowns, startled by his surprised tone. “Yeah sure, we already did such great work, it would be a waste…”
“True. Sho…”
“Hm?”
“We get along pretty well, right?”
“Obviously.”
“We never really…established some kind of rules between us, right?”
“Rules? Like what?”
“Like seeing someone else. Like going out together, officially.”
“Satoshi~”
Ohno raised a hand in front of him, trying to silence his partner.
“I never asked of you anything, I know we just get with the flow, that’s what we agreed at first. But perhaps…perhaps I desire for more today.”
“More like what?”
“Like a real move from you. Showing me that somehow we’re not only an easy lay for each other.”
“You’re not an easy lay, you know it.”
“We share a lot of things, a job, some hobbies, in bed it’s…incomparable. So?”
“So?”
“I’m sorry, Sho, I think I need a kind of commitment. Any kind of commitment, a way to show me you care.”
Sho stares at his lover who’s now looking at the floor, his arms resting around his knees, his hand loosely gripping his wrist.
He’s attached to the art teacher, he can’t deny it. Like Ohno said, they get along very well, mentally, physically and his sweet presence, not demanding is part of his own scenery now.
“I’m in love with you. Sorry. I know I promised you to not bother you with this.” Mutters Ohno.
“You don’t bother me and I feel ashamed because you think I am. I…just can’t say I’m in love.”
Ohno smiles gently and on his all fours comes to Sho. Sho allows for him to retrieve the glass of wine and place it on the glass table, before leaning down and curling his arms around the latter's neck. Sho holds him by the waist and allows him to tilt his head to have his neck exposed. Ohno opens his mouth and sucks lightly on the offered neck before tracing his lips to Sho's Adam's apple, clearly enjoying the admittance.
His kisses are wet due to the wine that lingered on his lips. Sho's hands tightened around the waist before breathing out.
“What are you doing?” whispers Sho closing his eyes under the sweet caress.
“I’m making love to you, that’s why we're here, right?”
“Satoshi, please don’t…I’m serious. I like you. A lot.”
“Me too.” Satoshi lays him on the floor, beginning to unbutton Sho’s shirt, tossing his own T-shirt to the floor.
Sho reaches out and caresses his lover’s cheek, gazing at him deeply.
“Listen to me. I’m serious, we’re not only sex partners.”
“So…?” Ohno stops his ministrations and sits by Sho’s side.
“So it’s complicated, my love life is a mess but if you~”
His phone is ringing persistently in his pocket and a night call could only come from one person.
“Excuse me, I have to answer.”
Ohno doesn't acknowledge it, but reaches over to grab his shirt back and begins to clean the table resignedly.
“I’ve got to go, sorry, it seems that Nino is at the police station.”
One minute later, Sho is putting on his shoes and his jacket, surprised to see that Satoshi is not following him to the door, he takes a few steps in the apartment.
“Satoshi? I’ll call you later?”
“Why do you let him doing this to you?”
“Do what?”
“He calls you in the middle of the night, he barges into your house to sleep on your couch…why do you accept?”
“We’re friends.”
“Bullshit. You’re most considerate with him than with…forget it. Go.”
“Sorry.”
Sho turns back and goes out of the building, quickly driving to the police station. His irritation begins once he sits in his car, looking up at the window – Satoshi's shadow looking down the balcony, before he turns to head inside and pulling the curtains closed – and knowing that this was something that he needed; no, that he wanted to talk with Satoshi, and it lasts until he reaches his destination.
“Ninomiya Kazunari, please. I received your call just a half hour ago. Sakurai Sho.”
“Oh, yes. He’s in the drunk tank. I’ll call the officer in charge.”
After signing the official sheets and the promise that Nino will behave, Sho drags him to his car, pushing him and putting his belt on.
“Thanks Sho…”
Sho sighs as he gets in the car, gripping the wheel with determination before closing his eyes briefly and glancing over at his friend, who is looking so pitiful, it's painful to think of how all of this has started.
"Sho, tell me what I should" Nino pleads him.
He looks at Nino, really looks at him for the first time in forever and he sees the selfishness that Nino's had towards him - because he had tried to be a friend, because he had been blindingly in love with him despite knowing that he loved someone else, he finally sees it.
He closes his eyes briefly and pulls away, knowing well enough that what he is about to do will shatter everything that he had tried to keep together - tired and confused - trying to amend all the little cracks for them to be happy.
What about his happiness?
"Nino...this is the last time. I will not answer you late night calls, I will not allow you to come to my home and invade my life. Enough is enough, Nino. This is ridiculous and I have been patient enough to allow you your childish actions time and time again, but I will not anymore.”
“Sorry Sho…”
“Don’t! Just shut the fuck up! Just be quiet for a moment and sit still and don't puke in my car.”
He starts the engine and without another word, drives down a familiar road, taking the direction of the town's outskirt. After half an hour, he parks the car on a dark empty parking lot. He stops the engine and goes around to open the door for his friend, helping him out of the car and dragging him to have a closer view of the building.
“Where are we?” asks Nino, clearly puzzled at being in a lone place and so late at night.
“This is her school, this is where she has been working since the divorce. She’s as miserable as you are, to the point that she can’t create anything since you left her. You married her, promising her happiness and you only put her down by cheating on her again and again. So, do what you have to do to get your wife back and stop this mess, both of you. Got it?”
Nino turns to him and holds him tight, murmuring an undertone “Thank you” to Sho’s ear.
“Now get into the car, you have to sleep if you want to be decent to meet her. As for me, I have to fix things in my own life that do not involve you nor her.”
